Hobbies & Hobbits – Both Tricksy

Ruby: Ginger, for the last time…this is not a hobby.

Ginger: Ruby, it’s not the last time. And it is a hobby because I have said it is a hobby.

Ruby: Okay, fine. It IS a hobby. It’s just not the hobby you keep claiming it is.

Ginger: It totally is a hobby.

Ruby: It’s not the hobby you think it is.

Ginger: I’m totally quilting.

Ruby: Quilting involves sewing.

Ginger: I’m quilting in the very early stages.

Ruby: Over and over and over and over?

Ginger: I’m very thorough. When planning.

Ruby: Sure you are.

Ginger: Okay, planning to make a quilt is fun.

Ruby: Are you going to actually make a quilt?

Ginger: Probably. But this part is too much fun to stop right now!

Ruby: It’s still not the hobby you think it is.

Ginger: Hobbies are tricky.


On Pins & Crochet Needles


Ginger: I love that I always know where to find you in the bookstore.

Ruby: Hmm?

Ginger: Honestly, if I don’t see you in the romance section, I know I can find you in the craft section.

Ruby: Sorry, I sort of got caught up in this book…

Ginger: Crochet patterns?

Ruby: Yeah…

Ginger: I thought you did more knitting than crochet.

Ruby: Well, yeah, but this looked interesting…

Ginger: Creepy Crawly Crochet? RUBY. YOU MUST HAVE THIS BOOK.

Ruby: Must I?


Ruby: Please stop shouting. We’re in a bookstore – keep your voice down.

Ginger: Ruby. If you do not buy this book, I will buy it for you.

Ruby: Really? Because you think I’m going to crochet you a few zombies for Christmas?

Ginger: Don’t be ridiculous. I want that crochet C’thulhu from the cover for Christmas. The zombies are my birthday present. Clearly.

Ruby: Clearly. You know I’m already knitting you another scarf, right? And two more projects lined up after that -all for you.

Ginger: Look, you like to stay busy…I like to have handmade optical illusions wrapped around my neck in the winter. It’s really a win-win.

Ruby: Sure it is.

Ginger: Crocheted. Zombies.

Ruby: I know…but this keeps ME busy. What do we get you to keep YOU busy?

Ginger: Oh, we have that covered. Have you heard of the Somerton Man?

Ruby: Should I?

Ginger: I’m going to crack the code. And solve the mystery. I’m buying this book.

Ruby: …Rubaiyat of Omar Khayyam? Do I really want to know?

Ginger: I’ll tell you all about it while you drive us to get coffee.

Ruby: …okay, but I’m not drinking any more coffee today.

Ginger: You’ve only had one cup! Of decaf!

Ruby: Do you want me to let you buy this book of crochet patterns for me or not?

Ginger: …okay, fine.

Q is for Quirky…

Ruby: Ginger, why do you do this?

Ginger: Ruby, why do you question my methods?

Ruby: I will admit that I do ask you about your methods, but you have to admit you have weird tendencies.

Ginger: I don’t have to admit that at all.

Ruby: It would be easier on everyone if you did.

Ginger: Easier? Easier? Really, Ruby! Life isn’t easy! Why should I make life easier when no one is going to have an easy life?

Ruby: …because you regularly claim that’s what makes you happy?

Ginger: Oh, well, there is that, I guess.

Ruby: So, you do admit you have weird tendencies?

Ginger: I admit nothing of the sort!

Ruby: What do you call this?

Ginger: …quirky.

Ruby: You call this quirky?

Ginger: Yes.

Ruby: You have spent the past twenty minutes explaining to each of the Firefly figurines why they have to move from one shelf to another…when you called me over to help assemble a bookshelf.

Ginger: Oh, yeah, we should do that. Where are we?

Ruby: You went to get scissors to cut the tape off the box twenty minutes ago.

Ginger: Right! Be right back…

It’s Better If You Don’t Question It


Ruby: I told you it’d be the first thing she said when she walked in the door.

Fly: I owe you an ice cream.

Ginger: Were you waiting on pins and needles for me to complete the word?

Fly: I know I was. Were you, Ruby?

Ruby: It was quite the pregnant pause.

Ginger: Sorry it took so long for me to get here. I wanted the suspense to grow a bit more.

Fly: We know. Well, I’m off to the night shift. You two have a lovely evening planned, I assume?

Ginger: Yup! Wine, Willow and song!

Fly: Sorry, what?

Ruby: She wanted to watch the movie Willow tonight. I’m not drinking the wine and I’m not sure what the song is.

Ginger: Why aren’t you drinking the wine? It has a drunken blue lemur on the label…and it was on sale for $5!

Ruby: …do you want me to drive you home tonight?

Ginger: Okay, fine. The lemur and I will figure it out.

Fly: What is the song?

Ginger: What song?

Fly: Wine, Willow and song?

Ginger: No, Fly, the saying is “wine, women and song.”

Ruby: Yes and when you came in, you said “wine, Willow and song.”

Ginger: You must be hearing things. I would never say something like that.

Fly: But you did.

Ginger: I don’t really see your point.

Ruby: …you were planning on singing whatever song is stuck in your head right now the minute Fly leaves.

Ginger: Off-key, on purpose. I HATE this song!

Fly: I’m gone.

Ruby: But it’ll get stuck in MY head!

Fly: Love you!

