Ginger: Ruby? Are you here?
Ruby: Where else would I be? You called and told me not to move until you got here.
Ginger: It’s important.
Ginger: Okay, take a seat. This will knock you over otherwise, and I can’t be held responsible for any injuries sustained in the revelation of this new discovery.
Ruby: What’s so important, Ginger? Did you discover penicillin again?
Ginger: No and that was an honest mistake that could have happened to anyone.
Ruby: Yes, anyone who leaves cheese out overnight on the hottest day of the year.
Ginger: I paid you back.
Ruby: What’s the important discovery, Ginger?
Ginger: The Rule Of Two.
Ginger: Nathan Fillion has a Rule Of Two!
Ruby: And you’ve lost all my interest.
Ginger: No, listen, it’s incredible! I was at work filling out some form letter–oh, wait…I hope I didn’t address another letter to Mal Reynolds…
Ginger: The first one was caught and corrected before it was sent out. …no, I fixed the name this time. That was close…
Ginger: No, seriously! Listen – I was at work, filling out some form letter, when it occurred to me that Nathan Fillion has played TWO superheroes – Captain Hammer and The Holy Avenger – and then, he’s also played TWO captains – Captain Hammer and Captain Mal Reynolds!
Ruby: Wow. I’m just…speechless…really. Are you sure you caught the letter before you sent it out this time?
Ginger: And then I got to thinking, he’s also played TWO OB-GYN’s – Dr. Pomatter and Dr. Mayfair! So, then, I was all – whoa…hang on…and I remembered he has also played TWO clergy members – Caleb and Father David!
Ruby: Father David?
Ginger: “Dracula 2000″ – with Gerard Butler as Dracula.
Ruby: How did we miss that one?
Ginger: We don’t have to – I can get a copy.
Ruby: Please don’t.
Ginger: Anyway, then I was all ‘hang on, he plays a WRITER now, he’s never played one of those before” but then I remembered HE DID! In “Water’s Edge!”
Ginger: And he’s played TWO cops – Bill Pardy and Kevin Callis! And he’s played TWO handymen – Johnny Donnelly and…um…the Construction Worker in “PG Porn”…
Ruby: You swore we’d never talk about that again.
Ruby: Also, that’s kind of stretching it.
Ginger: Not as much as my next one – Minnesota Ryan and Gunnery Sargeant Buck – TWO military men. Also, TWO DC Comics Cartoon characters – Steve Trevor and Hal Jordan…I admit those are stretching it…but c’mon! The facts are just lining up for us!
Ruby: Hang on, Hal Jordan is a superhero. That makes THREE superheroes he’s played.
Ginger: Yeah, I know, he also played a clergyman on “Pasadena,” but since that wasn’t fitting in with my Rule Of Two, I figured I could ignore it. Also, I never watched “Pasadena.”
Ruby: I’d say I’m surprised, but I have often found you ignore facts or reality whenever the mood hits you.
Ginger: It’s a talent.
Ruby: It’s something.
Ginger: But, aside from those exceptions, The Rule Of Two totally applies across his acting resume!
Ruby: My goodness…do you know what this means?
Ginger: Yes! It means he’ll come back to Chicago for a con and I can finally meet him and hug him and tell him how much I’m madly in love with him and he’ll realize I’m the missing piece in his life that he’s been subconciously searching for and he’ll sweep me up in his arms and hold me and we’ll take a picture of him holding twine for The Bloggess – not that she needs one anymore, but just because it will be a furiously happy way for us to invite her to our inevitable wedding – and life will be filled with a magical aura of undeniable hope, love, wonder and amazement forever after until one of us dies in a tragic accident that the other is somehow implicated in a murder that haunts us to our very core until the surviving half wastes away in solitude and despair and the world forgets about until that body is found – also in mysterious circumstances – and we replace the JFK assassination fascination?
Ginger: Love like ours never ends well.
Ruby: Okay, first, I’m taking away your romance novels and blocking a lot more websites on your computer.
Ginger: I knew you’d respond like this. Look, you and Fly also have a wonderful romance…
Ruby: SECOND, I’m going to tell you what I was GOING to say before you went off the deepest of the deep ends.
Ginger: Oh, right. What, Ruby, what does it mean?
Ruby: It means you need to stop stalking Nathan Fillion.
Ginger: But what will I do with my free time?
Ruby: We’ll find something – ANYTHING – else to do.
Ginger: Will it involve rollerskates? I don’t really rollerBLADE…
Ruby: Anything with the word “blade” is definitely out.
Ginger: Oh, good. I just can’t stay balanced on those things…
Ruby: We have all discussed your balance, Ginger…
Ginger: It’s that obvious?
Ruby: Oh yeah.