Spoiler Alert: If You Haven’t Seen “Zoolander” Yet…

Ginger: I was on hold.

Ruby: Okay then…you need to vent about something?

Ginger: I heard a song that threw a wrench into my thought process for the remainder of the day.

Ruby: You have a thought process that doesn’t have wrenches thrown around within on a regular basis?

Ginger: You’re missing the point.

Ruby: What song was it?

Ginger: “Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go.”

Ruby: Are you saddened by the depths to which our hold music has sunk?

Ginger: No.

Ruby: Why did it throw a wrench into your thought process for the remainder of the day?

Ginger: Because it’s the song that is played in Zoolander when Derek’s three best friends take him out to cheer him up and end up having an impromptu gasoline fight and all three die in a fiery explosion, thereby ending their would-have-been amazing male modeling careers.

Ruby: Excuse me?

Ginger: See, Derek has to eu-google-ize them. You know, say the eu-google-ie.

Ruby: Who are you and what have you done with the English Language’s Personal Enforcer?

Ginger: It sends Derek on his path of re-self-discovery. He goes home and tries to be a coal miner with his Pops, but after only one day, he’s pretty sure he comes down with the Black Lung, and has a whole argument with Pops, ending in a tragic “MerMAN, Pops, MerMAN!” and a query to God. God then answers in the voice of Maury, Derek’s agent.

Ruby: Please don’t do this to me again.

Ginger: Derek goes back to being a male model for Mugatu, who explains his reasoning as Derek became the Forbidden Fruit: instantly desirable. Mugatu, Will Ferrell’s greatest role to date, offers to build Derek’s new dream: The Derek Zoolander Center For Kids Who Can’t Read Good. Unfortunately, it needs to be at least 3 times as big before anyone but ants can attend.

Ruby: I’m begging you. I know you’ve seen the movie a dozen times and think it’s hilarious. Please don’t tell me the whole movie again.

Ginger: (sigh) Fine.

Ruby: Really?

Ginger: No. So Derek then…wait, are you still listening to me?

Ruby: Not even pretending to. I’ll wait till you get this out of your system. (hangs up)

Ginger: Oh. (dials phone)

Elle: Hello?

Ginger: “Did you ever wonder if there was more to life than being really, really, really, really good-looking?”

Elle: “Rufus, Brint, and Meekus were like brothers to me. And when I say brother, I don’t mean, like, an actual brother, but I mean it like the way black people use it. Which is more meaningful I think. If there is anything that this horrible tragedy can teach us, it’s that a male model’s life is a precious, precious commodity. Just because we have chiseled abs and stunning features, it doesn’t mean that we too can’t not die in a freak gasoline fight accident.”

Ginger: I knew I’d find a support group in this call. Guess what song I heard while on hold today and what movie it made me remember and which engaged redhead had actual work to do and therefore wasn’t in the mood to re-live the entire movie with me?


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