Ginger: I have a platonic admiration for you!

Ruby: Don’t leave! She’s going to sing something that will get stuck in my head!

Ginger: It’s a Rod Stewart song. I’m sure she’s never heard it before!

Fly: BYE!!!

You Can’t Stop The Text Signal

Ruby: Hello, this is—oh, hi, Ginger…

Ginger: Hey, I wanted to know if you were free for lunch today.

Ruby: Sorry, no. I have a meeting to prepare for and it’s going to take a lot of concentration.

Ginger: Oh. That’s fine. I can let you go..

Ruby: Thanks.

Ginger: Good luck. We’re all counting on you.

Ruby: Thanks, that’s helpful. Bye.

Ginger: Bye.


Ginger’s Text: May the Force be with you.


Ginger’s Text: Shine on, you crazy diamond…Ruby.

Ruby: …okay.


Ginger’s Text: Goonies never say die.


Ginger’s Text: As you wish.


Ginger’s Text: The call is coming from inside the house.


Ginger’s Text: Curiouser and curiouser…

Ruby: (texting back) “Live long and prosper.” There. Now maybe she’ll leave me alone.


Ginger’s Text: Jaffa, KREE!

Ruby: …I only fed the troll…


Ginger’s Text: Be excellent to each other.


Ginger’s Text: Yippee Kai Yay…


Ginger’s Text: The redcoats are coming!


Ginger’s Text: You have no power over me…

Ruby: I’m aware.


Ginger’s Text: I love it when a plan comes together.


Ginger’s Text: Just one more question…


Ginger’s Text: Al, did you bring the explosives?


Ginger’s Text: I’m sorry, Dave, I can’t do that.


Ginger’s Text: Make it so.


Ginger’s Text: Engage.


Ginger’s Text: To the moon, Alice!


Ginger’s Text: Say g’nite, Gracie.

Ruby: If only that would work…




Ginger’s Text: Heeeeeeeeeeere’s Johnny!


Ginger’s Text: …two by two…hands of blue…


Ginger’s Text: By the power of Grayskull…


Ginger’s Text: Hey, you ever wonder why we’re here?

Ruby: (texting back) “You’ve got red on you…”


Ginger’s Text: …are you going to kill me? I’ll stop.


Ginger’s Text: Bazinga.


Ginger’s Text: This is going to be legen—


Ginger’s Text: Wait for it.

Siren Song of The C:\ Drive

Ruby: Ginger, what did you do to my computer?

Ginger: Which time?

Ruby: Recently. I’m looking for a folder and everything has been renamed.

Ginger: How do you know it wasn’t your husband?

Ruby: Because he rarely names a folder “Second Star To The Left.”

Ginger: That is your folder of documents that have to do with tax information. You know how I know that?

Ruby: Because you renamed my folder?

Ginger: Well, that, too. But because the directions to Never-Never Land are Second Star to the RIGHT. That means in order to get back to earth, you’d have to reverse the direction.


Ginger: You said I had to entertain myself. So I went to play Minesweeper on your computer, but I couldn’t find it.

Ruby: That’s because I don’t HAVE Minesweeper on my computer.

Ginger: Well, now you kinda do… Each folder has a certain number of files in it and a document with clues about where the bomb.png is located.

Ruby: Bomb.png?

Ginger: Yeah. I drew it in Paintbrush and then saved a bunch of copies all over the place.

Ruby: You realize I will have my revenge, right?

Ginger: I know. Which is why the folder called “Here Be Dragons” has a map of where I put your documents and pictures and stuff.

Ruby: That doesn’t make up for this chaos.

Ginger: It might, if you gave it a solid effort.

Ruby: Remember that when you can’t find your coffee.

Ginger: ………..I can put it all back. The way you had it. I promise!

Over Committed

Ginger: Ruby? Jewel of my life?

Ruby: Ginger? Spice of my entree?

Ginger: I need you to drive me to the pet store.

Ruby: I’m not helping you get another fish. You always kill them in previously inexplicable ways.

Ginger: I’m not getting a fish.

Ruby: Right. That’s what I just told you.

Ginger: I’m getting a snake.

Ruby: …can’t you just get into Pokémon like a normal nerdy girl?

Ginger: I saw a mouse in my kitchen. I need a snake. I have it all picked out.

Ruby: There are other options.

Ginger: Look, do you remember the cockroach that was as big as a small poodle? And the spiders that were big enough to eat my shoe?

Ruby: Yes. Yes, I do.

Ginger: When have I ever had a normal pest problem?

Ruby: So…a snake, you say?

Ginger: Yes. I’m going to call him Sir Fluffikins of the Table de Cafe and if I do a good job caring for him, he could live to be 30 years old.

Ruby: That’s a big commitment, Ginger.

Ginger: So is getting married and having children, but people continue to do that.

Ruby: …..so a snake, you say?

Ginger: The guy at the pet store insisted I should not start a riot by taking Sir Fluffikins home on the bus, so I need a ride.

Ruby: What have you told Lightbulb?

Ginger: “Don’t go near the coffee table anymore.”

Ruby: You know chickens catch mice, too, right?

Ginger: Remember the cartoon Tom & Jerry?

Ruby: Lightbulb is like the cat?

Ginger: Lightbulb is still watching that on my TV at home. He isn’t very good at real life.

Ruby: They say pets resemble their owners…….