The Story Ran Off With The Point

Ginger: Okay, I brought champagne.

Fly: But, apparently you left your manners elsewhere.

Ruby: She walks in without knocking all the time. She has a set of keys. This is how she rolls.

Fly: You’re telling me this for a reason, aren’t you?

Ruby: When we’re married, you will not get to wander around naked much.

Ginger: I’m gonna start calling before I come over now.

Fly: Good plan.

Ruby: You brought two bottles of champagne…

Ginger: Yes.

Ruby: There’s three of us. And he doesn’t drink.

Ginger: I have news. You said you had news. This required more than one bottle, clearly.

Ruby: Of course.

Ginger: Your hand is sparkling. And not like a vampire hand in sunlight.

Fly: She’s catching on.

Ruby: The comment about “when we’re married” missed her entirely, though.

Ginger: Oh, holy mother of pearl – that’s an engagement ring!

Ruby: I knew she’d catch on eventually!

Ginger: That’s wonderful! Congratulations! Let’s pop the first cork!

Ruby: And only cork!

Fly: Why is she hugging me first?

Ginger: Ruby is opening the champagne. This is her new role as your betrothed.

Fly: Opening champagne bottles?

Ginger: Pretty much.

Ruby: Here’s your glass and here’s your sparkling grape juice and here’s my glass.

Ginger: Congratulations!

Ruby: Thank you!

Fly: Thank you!

Ginger: Tell me how he did it! Did you two go to dinner and he was late and you were starting to get really annoyed and all tapping your foot and then a waiter came over and said “I’m very sorry, Miss, but you’re going to have to give up your table for now until your friend arrives” and you were all “No, he’ll be here – he’s just running late” and then the waiter sighed dramatically and said “Look, I understand, why don’t we just reserve a second table for you and you can come with me – I’ll just seat you at one of the tables in the bar until he gets here?” and then you were all annoyed AND ashamed of having to be led away from your table, so you stood up to follow and the waiter led you to the back room where you could hear violins playing The Way You Look Tonight and the door opened and there was Fly in a tuxedo and the whole private party room dedicated to the one table with a white tablecloth and a single red rose in a vase and the ring was tied to the rose with a red velvet ribbon and the whole floor was strewn with red, pink, white and mauve rose petals and as soon as you got inside the room entirely, the waiter closed the door behind you with a knowing grin and Fly got down on one knee and explained that he loves you desperately, that you have been his best friend, his closest confidant, his guiding star and that nothing – absolutely nothing – would make him happier than if you would be his wife and then, as you started to tear up and try to say yes, yes, of course, he stood and took you in his arms and the two of you kissed your agreement and the violinist trio blushed behind their bows?

Ruby: …yes, it happened Just. Like. That.

Fly: Only—

Ruby: Don’t ruin this moment for her.

Ginger: That’s so wonderful.

Fly: I’m not kidding this time – I’m hiding your romance novel collection.

Ruby: Yes, dear.

Fly: So, Ginger, not to take away from this moment you’ve decided to re-write for us, but what was your big news that required champagne?

Ginger: I’m moving out on my own again.

Ruby: Did you and Elle fight?

Ginger: Well…

Fly: Wait, let me guess what happened. There you were, coming home from work on the train, reading that trashy romance novel that you borrowed from your sister and planned on leaving here at the first opportunity, when suddenly, you felt a disturbance in the Force…

Ginger: Go on.

Ruby: We didn’t interrupt you…

Ginger: Shh! Fly’s telling me what happened!!

Fly: You got off the train, trying to figure out what that disturbance was, only able to describe it as though someone had burned the land and boiled the sea and tried to take the sky from you. You walked from the train to your shared apartment, opened the front door, walked up the stairs and found Elle parading around in a long fur coat, smoking a cigarette and cackling madly as she told someone on the phone – named Jasper – that she needed him to follow through with his end of the deal and bring her the spotted coats of those stolen puppies or she’d have his head…

Ginger: It’s like you were there!

Ruby: Shh! Fly’s telling us what happened!!

Fly: At which point, Elle turned around and realized you had been standing there all along and she was forced to reveal her true face – that of Davy Jones!

Ginger: The Monkee?

Ruby: I think he meant the squid pirate guy from the Pirates of the Caribbean movie.

Ginger: Can’t it be both?

Fly: …yes. It was both. So, while singing Daydream Believer, and hypnotizing you with her strange squidy tentacles, Elle nearly convinced you to sign over your soul to the mast of The Flying Dutchman once ten years have passed. However, you suddenly awoke at the sound of the DeLorian re-entering this time and by the sudden blazing tire tracks in the air just outside your window and you picked up a bucket of water and threw it out the window, only some of it landed on Elle and she began melting away to a small puddle, which then released the Oompa Loompas from their slavery bond with her.

Ginger: And they went to live with Willy Wonka and make chocolate for me every day out of love for me!!!

Ruby: Did you seriously just make Elle into Cruella DeVil, Davy Jones and the Wicked Witch of the West?

Ginger: Oh, yeah, that’s not cool…

Fly: Well, what really happened?

Ginger: Elle got a dog.

Ruby: I…like Fly’s version better.

Fly: Me, too.

Ginger: Me, too. But we don’t have to tell Elle. Or the dog. Congratulations, again!

Ruby: Thank you!

Fly: Can we tell Elle we’re engaged?

Ginger: Yes. But you can’t tell the dog.

Ruby: I can live with that.


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