Ginger: Hey there – it’s me.
Ruby: Oh, hey. You didn’t call to say you were coming over. Everything okay?
Ginger: Yeah, I’m just dropping this off and headin out. I’m meeting up with Elle at a restaurant she wants to try.
Ruby: Dropping off…oh! Did you like it?
Ginger: Yeah, it was cute. I liked the romance, the cute old deaf couple…it was nice.
Ruby: I really liked the character Angus…but I think that’s because I like the name Angus.
Ginger: He was so sweet – and his promise to love her even when she’s old and wrinkly? Broke my heart.
Ruby: Fly preferred the Hamish character, but I think that’s because he just likes the name Hamish.
Ginger: I don’t think Hamish Arunathanpongakularunakullukanuragonpathan rolls off the tongue. At least not for a first-born son…
Ruby: We’re…not even engaged…yet…
Ginger: Good. I don’t think you should name your first son Hamish. This gives you time to think of more names to try out.
Ruby: We are not naming our first son – or any of our sons – Hamish.
Ginger: Well, you can’t name him Angus.
Ruby: We weren’t planning on that, either.
Ginger: Good. So we’re agreed. What are you doing?
Ruby: I was trying to get some emails cleared up, but the “helpful” ads on the side keep distracting me.
Ginger: Does it ever bother you that keywords you type into an email are read by the host and – baby formula? You’re getting ads for baby formula?
Ruby: I was emailing your sister about what foods your nephew can eat. I’m going to see them next weekend.
Ginger: And baby Hamish is hungry, too, I suppose.
Ruby: Baby Hamish is not hungry.
Ginger: Well, it’s good that you keep him well-fed.
Ruby: You said we shouldn’t name the baby Hamish.
Ginger: I reconsidered.
Ruby: There’s no arguing with you on this, is there?
Ginger: Probably not. Why are your ads now going on about…buying Mexican condos in private fishing communities?
Ruby: Huh. I don’t…well, maybe I want to buy a condo in a peaceful fishing community in Mexico. You don’t know everything about plans Fly and I make.
Ginger: You would raise Hamish in a Mexican Fishing Community?! Have you no regard for his shellfish allergy?
Ginger: What kind of a mother are you?!
Ruby: A THEORETICAL ONE.
Ginger: I can’t believe you would do such a thing to baby Hamish.
Ruby: Maybe Fly and I are planning on retiring in that peaceful fishing community. In Mexico.
Ginger: I suppose it might be better for Hamish and Tahleequa if you just do move to Mexico when you retire.
Ginger: Hamish’s wife. You never really liked her, which was what drew Hamish to her. Especially since you regularly showed no regard for Hamish’s eating habits.
Ruby: …well, clearly, you should have raised Tahleequa better. She’s only trying to rebel against her mother’s attempts to pre-plan every little detail in her life. Did you really think she was going to be a star at age four?
Ginger: I was only trying to be a good mother.
Ruby: Well, now our kids don’t even talk to us! Are you happy now?
Ginger: No! How did this happen to us?
Ruby: You named our babies in a fit of hyperbolic fear-mongering.
Ginger: Oh. Right. Well, I’ll see you later. Elle’s going to be mad if I’m late. Wanna come along?
Ruby: Thanks, but Fly is supposed to call later and I like talking to him.
Ginger: Want me to drop by with a doggie bag later?
Ruby: If it’s on your way.
Ginger: Okay. Bye!
Ruby: Have fun.
Ginger: Take care, Hamish! Mind your mother!
Ruby: Oh, for the love of…