Not Enough Post-Its

Ginger: Oh, good! You’re home!

Ruby: Ginger, what is this?

Ginger: I wasn’t sure if you were home yet, so I was debating leaving the box of cookies in your mailbox.

Ruby: My mailbox is too small for this box of cookies…

Ginger: I saw that, so I was going to leave it on your doorstep instead, but then I was worried someone might be walking by and want the cookies.

Ruby: …so you put a Post-It on the box that says “Don’t Steal These Cookies”?

Ginger: Yeah.

Ruby: Did you think the Post-It was going to be a good deterrent?

Ginger: Yes. It worked when my coworker left a DVD he borrowed on the desk.

Ruby: Your coworker left a DVD with a Post-It that said “Don’t Steal These Cookies” on your desk?

Ginger: No, it just said “Don’t Steal.” I was at lunch and told him I’d stop by to pick up the DVD on my way back. But he had a meeting and was worried I’d kill him if someone else picked up the DVD while he was away.

Ruby: So this is your new theory? You can just leave things out with a Post-It that says “Don’t Steal” and that will…work?

Ginger: We could try it with your car…?

Ruby: I don’t want to try it with my car.

Ginger: Look, the thing is, it works in its simplicity. Just put a Post-It that says “Don’t Steal” on something and people will have to do what the Post-It says.

Ruby: What if they take the Post-It off?

Ginger: We’ll put a Post-It that says “Don’t Remove Post-It” on the Post-It that says “Don’t Steal.” This is really where the world has gone wrong. There just weren’t enough Post-Its on the things that needed to be not stolen.

Ruby: We’re still not putting a Post-It on my car.

Ginger: But no one will steal it if we do.

Ruby: I have one more question before we get back to why I’m not putting a Post-It on my car.

Ginger: Why did I bring you a shoebox full of cookies?

Ruby: Why DID you bring a shoebox full of cookies?

Ginger: I had insomnia last night, so I made cookies at one in the morning.

Ruby: This is a SHOEBOX full of cookies.

Ginger: There are more where that came from.

Ruby: …are they edible?

Ginger: I…sincerely doubt it. I had to make some substitutions to the recipe.

Ruby: Such as?

Ginger: I didn’t have vanilla extract, so I melted some vanilla ice cream.

Ruby: I have a Post-It for you. You’ll need to put it on your cookbook when  you get home tonight.

Ginger: Does it say “Don’t Steal?”

Ruby: No. It says “Don’t Use Unsupervised.”

Ginger: Yeah…it should probably go on my pots and pans cabinet, too.

Ruby: I’ll make extras.

Dinner Is Hard.

Fly: Any thoughts on what we could have for dinner?

Ruby: So many.

Fly: Are they feasible ideas?

Ruby: Less many.

Fly: For example…?

Ruby: If I make hard boiled eggs, would you be okay with a Cobb-like salad?

Fly: Do we have lettuce?

Ruby: Yup!

Fly: What about tomato? Bacon? Avocado?

Ruby: No, no and no.

Fly: So, lettuce and eggs for dinner?

Ruby: We have turkey lunch meat. And pecans.

Fly: Let me check on this… Ah. Wikipedia says the ingredients of a Cobb salad are EAT COBB: egg, avocado, tomato, chicken, onion, bacon and blue cheese.

Ruby: I did say “Cobb-like.”

So…So Proud.

Ruby: Ginger, I’m very proud of you.

Ginger: Because I ate a salad for lunch? That’s nothing. Wait til you hear what I’m eating for dinner tonight.

Ruby: No, that’s not why I’m very proud of you.

Ginger: Are you proud because I watched an entire season of a TV show in three days and didn’t tell you to watch it? I don’t always tell you about my TV shows, Ruby.

Ruby: …no. That’s also not why I’m very proud of you.

Ginger: Was it because I made my bed this morning? I do that every morning. It’s not that big a deal, Ruby.

Ruby: No, Ginger. That’s not it, either.

