Plane Hungover

(Elle opens the door and, before Ruby can say anything, Elle grabs the lapels of Ruby’s jacket and drags her in)

Ruby: I didn’t even knock yet…

Elle: I know, she doesn’t know I called you over.

Ruby: Yes, I thought that was odd…

Elle: Shh! (pause…whispers) Do you think she heard us?

Ruby: (whispers) I don’t know…why are we whispering?

Elle: (still whispering) She came home with a bottle of wine and took over the back room. I think something…is wrong…

Ruby: White wine or red wine?

Elle: Red.

Ruby: Oh, dear.

Elle: Exactly.

Ruby: Any change in the hours she’s keeping?

Elle: She’s staying up later, but I thought that was just the plane hangover still dragging on.

Ruby: Mm-hmm. Has she been eating rare meat?

Elle: Her steak was pinker than usual…

Ruby: Okay. I’ll handle this.

Elle: She hasn’t done this in years, I thought she’d gotten past the phase!

Ruby: It comes back to haunt her. Sorry, excuse the expression.

Elle: Just snap her out of it. I can’t live with a v—

Ruby: Shh! Listen! She’s coming out of the bathroom!

(Ginger emerges from the back, holding a bottle that is half-em–er, half-fu–, hmm. Ginger emerges from the back, holding a glass that she is filling with red wine from the bottle that is rapidly going down on the level of liquid within. She looks from Elle to Ruby, shrugs, and sips from the wineglass.)

Ginger:  Good evening.

Elle: We were just going to come get you. Want some pizza? I was going to order. But if you don’t want any garlic bread, we can skip that.

Ginger:  Kay. Elle? Did you lose a necklace or something?

Elle: No. Why?

Ginger:  You keep patting at your neck.

Elle: Do I? Oh. Well. Pizza! I’ll go order. You two talk! (leaves)

Ginger:  Well, that was…weird.

Ruby: I think she’s just worried about you.

Ginger:  Why?

Ruby: Oh, no reason. Just…um…

Ginger:  What?

Ruby: Are you…nocturnal?

Ginger:  Only in a reluctant nature.

Ruby: Any particular reason?

Ginger:  Oh, well, you know, I kinda thought it’d be fun or something.

Ruby: Or something.

Ginger:  Yeah.

Ruby: I never really thought becoming a vampire would be all that “fun.” Ya know, with all that running around and drinking blood and never enjoying sunlight.

Ginger:  Hmm…

Ruby: But “cool” might be applicable.

Ginger:  Cool?

Ruby: Depending on the party speaking, that is.

Ginger:  Yeah. But, I don’t know…maybe drinking blood is fun. I’ve never really tried it, I’m just speculating.

Ruby: I would assume so.

Ginger:  And I’ve never met someone who got “moonburn.”

Ruby: I did not think of that.

Ginger:  Yeah.

Ruby: Well, now that we’ve cleared that up…

Ginger:  Yes?

Ruby: What’s with the wine and the late hours?

Ginger:  Bad day. Bad week. Bad sleep. Bad. I thought the wine would help me get to sleep tonight. But now I’m just…warm.

Ruby: Red wine does tend to do that to a person.

Ginger:  So I’ve come to understand. I just wanted to get sleepy. I did not count on the warm factor factoring in. Can I say that? Factor factoring in?

Ruby: I’ll let it slide.

Ginger:  I’ll figure out what I meant later.

Ruby: Right. So we can chalk this up to “A Moment of Weakness?”

Ginger:  Well, if you’re convinced I’m becoming a vampire, we should really chalk it up to “A Moment of Veakness.”

Ruby: Don’t make me injure you.

Ginger:  Vhat vould you do to me? I see no holy water, crucifixes or vooden stakes about your person…

Ruby: If you’re going to make a fool of yourself with the wine, at least share it with the rest of us.

Ginger:  Yes…join the darkness. Embrace the moonlight!

Ruby: Hand over the glass… (Elle slowly returns to the room, cautiously peering at Ginger)

Ginger:  And just think: No more vorking at vile hours in the morning! I vonder if ve can get paid more since ve von’t need sick days. Who ever heard of a sick vampire?

Ruby: Wouldn’t it be ‘way-cation’ days and ‘wampire?’ Isn’t that part of the traditional stereotypical accent?

Ginger:  No, cause then it’d be ‘Good ewening,’ and that just sounds idiotic.

Ruby: And the rest of the fake accent doesn’t?

Elle: Now you’re joining her?

Ginger:  Elle, DAH-link! Join us! You vill feel much better in the morning…er, evening…this is going to take some time to get used to.

Ruby: Relax, Elle, she’s just finishing off the plane hangover with a plain hangover. She does this sometimes – she’ll hype herself up on sugar before she gets on a plane to a distant and exotic location to try to get a head start on the time change. And when she gets back, she tries to use a glass or two of red wine to help her sleep in her own time zone. It’s not a recommended method.

Ginger:  By doctors.

Ruby: By ANYONE.

Elle: Oh. Why didn’t you tell me? I’m your roommate!

Ginger:  I forgot you didn’t know that already…? I mean, Ruby knew…

Ruby: More or less.

Elle: I see. Well, is there any room in the Children of the Night Train to De-Stress-ville?

Ginger:  Only if you talk in a stereotypical vampire accent.

Elle: Oh, she’s going to regret this in the morning…

Ruby: I’ve been recording our conversation. She’s going to regret this for the rest of her life.

Elle: I knew I liked you…

Ruby: Have some wine and kick back on the knowledge that soon, all who know Ginger will all benefit from the slightly sloshed Blaze as a vampire.

Ginger:  Hey! I can still say the alphabet backwards…Z-Y-W-X-Y-T-U-V…no, wait…I mean, vait…

Elle: I believe the evening is looking up.

Ruby: Got a Polaroid camera? It could look up even more…

Elle: I’ll just go get it!

Ginger:  Bring more glasses, too! This one’s almost empty!

Ruby: Yeah…better hurry with the Polaroid…


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