A Short Explanation For An Extended Absence

As an attempt at explaining what happened over the past two weeks in the unannounced and unscheduled absence, please accept the following…

Elle: Ruby?

Ruby: Elle?

Elle: I need you to come over here…soon.

Ruby: Why? What’s wrong?

Elle: Ginger…says she’s going to call the IT people about the internet connection.

Ruby: Hide all the phones. I’m on my way.

Elle: Thank you!


IT: Hello, IT, how can I help you?

Ginger: I think I broke the internet.

IT: I doubt that, ma’am. Can I have your account number?

Ginger: This is Ginger Blaze.

IT: Ma’am, I will actually need your account number in order to assist you.

Ginger: You’re new, aren’t you?

IT: Excuse me?

Ginger: What’s your name?

IT: …um…Tyler…

Ginger: Tyler, please turn to the person who is training you and tell that person you have Ginger Blaze on the line and she has broken the internet. Again.

Tyler: Ma’am, I will actually need your account number–

Ginger: First? Get off the script. Second? Do what I told you to do, Tyler.

Tyler: …um…Joy? This woman says her name is Ginger Blaze? And…she says she…oh.

Ginger: Tyler? Are you still there?

Tyler: I have your account up, Miss Blaze. It says here that you call in every…six months…to claim you broke the internet.

Ginger: That’s because every six months, I can’t access the internet.

Tyler: You know that doesn’t mean you broke the internet, Miss Blaze.

Ginger: I’m pretty sure it does.  Because if it didn’t, then the only logical conclusion that remains is your company keeps sending me faulty hardware, incompetent technicians and that your parents paid for you to get all sorts of fancy learning for nothing, Tyler, because you’re not changing the world. You’re not making it a better place, Tyler. You’re contributing to the cycle of poor customer service that is continually being foisted onto an unsuspecting public, making them all become more cynical and jaded and less trustworthy by the hour. With every pre-recorded message telling a human being that the call is important to the company, another individual person finds another reason to give up hope of ever being happy that day. Is that what you’re trying to tell me, Tyler? That the company you work for is in this business only to make customers lose faith in humanity? Or, Tyler, is the internet…broken?

Ruby: Give me the phone, Ginger.

Ginger: Tyler? Tyler?? Ugh. Ruby – I made another one cry!

Ruby: Give me the phone, Ginger.

Elle: I offered to make the call for her!

Ginger: Tyler? Tyler, put Joy on the line and why don’t you go to the break room and call your mother. She’ll tell you I’m a mean person who doesn’t know any better. I’m sure your mother loves you, Tyler… Tyler?

Elle: Stop talking to him, Ginger! You’re making it worse!

Ruby: They should really put a warning in her file…

Elle: We should stop letting her talk to tech support! We have no one to blame but ourselves…

Ginger: Tyler, I didn’t…can you just put Joy on the line?


And, as a result, there was no internet access for two weeks.


On Monday, Ruby will resume reading the letters Ginger sent from her trip to a far-off convention of some fame.


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