A Recommendation…or 12…

Ginger: I love it when Christian Kane emails me.

Ruby: He emailed you?

Ginger: Yes. He loves me. Can’t live without me. I’m sure of it.

Ruby: And, what exactly did his email say that indicates any of that?

Ginger: Well, it’s not so much the WORDS of the mass email newsletter that goes out to all his fans, but really the TONE in the mass email newsletter that I received…

Ruby: Riiiight. Ooh, how about this one?

Ginger: Seen it. How about this one?

Ruby: I saw that with Fly. What about this one?

Ginger: Seen it. Not that great.

Ruby: Really?

Ginger: Yeah. Ooh! How about THIS one?

Ruby: We’ve discussed this: if you were seriously considering watching it with one of your brothers due to the graphic nature of the film, I am not your optimal viewing partner.

Ginger: Fine.

Ruby: Ginger…look…

Ginger: What?

Ruby: Isn’t that…over there, isn’t he…?

Ginger: A guy looking to rent a movie? Very observant of you, Rubes. We’re in one of the last few Blockbusters. Things like that happen.

Ruby: Ginger…look at him.

Ginger: What is he…oh, no, no, no…he’s not really thinking of renting that…is he?

Ruby: Ginger, if he wants to rent…okay, no, just go. We have to stop him.

Ginger: Um, excuse us…but…you can’t rent that movie.

Man: Sorry?

Ruby: You can’t. Trust us. That movie will make you want two hours of your life not only back, but back with a written apology from the director.

Ginger: Seriously. If you’re in the mood for a Johnny Depp movie, may we recommend something with actual style? There’s Benny & Joon – a heartwarming and sweet movie involving paint, siblings and strange love. But not between the siblings – that’d be weird. Other stars include Aidan Quinn, Mary Stuart Masterson, Oliver Platt, Julianne Moore and a lovable character played by none other than William H. Macy himself.

Ruby: If you really wanted to see a period piece about the Restoration, there’s Restoration, starring Robert Downey, Jr and Meg Ryan and – Ginger, who’s the last guy?

Ginger: Sam Neill.

Man: What’s wrong with The Libertine?

Ginger: It dragged. Pointlessly and endlessly. And you don’t really learn anything. At all.

Man: Do you two work here?

Ruby: No, but we saw you and had to…

Ginger: Stop you from making a huge mistake. If you want a Johnny Depp film, though, I can also recommend Donnie Brasco – I think that’s more your style.

Man: My style? How do you know my style?

Ginger: Look, I think you’ll really enjoy this movie. Well done, amusing and I learned something from it.

Ruby: Are you suggesting Kinky Boots to him?

Ginger: Have you already seen it?

Man: Well, no, but–

Ginger: It’s settled, then.

Ruby: Ginger, you can’t just tell him what movie to rent. He has to decide on his own.

Man: Thank you.

Ginger: But why?

Ruby: This is America. He has rights.

Ginger: But he’s CANADIAN…do you have those rights in Canada?

Man: How did you know I’m—

Ginger: Flag on your jacket sleeve. Curses.

Man: Did she just say ‘curses’?

Ruby: She’s trying to cut back.

Man: Ah.

Ginger: Okay, so you don’t have to rent Kinky Boots. But you should. Oh, and you should really see Shaun of the Dead.

Man: I’ve seen that, thanks.

Ginger: Oh! Then you should so see…where is it…I’ll be right back… (scurries off)

Ruby: This will take her a while… Can I ask you something? Why are you trying to rent that?

Man: Odd question. But, I’m visiting a friend. I offered to go pick up a movie we could use to scare off her over-zealous friends who want to hang around tonight for no real reason.

Ruby: Oh…in that case, maybe The Libertine is exactly what you want…

Ginger: (coming back) Okay, there’s this – don’t look at the title, just trust me, Famke Janssen does an amazing job with Jon Favreau in this, but that’s not what I went off to get for you.

Ruby: What were you going to get?

Ginger: I couldn’t remember. I got distracted when I saw this one.

Man: Is she always like this?

Ruby: No. Sometimes, she talks faster. Ginger! Focus. He needs a bad movie to scare off people. That’s why he picked up The Libertine.

Ginger: Oh. Well, that’s not going to scare people away.

Man: Obviously.

Ginger: The Depp draw has unlimited power. For a Scare-Away-Folks film, you should probably pick up some obscure foreign film…hm…oh! I know the perfect film. Zhou Yu’s Train. Not only was it complicated and twisty and confusing, but it’s in Chinese, as well. And it’s not as deceptively alluring as 2046.

Ruby: See? We solved your movie problem despite our best efforts.

Man: Thanks… Seriously, why do you know so much about movies?

Ginger: I can’t remember math or science. Leaves a lot of brain space left over.

Ruby: I hang out with her. Some things rub off.

Man: Ah. Well, thanks again.

Ginger: Not a problem.

Ruby: Any time.

Ginger: We really need to come to Blockbuster more often.

Ruby: You don’t get this with NetFlix.

Ginger: So, wanna rent SLiTHER?

Ruby: Ginger…

Man: (from the checkout aisle) I can recommend that one!

Ginger: See?! Our new best friend from the Blockbuster recommends it!

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