We Get Paid To Do This?

In One Office…

Ruby: Let’s see today’s schedule. Hmm…meeting, meeting, lunch meeting, meeting, code-writing meeting, seminar. Seminar? Seminar…on…training underlings? We call them ‘underlings?’ (pause) I didn’t know I even had underlings…

Across Town, In Another Office…

Ginger: (answering phone) Ginger.

Harriet: Hiya, Ginge, it’s Harriet. Listen, I scheduled a meeting with Lily, Tommy, Steve, Bill, Martin, Murray, Candi, Alex, Mark, Jason and Dave to take place this week and I told them all to contact you with their lunch information. I’ve been talking this over with Sonya and she’s going to be helping me out with lunch arrangements. Do you think you could also put together the binders I’ll need for that meeting?

Ginger: Um, sure, but wouldn’t it be easier to just have one person handle all this?

Harriet: Sonya said you were kinda busy with other projects. So for lunch arrangements I was thinking of pizza from that place on the corner, what’s it called?

Ginger: Didn’t you just say that–

In Ruby’s Office…

Ruby: (on the phone) So, yeah, Lee, I was just curious about this ‘Training Underling Seminar’ I’m supposed to attend?

Lee: No, no, no, you don’t have to attend that.

Ruby: It says ‘Mandatory’ in big, bold, red letters.

Lee: Oh, well, then, you do.

Ruby: Um, okay, but, I don’t have underlings…do I?

Lee: We don’t like to call them “underlings,” Ruby…

Ruby: I’m reading the words directly from the email that you also received, okay?

Lee: Okay…

Ruby: ‘Mandatory Training Underling Seminar.’

Lee: Huh…I thought it said ‘Underdog’ there.

Ruby: Why would we be training Underdog?

 In Ginger’s Office…

Harriet: So, again, the meeting attendees should be Steve, Bill, Martin, Lily, Tommy, Mark, Jason, Murray, Candi, Alex and Dave and since Dave, Martin, Mark and Candi are vegetarians, you Sonya and I can discuss this tomorrow when I get back in the office.

Ginger: Right. And in the binders?

Harriet: Oh, yes, you’re right, in the binders there should be the papers I left on Sonya’s desk, three-hole punched and the laminated copy I left in my drawer, but we’ll discuss that tomorrow when I’m back in the office.

Ginger: If the papers are on Sonya’s desk, and Sonya knows all about this meeting, and you want Sonya to handle the lunch arrangements that you keep telling me about, why doesn’t Sonya do the binders and catch all the lunch information, too?

Harriet: Now, did I mention everyone attending the meeting? Let’s see, Steve, Martin, Bill,  Murray, Candi, Alex, Lily, Tommy, Mark, Dave and Jason.

Ginger: Harriet, why are you talking to me about this, why not talk directly with Sonya and let her handle this?

Harriet: And Steve, Alex and Lily are all lactose intolerant, so I guess we’ll need the blue binders with the white lettering, but we’ll meet tomorrow when I’m back in the office to discuss all this…

In Ruby’s Office…

Ruby: No, her name was Polly!

Lee: Are you sure? Polly?

Ruby: Yes, the quote is “When Polly’s in trouble, I am not slow, it’s Hip, Hip, Hip and away I go!”

Lee: I thought Underdog dated a frog…

Ruby: …what kind of messed up cartoons did you watch as a child?


Harriet: And then, because Lily is allergic to olives, we should probably have some water available, do you think we could get the south conference room?

Ginger: Well, my head hurts from listening to you, but I think I could tie my shoes while rolling my tongue.

Harriet: No, that’s a good point. Well, we’ll discuss it tomorrow when I’m in the office.

Ginger: What a plan. Did you think of that just now?

Harriet: What a kidder you are! I’ll see you tomorrow when I’m in the office! G’bye!

Ginger: Bye. (hangs up)

Freddy: (walking by, stops) Ginger?

Ginger: Oh, no…


Lee: So you’re saying that there’s no possible way that it could ever work out between Kermit and Miss Piggy?

Ruby: He may be in love with her, but there’s no way to reconcile the differences between species. His species squeezes eggs out of the female, then fertilizes them. Her species couples and the female carries the unborn inside. There’s really no possible way to have a frog-pig.

Lee: Squeezes the eggs out?

Ruby: Well, yes. It’s biology. Pure and simple. Look it up, if you don’t believe me.

Lee: But they’re both MUPPETS. There’s got to be a reconciliation there, somehow!


Freddy: And then I got the job here.

Ginger: Freddy, I really have to get some work done. Could you maybe, shoo?

Freddy: I mean, I still take the train in every morning. Do you?

Ginger: As I mentioned just a minute ago, I moved.

Freddy: Oh, yeah, you did say that, didn’t you?

Ginger: And I have work. It, uh, needs to get done, so…could you…go?

Freddy: So where did you move to?


Ruby: Okay, so we’ve now gotten completely off-subject and I still don’t know why I have to attend this seminar, since I don’t have underlings.

Lee: I still can’t believe you would be so…close-minded…about Muppets.

Ruby: For the last time, Lee, Muppets Don’t Do That.

Lee: But where do little Muppets come from?


Freddy: I’ve never seen that technique, before, Ginger, really?

Ginger: Yes, it’s really rare. Really. But I recommend it.

Freddy: Wow. Just repeatedly hitting your head against the desk?

Ginger: Yeah.

Freddy: Really?

Ginger: Yeah. Go try it. At your desk.


Lee: You must frighten children.

Ruby: Actually, that’s Ginger.


Sonya: Ginger, why is Freddy banging his head against the desk?

Ginger: It’s a stress reduction technique.

Sonya: I didn’t know he was that stressed…

Ginger: He’s not. I am. It’s stress reducing for me.

Sonya: Do you…frighten people often?

Ginger: Why do you ask?


Ruby: Okay, well, I’ll see you in the seminar, Lee.

Lee: Yeah, make sure you bring that print-out on the frogs.

Ruby: Right. (hangs up, phone rings almost immediately) Ruby here.

Ginger: (on other end) You would not believe the morning I have had here.

Ruby: Try me.


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