iBrat

Ruby: Did you get a new phone?

Ginger: Oh. Yeah. Meet Emperor Phonepatine.

Ruby: …seriously?

Ginger: You know I’ve named every phone I’ve ever owned. It’s like my attempt to want to like it. To bond with my phone.

Ruby: Emperor Phonepatine?

Ginger: It’s part of the evil galactic iCorporation. It’s pretty much the face of it.

Ruby: You know, you might actually like it.

Ginger: Whatever.

Ruby: Do you like your tablet?

Ginger: You mean Darth Tablet?

Ruby: (sigh) Yes. Do you like…Darth Tablet?

Ginger: Yes. I admit that I love my Darth Tablet.

Ruby: And do you like your–

Ginger: Grand Moff iPod.

Ruby: Seriously?

Ginger: Yeah.

Ruby: According to the engraving here, Grand Moff iPod is powered by sarcastic unicorns.

Ginger: I was in a mood that day.

Ruby: When aren’t you in a mood?

Ginger: I would like to argue or something, but I’m not in the mood.

Ruby: Yeah. Do you like Grand Moff iPod?

Ginger: I can’t really live without him. He has saved my sanity on more than one occasion.

Ruby: Then maybe you should give Emperor Phonepatine a real shot.

Ginger: He doesn’t bend in half. I miss clamshells.

Ruby: I know. But maybe you’ll grow to like him.

Ginger: They didn’t have purple cases in the store.

Ruby: Is that why he looks a bit like an overpriced running shoe?

Ginger: Yes. That was my option in the store.

Ruby: You mean one of your options, right?

Ginger: If you think overpriced running shoe is one option and nothing is the other option, then yes.

Ruby: Wow. You know they have a kiosk in the mall that sells cases, right?

Ginger: Yeah. I have an appointment in my calendar to go there.

Ruby: Good.

Ginger: If I really do grow to like the Emperor, does that mean that I’ll become an iTrooper?

Ruby: Only in your world, Ginger.

Ginger: How can I support the Rebel Alliance if I’m already in so deep with the evil galactic iCorporation?

Ruby: Ordinarily, I wouldn’t say this to you, but you seem to need a pick-me-up right now…

Ginger: …okay…?

Ruby: Ahem. So, Ginger, remember the Mayan Zombie Apocalypse of 2012 when you started off on the side of the zombies, but then were able to realize the error of your ways and became a double agent and were instrumental in turning the tide?

Ginger: …you’re the bestest, Ruby.

Ruby: Thanks. I do what I can.

Ginger: Tell me more about the battles…did I remind you of a slightly older River Tam?

Ruby: You reminded me of a horror movie heroine who will spend the rest of her days in psychiatric care and avoiding cabins, woods, lakes and hockey games.

Ginger: Yeah. You’re still the bestest.

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