40th Anniversary Marathon

Ruby: So?

Ginger: So?

Ruby: So, why are you here at 5:30 in the morning?

Ginger: Because we’re going to do something wonderful today.

Ruby: No, we’re not.

Ginger: Yes! We are! I’ve timed it all out and we’re going to have to start early if we’re going to get everything seen in one day…

Fly: What is going on?

Ruby: Ginger’s decided we have to do a full movie marathon today…

Fly: Oh. Because it’s the 40th Anniversary?

Ginger: See? Fly knows!

Ruby: Knows what? 40th anniversary of what?

Fly & Ginger: The 40th Anniversary of Star Wars.

Ruby: …gee. Why did I not know that. Strange.

Ginger: Sometimes, I wonder about you, Ruby.

Fly: Since we’re up, is there breakfast?

Ginger: I would love a coffee.

Ruby: You didn’t plan the food?

Ginger: I brought blue milk. I didn’t know I needed anything else.

Ruby: So, we’re going to do this? We’re going to watch all the Star Wars movies? That’s, what, four movies? Five?

Fly: The Original Trilogy and the Prequels and Force Awakens and Rogue One is eight movies.

Ruby: But Ginger denies the existence of the Prequels.

Fly: So, wait, are we watching only the Original Trilogy, or are we continuing on through the Force Awakens? And are we starting with Rogue One?

Ruby: Ginger? Answer Fly’s questions and I’ll make coffee. How many movies are we watching today and in what order?

Ginger: I have the schedule printed out there and the DVD’s are in my bag.

Fly: Schedule?

Ruby: Ginger…why are there TEN DVD’S IN YOUR BAG?!

Ginger: We’re going to have an EPIC STAR WARS MARATHON OF LEGEND!! Except, I didn’t include the holiday special or Clone Wars or Rebels because, this is really a movie marathon and also I couldn’t find a copy of the holiday special.

Ruby: Why do we get to share in this…extravaganza…with you?

Ginger: It’s not just you – I emailed it to my family and coworkers and other friends. I’m going to be calling and texting others to make sure they’re adhering to the schedule.

Fly: Someday, I hope we get to be lucky enough that you trust us to adhere to the schedule.

Ginger: It would help if Ruby didn’t respond to the email with “oh, that’s cute.”

Ruby: I didn’t know there would be punishment!

Fly: Ginger…did you include a narrative of your own making to this?

Ginger: Of course. Otherwise, how would I explain why I included the prequels? And those other two movies?

Ruby: Let’s see the schedule again…

Star Wars Viewing Schedule

Sinister Sugar

Ginger: Ants are stupid.

Ruby: Oh? Why is that?

Ginger: I was reading about an ant poison that works by putting a poison gel out, the ants are attracted to it, eat it, and bring it home to feed all the other ants in the colony.

Ruby: Okay, why were you reading about ant poisons?

Ginger: Unless you want to know all the dark secrets of my Google search history, I’m going to ignore your question.

Ruby: …deal. Why does this ant poison make ants stupid?

Ginger: Who would find a food supply where the initial food scouts died and think “Gee, maybe now we can be friends! I shall bring this home to the wife and kids and no harm shall come to us!”

Ruby: I guess it’s a good thing ants haven’t discovered logical thought yet.

Ginger: Well, good for humans. Bad for ants.

Ruby: …what are you eating?

Ginger: A donut. Someone left a whole box in the break room today with a note saying “Free Donuts – Enjoy!”

Ruby: Oh.

Ginger: Did you want one? I brought an extra for you…

There’s No More Baltic States

Ruby: Ginger, stop writing on the map!

Ginger: I refuse to let bad geography be passed along to future generations!

Ruby: Okay, first of all, it’s behind glass, so no matter what you do today, the cleaning crew will stare at your work for a minute, shrug and then clean it off.

Ginger: That’s YOUR assumption. My crystal ball is more detailed. Alan and Margot will read my corrected map notations and applaud the fact that SOMEONE out there can name all 12 Baltic States.

Ruby: And second, there are not 12 Baltic States.

Ginger: There isn’t?

Ruby: There are only three. And Norway is not one of them.

Ginger: Huh. What was I thinking of?

Ruby: …getting coffee?

Ginger: Probably. Well, now I have to fix this…

Ruby: How are you going to fix your scribbled geographic errors of – wow.

Ginger: Didn’t you ever play that game with your sister?

