Specifically Pacific

Ginger: What is wrong with the English-speaking world? Why do people continue to speak? It’s obvious that they don’t know how. I’m so going to tell people to just Stop Talking to their children. Not just baby talk. No, no. People who do not know how to speak, or what language they speak, should just not be allowed to speak. I would like to propose a bill that allows us to duct tape mouths shut on people who cannot speak properly or use the wrong words in every day conversations. They just cannot be allowed to influence future generations in their speech and writing patterns. These people are passing on all the wrong words, definitions, grammatical and spelling errors–

Ruby: How do you pass on spelling errors through speech?

Ginger: Still giving a monologue here, Ruby!

Ruby: Sorry. Continue.

Ginger: I mean, good grief! I just heard a woman offering to proofread a document for a co-worker because, and I quote, “he can be very Pacific about things.”

Ruby: Who can?

Ginger: Who cares?! She’s offering to proofread because someone who will be looking at the document can be an OCEAN about things! Who let her graduate from HIGH SCHOOL?! From grammar school? Why is it not a requirement for people to learn how to speak their own languages?

Ruby: It, technically, is a—

Ginger: No, it isn’t. If it were people would shut up and THINK before they open their mouths and let words that don’t connect come flying out!

Ruby: Why can’t the English learn how to speak?

Ginger: Not helping!

Ruby: Going for a laugh, is all…

Ginger: See? See?! THAT! Diagram your last sentence. Diagram it! Go on! You can’t! You can’t because there is no subject and “I” cannot be an implied subject. “You” is an implied subject! “I” as an implied subject is not a sign of an English speaking people! It is the sign of a LAZY speaker!

Ruby: Should I just correct all of your subject-less sentences from now on?

Ginger: No. Yes. Look, eye no how two speak. And aye no how too spell.

Ruby: Obviously.

Ginger: If eye dew knot no watt a word means, aye due knot use the whirred. If people wood just follow that rule, my life wood bee that much easier!

Ruby: Is your IQ dropping or are my eyes deceiving me?

Ginger: I’m just getting back at the world. Read my words and feel my wrath!

Ruby: Huh.

Ginger: What, now?

Ruby: Nothing. I’m just not convinced anyone is really gonna care.

Ginger: Going to care. And, yes, they are. They will have to care.

Ruby: Sure. Of course they will care.

Ginger: …why do you humor me this way?

Ruby: It’s easier than arguing with you.


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