A Winterish Tale

Ginger: Hey, look, I can see my breath!

Ruby: Yes, and fascinating as that is, we’re still here to look at other things.

Elle: Ooh! Look at that one!

Ruby: Pretty. Tall. I think it’s too tall for your apartment.

Elle: Ginger, can we fit it into the apartment?

Ginger: Look! I made a snow angel!

Ruby: Yeah, that’s why you brought me.

Elle: I know. But I had that little spark of hope that…

Ruby: It’s okay. We’ll pummel her with snowballs soon.

Elle: Yay!

Ginger: Oooh! How about that one?

Ruby: Ginger, that’s the display tree.

Ginger: I know…

Elle: I think she likes it cause it’s already decorated.

Ginger: So?

Ruby: Okay, Ginger, one last time: we’re here to get a Christmas tree for your apartment. Once that is accomplished, we can all go make snow angels and build snow forts and snowmen and whatnot.

Elle: And then we can drink cocoa while we warm up.

Ruby: Cocoa? Can we, um, spike the cocoa?

Elle: I thought that was a given…how else does cocoa warm us up?

Ruby: Just making sure.

Ginger: Well, if you would dress appropriately, you wouldn’t need to be warmed up as much.

Ruby: What do you mean? I’m wearing a warm coat with faux-fur trimming, my earmuffs…I’m even wearing tights!

Ginger: Your tights have holes.

Ruby: They’re fishnets, Ginger. They still keep me warm.

Elle: It’s not like you’re dressed to visit the Himalayas, there, Ginger.

Ginger: Whaddya mean? I’ve got my poufy coat, scarf, mittens and I’m wearing tights withOUT holes in them.

Ruby: Fish. Nets.

Elle: Coat? That’s a vest and you’re wearing a long-sleeved shirt underneath it!

Ginger: It’s not a ‘shirt;’ it’s micro-fiber and it keeps me roasty-toasty. Besides, it matches my tights.

Elle: Could we, what’s the word…Focus?

Ruby: Elle, what do you call that…um…

Ginger: Trenchcoat?

Ruby: Thank you, trenchcoat, that you are wearing?

Elle: It’s just that. A trenchcoat. With llama wool lining.

Ruby: It’s lavender.

Elle: I like lavender.

Ginger: The llama wool lining is lavender, too.

Elle: Whatever, the point is that we’re all dressed according to our cold-weather needs. Now can we please get a Christmas tree for the apartment?

Ruby: Right; Christmas tree. Your apartment.

Ginger: Is that a llama wool hat, too?

Ruby: Ginger, we’re moving on.

Ginger: My back is wet.

Elle: That’s what happens when you make snow angels.

Ginger: Aw, man, now my butt’s wet, too!

Ruby: That’s what happens when you mock the fishnets.

Ginger: How?

Ruby: Karma.

Elle: What about this tree?

Ginger: Anyone else feel the need to start singing “Christmastime Is Here?”

E: What’s wrong with this tree?

Ruby: Nothing. All it needs is a little love.

Ginger: And Linus’s “magic” security blanket wrapped around the base.

Elle: All right, Grinch, you find a tree!

Ruby: What about that tree?

Ginger: Which one?

Elle: Be specific.

Ruby: That…green…one…

Ginger: I think I see it, does it have pine needles?

Elle: And is it right next to that other green one with pine needles?

Ruby: …I’ll show you.

Elle: That might work better.

Ruby: See? It doesn’t have pine needles. It has blue spruce needles.

Ginger: We should get the blue spruce. They’re lighter.

Elle: Come again?

Ruby: Watch it, Ginger, or I’ll find you a Joe, Jr. of your very own.

Ginger: Fine.

Elle: So, we’re agreed? Blue spruce?

Ginger: Blue Sp – wait, is that the price tag?

Ruby: Um, yeah…

Elle: Huh…

Ruby: I think they put the decimal point in the wrong place…

Ginger: It’s not going to last three months and they expect us to pay that?

Elle: You know, I think my parents have a fake tree in their basement somewhere.

Ginger: Let’s go that route. And if that fails, I think I have a pine broom we can decorate.

Ruby: Well, at least you’re inventive.

Elle: Creative.

Ruby: That, too.

Ginger: Is it time to go, yet?

Elle: Snow angel time!

Ruby: Come on, Ginger!

Ginger: My butt’s still wet…

Ruby: Hey, I’ve got an idea! Let’s have a snowball fight…right here!

Ginger: I claim the display tree as my territory! It shall be known as FortGrinch!

Ruby: I claim the Blue Spruce as mine! It’s now FortEbenezer Scrooge!

Elle: I claim the Love-Deprived Twig! You may call it FortSnoopy!

Ginger: Okay, on the count of three, we run to our bases and begin construction…aside from clobbering each other, the last one thrown out of the tree lot wins!

Elle: Um, what do we win?

Ruby: Winner doesn’t have to pay for cocoa for the rest of the day!

Elle & Ginger: Deal!

Elle: One…

Ruby: Two…

(Ginger runs off)

Elle: So, we’re agreed? Pact against FortGrinch?

Ruby: Oh, she should have seen that coming…

Ruby & Elle: Three!


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