Just 3 Pages

(Ruby is reading at home when her cell phone rings, she checks the caller ID and answers)

Ruby: I’m reading and I have three pages left to go. Is this really that important?

Ginger: He loves her, she loves him, they live happily ever after bringing sexual joy to one another for eternity and in the next book in the series you will find out the name of their joyful, bubbly and happy children. I’m having a crisis. Now that I’ve blown the ending, can you listen?

Ruby: ‘Sexual joy to one another for eternity?’

Ginger: Crisis. Here.

Ruby: What if I was reading something that does not have a lewd cover?

Ginger: You would not have answered the phone. Crisis. Here.

Ruby: Breathe deeply. It is not worth it to strangle her no matter how many grammatical errors she inflicted upon you.Reading. Here.

Ginger: It’s not grammar. It’s a crisis.

Ruby: Fine. It’s not worth it to duct tape him to a highway, no matter how many times he’s proven himself to be a chauvinistic pig. Still. Reading. Here. Three pages! Three!

Ginger: It’s not a chauvinistic pig. It’s a crisis. Emphasis on the CRISIS.

Ruby: 350 degrees, twenty minutes, stick a toothpick in the center, if it comes out gooey, give it another ten. Seriously, get a cookbook already!

Ginger: What are you missing about ‘crisis?!’

Ruby: Ginger, it’s three pages left! Your definition of a crisis varies from mood to mood. If you’re telling me that it’s a real crisis–and what are the three things that make up a crisis?

Ginger: Large meteor, severe loss of blood or…what was the other one?

Ruby: Death! And you’re not dead–will you stop making me quote movies?

Ginger: There is nothing wrong with a good combination like Bullock and Grant.

Ruby: True, but…what is your crisis? I’m obviously not getting back to this book until you get it off your chest.

Ginger: I’m bored.

Ruby: I’m waiting.

Ginger: Waiting for what?

Ruby: The crisis.

Ginger: That’s it. I’m bored.

Ruby: That’s not a crisis.

Ginger: It is when you’re on a date.

Ruby: Are you on a date? Where are you calling from?

Ginger: My apartment. I didn’t say I was on a date, I said it’s a crisis if you’re bored while on a date.

Ruby: This couldn’t wait for three pages?

Ginger: Four.

Ruby: For what?

Ginger: I’m holding the last page of your book in my hand. You have four pages left.

Ruby: What are you talking about?

Ginger: Flip ahead three pages.

Ruby: What–okay. Fine. One, two, three…

Ginger: It doesn’t end with a period, does it?

Ruby: How did this happen?

Ginger: I have no idea, but I’m betting the binding in your novel isn’t what it once was.

Ruby: Ginger…why didn’t you just tell me that when we started this conversation?

Ginger: I’m bored.

Ruby: And?

Ginger: And dragging the conversation out made my boredom a little less…oh, how shall I put it? Um…unbearable.

Ruby: Just bring the page over. I’ll lend you a book.

Ginger: I was hoping you’d say that. But, I don’t want this book. I’ve now read and re-read the last page four times.

Ruby: Why didn’t you put on a movie?

Ginger: I did. I watched Sandra wittily banter with Hugh for two weeks.

Ruby: Bring the page over.

Ginger: Are you going to strangle me?

Ruby: No, but I’m seriously considering duct taping you to a highway.

Ginger: You might want to use the duct tape for your book, instead.

Ruby: Just bring the page over.

Ginger: Yes’m.


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