Ruby: What game?

Ginger: She draws a squiggly line and then you have to make it into a famous work of art. But Jackson Pollock is cheating.

Ruby: Yeah, your sister made that game up so you would do her nails.

Ginger: …huh. I wonder how I didn’t see that…

Ruby: Well, now I have to change my prediction of what the cleaning crew will do tonight when they see this.

Ginger: Oh? What will the do?

Ruby: Wonder who drew Botticelli’s Birth of Venus across a perfectly good map of the world. And then clean it off.

Ginger: That’s disappointing. What if I drew Venus taking a selfie?

Ruby: If you don’t, I will buy you a coffee. Right now.

Ginger: …I like coffee…


A Day Late & A Scholar Dork

Ginger: Ruby, can I have a dog?

Ruby: I expected you here yesterday.

Ginger: Why?

Ruby: Because you’ve been stopping by on Wednesdays recently.

Ginger: I’ll stop by next Wednesday.

Ruby: I’ll believe it when I see it.

Ginger: Can I have a dog?

Ruby: No.

Ginger: What? Why not?

Ruby: Who will feed it?

Ginger: You don’t have to be so rude. His name will be Socrates.

Ruby: Who will feed Socrates?

Ginger: Hemlock.

Ruby: That’s a bad idea, Ginger.

Ginger: No, my neighbor is named Hemlock. I think his first name is Tom.

Ruby: I’m going to push past the headache you’re bringing on…

Ginger: That’s brave of you.

Ruby: Why would your neighbor feed your dog?

Ginger: Because, I guess, technically, Socrates isn’t my dog.

Ruby: Who, technically, would own Socrates?

Ginger: Athens.

Ruby: …Ginger, don’t make me call your sister to settle this.

Ginger: No – you misheard me. I said the Athelings. That’s the family that lives in the apartment under Hemlock. They have twin girls named Christina and Margaret and a four year old named Edgar.

Ruby: Why would Hemlock feed Socrates, if Socrates is owned by Athelings?

Ginger: Hemlock has dog food. The Athelings do not.

Ruby: Why don’t they get dog food?

Ginger: Because Hemlock already has dog food in his place for his dog.

Ruby: I’m almost scared to ask…

Ginger: That dog is named Aristotle.

Ruby: Why doesn’t that surprise me?

Ginger: I’m not completely sure…but I could guess.

Ruby: So, why are you asking to have a dog that someone else feeds and another family owns?

Ginger: Well, because the Athelings are going out of town for a while. They’re taking a family trip to England, Scotland and Hungary. Not in that order.

Ruby: So, really, you’re just asking if you can help watch the dog while the family is out of town.

Ginger: Yes.

Ruby: In that case, sure. But only if Hemlock also promises to watch you while you watch Socrates.

Ginger: Yeah, I think he was already on that. He’s seen me around Aristotle. I’m lost as soon as he starts howling and carrying on…

Ruby: Right. You know, I never knew about your neighbors.

Ginger: Oh, yeah. They recently moved in. Edgar is a charming little prince and those twins are sweet girls – one of them is practically a saint.

Ruby: What about the other one?

Ginger: I don’t know much about her. She’s usually cloistered away reading and studying…quiet girl. She could be a saint, too. I don’t know.

Ruby: Your world is very strange, you know.

Ginger: I do know that.

C2E2 Special Edition

Many thanks and appreciation to Mr. Zachary Levi for previewing/approving this post. It was lovely meeting you. 

*  *  *

Ginger: There he is! Chuck! CHUCK!

Ruby: His name is Zachary Levi, Ginger.

Ginger: But then everyone will know it’s HIM and he’ll get mobbed!

Ruby: You’re standing in his autograph line at a convention.

Ginger: You’re getting to a point soon, right?

Zachary Levi: Hi. I’m Za—

Ginger: Hi…Chuck…

Zachary Levi: Ah, yes. First season DVD. To Ginger, right? That’s you?

Ruby: She’ll snap out of this soon. You should have seen her around Nathan Fillion.

Ginger: …tall…

Zachary Levi: …okay…so, I’ll just…sign then?

Ruby: Thank you. Ginger, the line is long. C’mon, we have to go.

Ginger: …nice…

Zachary Levi: It was nice meeting you…

Ruby: Thank him for his time, Ginger.

Ginger: …I love you…

Ruby: That’s not…awkward at all… Awesome. Read the room, Ginger.