Ginger: Well, I’m getting stumped here. I paid my bills, I fed the fish, I organized the back closet, I swept the floors, I re-organized my movie collection… What, exactly, made you very proud of me?

Ruby: You managed to kill the spider without naming it.

Ginger: …well, he clearly wasn’t the kind of spider who would abide by my house rules.

Ruby: Clearly.

Ginger: You have weird moments of pride.

Ruby: What are you eating for dinner tonight?

Ginger: I bought a bag of marshmallows and some coffee flavored ice cream.

Ruby: …please stay for dinner tonight.

Ginger: Why?

Ruby: So both of our mothers will be proud of your dinner.

Ginger: Okay, but I have to warn you – my mother rarely asks what I eat for dinner, so she probably won’t know to be proud.

Ruby: I’ll text her a picture.

Ginger: That could work…

Details, De Tales

Ruby: What on earth are you doing?

Ginger: I don’t want to get into details, but when I woke up this morning, I realized my dream was almost an exact adaptation of this novel you lent me once, but I couldn’t remember the title, only the cover of the book, so while I was making my coffee and choosing my outfit for the day, I decided I could just stop by and find the cover on my way into work, but then my train got delayed because there was a sick passenger on the train in front of mine, so I had to get on the bus and transfer to a second bus before I could get here and by then you had left for work but Fly said I could look for the novel and lock up when I left so I started looking for the novel but I saw your books were not organized by color of the book spine, so I called in sick to work so I could really fix your book organization but then I realized I hadn’t had breakfast and while I made toast I saw your  eggs had passed the expiration date, but I didn’t want to just throw them out, so I looked up a way to tell if eggs have expired on the internet and it involved a bowl of cold water but then I didn’t know if that was a real way or an Internet lie, so I tried looking that up and then the toast was burning so I needed to dump the water on the toaster but I didn’t remember to take the eggs out first even though I remembered to unplug the toaster and then I saw your eggs haven’t expired but now I had wet black toast and a partly fried egg and all your books stacked on the table so I couldn’t really sit there to eat so I went to eat by your TV and knew I would get distracted so I tried sitting backwards on the couch but then there were crumbs and I had to find your vacuum so you wouldn’t know I had eaten backwards on your couch but then I saw you had a box of puzzles and I was really intrigued by the puzzle with the mystery involved so I tried to put that together and before long I saw what time it was and I hadn’t eaten lunch yet so I went to the kitchen but it still had my dishes from breakfast and I knew I should clean up and I looked for dish soap but I saw the geraniums instead and I wanted to water them and then I tripped over the vacuum and spilled the water on the rug so I had to get a towel but your dryer had shirts in there and I thought I could at least fold some shirts for you before I go home and then I figured as long as I was folding shirts I could watch some TV and then……..you came home.

Ruby: ………..so, basically, you had a hard day.

Ginger: I think that is an accurate description. But way shorter.

I’ll Be Back. With Roses.

Ruby: Ginger, you cannot claim The Terminator as one of your favorite romance films.

Ginger: That’s weird, because I already did. I think you have “cannot” confused with “should not.”

Ruby: So, you acknowledge it is not a romantic film?

Ginger: No, I acknowledge your choice of words was not correct.

Fly: What’s going on?

Ginger: I had to take a survey at the movie theatre.

Ruby: I think you have “had to” confused with “decided to.”

Ginger: I acknowledge the correction. I stand by my choice of words.

Ruby: She was asked for her favorite five romance films.

Fly: And The Terminator made the list?

Ruby: Yes.

Ginger: Considering the other films I listed, it shouldn’t be a surprise.

Fly: What were the other films?

Ginger: Sin City, Slither, 300, and of course, The Princess Bride.

Fly: I…wish I was surprised.

Ruby: You always watch Dirty Dancing! Why isn’t THAT on your list?

Ginger: Because it’s a DANCE movie.

Fly: Obviously.

Ruby: Don’t take her side!

Fly: Why not? Her idea of a romantic movie sounds more fun… Maybe we should try one of her romantic movies on date night.

