The Apartment Is Haunted

Ruby: Hi, Ginger. Hi, Elle… Why are you carrying suitcases and sleeping bags?

Ginger: Our apartment is haunted. Do you mind if we crash here for a while?

Elle: Dibs on the couch!

Ruby: Your apartment is haunted?

Ginger: Yes. Hence the crashing of us.

Elle: Do you mind if I take a shower real quick? I think it touched me.

Ruby: What touched you?

Ginger: Ghost. Are you not paying attention?

Ruby: I always pay attention. I just got stuck at ‘your apartment is haunted.’ Wouldn’t you have noticed something like a haunting before you have lived in it for six months?

Elle: We think it was on vacation.

Ginger: But now it’s back.

Ruby: Ghosts don’t take vacations.

Ginger: Are you a ghost?

Ruby: No.

Ginger: Then how do you know?

Ruby: What do they need to de-stress from?

Elle: Screams would upset you after death, too, you know.

Ruby: You screamed?

Elle: Actually, it was more of a gasp…

Ginger: There were words!

Elle: Yeah, but none of them were repeatable in polite company.

Ruby: Elle! I didn’t know you had a mouth like that!

Elle: Oh, it wasn’t me. It was her.

Ginger: You promised you wouldn’t tell!

Elle: Hey, I didn’t mention you by name…

Ruby: Ginger! You screamed–I mean, gasped–unladylike words?

Ginger: Ruby, what did you miss about GHOST? It’s not like it happens every day that a shadow runs across the floor and then stands outside bedroom doors and stares at you!

Ruby: You saw a ghost standing outside your door?

Elle: Technically, we didn’t see it with our eyes.

Ruby: How did you see it staring at you, then?

Ginger: We could tell.

Ruby: When did this happen?

Elle: Last night, around 1 or 2.

Ruby: You were awake at 1 or 2 am?

Ginger: No, we were both sleeping. But I woke up at 2 and saw the shadow and felt it staring at me.

Ruby: In the dark, you saw a shadow.

Elle: And it was her string of gasped words that woke me. The walls are very thin.

Ruby: No, I’m still confused. You saw a shadow in the dark. Was it a shadow of light?

Ginger: I told you she’d be logical.

Elle: Does this mean no couch?

Ruby: Wait, Elle, didn’t you say you thought it touched you?

Elle: I did say I think it touched me.

Ruby: So, you think the ghost touched you?

Elle: I never said that.

Ginger: No, she wasn’t talking about the ghost. I was talking about the ghost.

Ruby: Well, what did you mean?

Elle: It touched me. That thing in the hallway.

Ruby: What thing?

Ginger: One of your neighbors set up an elaborate Halloween decoration in the hallway and the skeleton arm covered in fake cobwebs may have touched her.

Elle: I’m not so sure the cobwebs were fake. Anyway, I feel really…creepy-crawly-covered.

Ginger: A lot like how I feel after seeing the shadow staring at me.

Elle: Right.

Ruby: Ginger, it was dark. You couldn’t have seen a shadow in the dark. And second, the shadow stared at you? Did it have eyes?

Ginger: No, but the intent was very clear.

Ruby: Elle, did you see the shadow in the dark staring without eyes but with clear intent at all? …I cannot believe I just said that…

Elle: Technically, no. But there have been times when the window closes by itself.

Ginger: And the TV turns itself on and off.

Elle: And there have been noises.

Ginger: And every time I open a door to the hallway, I just know someone is standing there, waiting for me.

Elle: You get that feeling, too? You never told me.

Ginger: Well, I’m telling you now.

Ruby: Okay, windows closing by themselves can be fixed. The TV turns itself on and off?

Ginger: Yup.

Ruby: Are you sitting on the remote when this particular show of paranormal activity occurs?

Ginger: Don’t be ridiculous.

Elle: As if we hadn’t thought of that.

Ruby: I’m just checking the logical routes of thought, since you two decided to take the detour into crazy conclusions.

Ginger: If I didn’t know any better, I’d think you didn’t want us to crash at your place tonight.

Elle: Yeah, Ruby, don’t you want our company?

Ruby: I don’t know what you’re talking about. I always enjoy your company. And these conversations that make my brain hurt with the oft-times broken, if not shattered, logic? They just make my day. Or evening, as it were.

Ginger: Hey! Your couch is already made up as a bed!

Ruby: Is it?

Elle: And there’s a suitcase over there, by the window!

Ruby: You’re not… Look, my sister came into town and we’re spending the weekend together. Her husband comes back from Iraq soon and we’re just spending sisterly time together. So, if your ghost could just hold off haunting for a few days, I’ll gladly put you up for a night then.

Ginger: You promise to take us next time the ghost wakes me up from a sound sleep to stare at me?

Ruby: No, but I’ll definitely spend more time thinking about it.

Elle: Okay, Ginger. Let’s go find someone gullible without a sister.

Ginger: Yeah, got the suitcase?

Ruby: Wait, you didn’t honestly think I’d be gullible enough to believe a ghost woke you from a sound sleep and stared at you under the guise of a shadow in a darkened room, did you?

Ginger: Not really, but it sounded better than the truth.

Ruby: What’s the truth?

Elle: We locked ourselves out of the apartment.

Ginger: The landlady will be back tomorrow.

Ruby: How did you lock yourselves out with suitcases?

Elle: We both were out of town and got back just now.

Ginger: Well, not just now. I’ve been waiting for an hour before you came home and explained you were hoping I had my apartment keys.

Elle: True.

Ruby: Oh, for the love of–

Ginger: But you don’t know. Maybe our apartment IS haunted. I did wake up last night at 2 am.

Elle: And I did hear a string of unladylike words from her mouth.

Ginger: And I did see a shadow.

Elle: And someone was staring at her.

Ruby: Who?

Elle: Me. But only after I realized we both locked ourselves out of the apartment.

Ruby: Where are you going to go, now?

Ginger: Elle’s friend from high school. She’s pretty gullible…

Elle: But we have to do it right. Start off with the TV thing this time.

Ruby: Wait, wait, is any of the other paranormal activity real?

Ginger: Are you kidding me? You can’t make that stuff up!

Elle: Have fun with your sister!

Ginger: We’ll call you from Rikki’s!

Ruby: Kay…bye…

Beth: (coming out of bathroom) Did I hear voices?

Ruby: Don’t you start, too.

Beth: What?!

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