Ginger: The room says Restrooms This Way, Ruby!

Green Thumb-Challenged

Ginger: Okay, seriously. How did you do it?

Ruby: Do what?

Ginger: Ha, ha. I get it. You’re clever. But now…how?

Ruby: Ginger, I’m just as confused as I sound. What are you talking about?

Ginger: My plant. Vernacula the Fifth.

Ruby: Did you name your plant “Vernacula the Fifth,” or is this the fifth attempt to have a plant named “Vernacula”?

Ginger: Vernacula is the sixth attempt to keep a plant alive in my home. I couldn’t name the bamboo “Vernacula.” He was named Yangtze because I couldn’t pronounce “green” in Chinese.

Ruby: Of course.

Ginger: Getting back on topic, now, how did you do it?

Ruby: I still don’t know what you’re talking about.

Ginger: Vernacula the Fifth has bloomed. There are tiny flower buds in Vernacula’s leaves.

Ruby: Oh, hey! That’s great!

Ginger: Yeah, except we both know you snuck in last night and replaced Vernacula the Fifth with what is clearly Vernacula the Imposter.

Ruby: No, I didn’t.

Ginger: Fine. You sent Fly to do it. Still. How did you do it?

Ruby: Ginger, we didn’t replace your plant that usually dies within a month and then sits on your kitchen counter mere inches from the sink until it is nothing more than a dry, withered, yellowish crinkly paper-like substance in a flowerpot that says “Bloom Where You’re Planted.”

Ginger: …then how do you explain the tiny flowers??

Ruby: You either found a plant that fought back against your tyranny or you’ve been feeding the plant drops of your blood and will soon start having conversations regarding your quality of life if you feed the plant an entire human being.

Ginger: Or Elle replaced it.

Ruby: Please, whatever it offers you, Ginger, don’t feed the plant.

Ginger: But if I do, then all my dreams of having a guest spot on the Jack Paar show will come true!

Ruby: Ginger…. No.

This Is Why She Shouldn’t Contribute

Ginger: I feel bad you always make dinner for me… I feel like I should contribute once or twice a year…

Ruby: You contribute to Thanksgiving with your family every year. I feel that qualifies as contributing to Thanksgiving in my home, as well.

Ginger: But I can make dinner sometime…how about tonight?

Ruby: Um…what will you “cook” for me and Fly?

Ginger: I have some skills…

Ruby: Really? Because, last I checked, you didn’t know why your oven didn’t have an on-switch.

Ginger: I just decided. It’s Hot Dog Wednesday!

Ruby: …I don’t think that’s a thing.

Ginger: It could be if you’d let it happen.

Ruby: Why Wednesday?

Ginger: Hot Dog Tuesday just sounds like you’re trying too hard.

Ruby: But shouldn’t it be alliterative? Like, I don’t know, Wonton Soup Wednesday?

Ginger: I don’t like wonton soup.

Ruby: Some people do.

Ginger: That’s nice for those people.

Ruby: Maybe some people don’t like hot dogs.

Ginger: Well, fine, Ruby. How about…‘Wurst Wednesday? You can have any ‘wurst you want. Bratwurst, liverwurst…hot dog-wurst…

Ruby: No, ‘Wurst Wednesday sounds too much like WORST Wednesday. And you made it about hot dogs again.

Ginger: Name another food that begins with a W.

Ruby: Welsh Rarebit.

Ginger: Too complicated.

Ruby: White clam chowder.

Ginger: I…doubt I could make that.

Ruby: Wild rice medley.

Ginger: Does it come in a box?

Ruby: Wheat thins and cheese?

Ginger: That sounds like part of Wine Wednesday.

Ruby: Wine Wednesday could be a thing…

Ginger: Great! It’s Wine Wednesday. Bring some Wheat Thins and cheese. I’ll make hot dogs!

Ruby: Where does the wine come from? Me or you?

Ginger: I could whine…

Ruby: I’ll bring something. I promise.

Ginger: I think I can make the wild rice medley…

Ruby: Really?

Ginger: Yeah – I just found it in a box with instructions!

Ruby: …how old is that box?

Ginger: I dunno. My mom probably gave it to me the day I moved out. Rice doesn’t go bad, does it?

Ruby: I will bring Wheat Thins. Please do not make that rice.

Ginger: Does rice normally make scratching noises from inside the box?