Ginger: …….wait, you two spend time together when I’m not here? Being……….romantic?

Ruby: Only when we’re very, very bored.

Fly: Which does happen, since you’re not here to entertain us.

Ginger: Huh. Well, then. There’s really only one thing to do.

Ruby: I don’t trust her word choices today… You ask her.

Fly: What is the one thing to do, Ginger?

Ginger: I will have to loan you my entire romance movie collection when I go on vacation.

Fly: Awesome.

Ruby: I think I don’t trust YOUR word choices either.

Fairies Often Force Healthy Foods On People

Ruby: Ginger? Are you awake?

Elle: She’s out like a light…

Ruby: Quick! Let’s put the groceries away before she wakes up!

Elle: I’m pretty sure there are normal people out there who buy their own fruits and vegetables, rather than relying on their friends to sneak them into a fridge in the middle of the night.

Ruby: Those “normal people” you speak of… Do they not believe there are vigilant fairies who magically stock fridges with fruits and vegetables in the middle of the night?

Elle: They do not.

Ruby: They sound boring.

Elle: Why do we have to do this?

Ruby: Ginger believes if the food is in the fridge, she has to eat it. But she never thinks about buying fruits and vegetables.

Elle: But why do we have to do this?

Ruby: She has been sneaking chocolate covered espresso beans into my granola mix for the past week.

Elle: OH. It’s revenge.

Ruby: Exactly.

40th Anniversary Marathon

Ruby: So?

Ginger: So?

Ruby: So, why are you here at 5:30 in the morning?

Ginger: Because we’re going to do something wonderful today.

Ruby: No, we’re not.

Ginger: Yes! We are! I’ve timed it all out and we’re going to have to start early if we’re going to get everything seen in one day…

Fly: What is going on?

Ruby: Ginger’s decided we have to do a full movie marathon today…

Fly: Oh. Because it’s the 40th Anniversary?

Ginger: See? Fly knows!

Ruby: Knows what? 40th anniversary of what?

Fly & Ginger: The 40th Anniversary of Star Wars.

Ruby: …gee. Why did I not know that. Strange.

Ginger: Sometimes, I wonder about you, Ruby.

Fly: Since we’re up, is there breakfast?

Ginger: I would love a coffee.

Ruby: You didn’t plan the food?

Ginger: I brought blue milk. I didn’t know I needed anything else.

Ruby: So, we’re going to do this? We’re going to watch all the Star Wars movies? That’s, what, four movies? Five?

Fly: The Original Trilogy and the Prequels and Force Awakens and Rogue One is eight movies.

Ruby: But Ginger denies the existence of the Prequels.

Fly: So, wait, are we watching only the Original Trilogy, or are we continuing on through the Force Awakens? And are we starting with Rogue One?

Ruby: Ginger? Answer Fly’s questions and I’ll make coffee. How many movies are we watching today and in what order?

Ginger: I have the schedule printed out there and the DVD’s are in my bag.

Fly: Schedule?

Ruby: Ginger…why are there TEN DVD’S IN YOUR BAG?!

Ginger: We’re going to have an EPIC STAR WARS MARATHON OF LEGEND!! Except, I didn’t include the holiday special or Clone Wars or Rebels because, this is really a movie marathon and also I couldn’t find a copy of the holiday special.

Ruby: Why do we get to share in this…extravaganza…with you?

Ginger: It’s not just you – I emailed it to my family and coworkers and other friends. I’m going to be calling and texting others to make sure they’re adhering to the schedule.

Fly: Someday, I hope we get to be lucky enough that you trust us to adhere to the schedule.

Ginger: It would help if Ruby didn’t respond to the email with “oh, that’s cute.”

Ruby: I didn’t know there would be punishment!

Fly: Ginger…did you include a narrative of your own making to this?

Ginger: Of course. Otherwise, how would I explain why I included the prequels? And those other two movies?

Ruby: Let’s see the schedule again…

Star Wars Viewing Schedule