Fly: Where’s your phone?
Ruby: I left it at home. I only realized it after we were getting out of the car, but I figured you have your phone, so who else would I need to call?
Fly: Ginger is texting me.
Ruby: Oh. Right.
Fly: She’s having computer problems, apparently, and…. I don’t think that’s right.
Ruby: What does it say?
Fly: “The demon in my computer has refused to acknowledge I am the superior being with a college degree & thusly moused its screen at me.”
Ruby: Tell her I will call her when I get home.
Fly: Do you really think that will work?
Ruby: No, but it will buy us some time to cross a few things off the grocery list.
Fly: You know her better than me…
Ruby: Only a little. Here, this granola has dried berries in it.
Fly: Get the other one.
Fly: What did she mean by “moused its screen at her”?
Ruby: The computer version of thumbed its nose.
Fly: Ah. Oh, she wrote back.
Fly: …I don’t…I’m just going to read this out loud and hope it makes sense.
Ruby: Ooh, these are on sale…
Fly: “If it helps, I can send some sensual screenshots to you.”
Ruby: …she’s gonna what?
Fly: Oh, a follow-up… She was Autocorrected. She……hee, hee, hee….
Fly: Here… You read it…
Ruby: …….how did…oh, she’s calling now… I’ll put her on speaker. Hello?
Ginger: I SENT FLY A PROVOCATIVE TEXT AND IT’S ALL AUTOCORRECT’S FAULT!!!
Ruby: What did you mean to send him?
Ginger: I TRIED TO SEND “IF IT HELPS, I CAN SEND SOME SERIES OF SCREENSHOTS TO YOU” AND IT TURNED INTO SOMETHING ELSE!!!
Ruby: Well, it sounds like your phone wants to get very close with my husband’s phone. Should we have a talk with them?
Fly: I want to know what sensual screenshots would look like…are there candles softening the Minesweeper’s “come hither” look?
Ginger: MINESWEEPER DOES NOT WHISPER COME HITHER, FLY! AND YOU ARE NOT HELPING!!
Ruby: Are there bedsheets draped across the keyboard, showing only the numbered keypad?
Ginger: I JUST WANTED YOU TO HELP ME FIX MY COMPUTER!!!
Fly: But this is so much more fun…even the passing grocery clerk stopped to listen…
Ginger: …..is it Gene? GENE, ARE YOU THERE??
Fly: How did she—
Ruby: Do not ask questions you don’t want answered.
Ginger: GENE, WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO STOCK THE SUGAR-FROSTED ZOMBIE BOMBS CEREAL AGAIN??? GENE, I KNOW YOU’RE LISTENING!!!
Ruby: He’s actually been walking away since he recognized your voice.
Ginger: What?? Ruby – follow him!!
Ruby: …ok, but the reception in this store is Super Awful. I might lose this call…
Fly: It is? I’ve never…OH! Yes. It’s………bad. We should let you chase Gene in person. And hang up. For now.
Ginger: ……..that sounds legit. I can call the store directly and have them patch me through to the store’s P.A. system.
Ruby: But first…I’m looking forward to those sensual screenshots…
Ginger: … I DIDN’T MEAN TO TYPE THAT!!!!!