Plane Hungover, En Masse

(Elle opens the door, wearing shades, to see Ruby, also wearing her shades)

Elle: When did you get in?

Ruby: Later than planned. Is Ginger home yet?

Elle: She’s talking to the wall. Come on in.

Ruby: Talking to the wall?

Elle: I think she still thinks I’m there.

Ruby: Ah. You’re getting a dog?

Elle: Yes. I’m inheriting a dog.

Ruby: Are you okay with Ginger moving out?

Elle: Ginger does what she will. We’ll still hang out.

Ruby: Just not with the dog around.

Elle: I wish she would just admit she’s scared of dogs.

Ginger: (entering room) I told you there was someone at the door…wait, how did you get here first?

Ruby: Yeah, she still thought you were there.

Elle: Yeah, she’s a bit behind in the conversation.

Ruby: A bit?

Ginger: Ruby! Hi! How was your trip?

Ruby: Hiya, Ginge. Fly sends his best and wants to know how the wedding was.

(pause)

Elle: She’s doing better, actually.

Ruby: This is better?

Elle: Yeah. She answers questions in the same hour now. Yesterday it took somewhere between two and three hours to get a response.

Ruby: Yikes.

Ginger: Oh, good. The wedding was beautiful and the bride was just gorgeous. I think everyone should get married in Australia. That way, we can all get photos taken on the beach.

Ruby: Did you have fun?

Elle: You realize it’s going to take her a few minutes to register the fact you asked her a question, right?

Ruby: Yeah, but I can’t help it. This is kinda fun.

Elle: Want to add some fun to this? Hand her something.

Ruby: Like what?

Elle: Anything. Just put it in her hand.

Ruby: Okay. (puts a romance novel in Ginger’s hand)

Ginger: Heaps of fun. I got to lay around on the beach and soak up the sun and see a bunch of friends I hadn’t seen in years and I met Beau’s new girlfriend and she’s so sweet. I’m glad to be home, but.

Ruby: But what?

Elle: Oh, no, no. That’s something she picked up down there. Instead of ending a sentence with ‘though,’ they end sentences with ‘but’…ordinarily, I guess we put the ‘but’ at the beginning of a sentence. Like “But, it’s good to be home” becomes “It’s good to be home, but.” She doesn’t mean to, she just fell into the habit.

Ruby: Ah. I have a question for you. I know why she’s wearing shades and I know why I’m wearing shades, but why are you wearing shades?

Elle: Plane hangover, same as you.

Ruby: I’m not hungover…

Ginger: Oh, no, no. That’s something I picked up down there. Instead of ending a sentence with ‘though,’ they end sentences with ‘but’…ordinarily, we put the ‘but’ at the beginning of a sentence. Like “But, it’s good to be home” becomes “It’s good to be home, but.” I don’t mean to, I just fell into the habit. I also got used to saying ‘Ta’ again instead of ‘Thank you.’

Elle: Anyway, no, I wasn’t saying ‘plain hangover,’ I was saying – oh, wait, watch!

Ginger: Oh, thanks for the book! I’ve been looking for this…wait, how long have I been holding this?

Ruby: Hee! That is fun! Anyway, you were saying?

Ginger: I’ve read this book…on the plane…

Elle: Plane hangover. Ginger came back talking about it. It’s a better definition of how you feel after you get off a plane than jetlag. After a night of drinking, you simply want to what?

Ruby: Sleep, drink water, avoid direct sunlight, shower, avoid noise, take aspirin…

Elle: And after a long flight, you want to what?

Ruby: Shower, sleep, drink water…I see. Plane hangover. Nice.

Elle: Yeah. I’d like to take credit, but it’s not mine. Her friends in Australia came up with it. Hey, wait, you know why she wears shades?

Ruby: Well, not the exact reason, but she always wears shades.

Elle: Oh, okay. I was worried I was falling behind.

Ginger: Sleep, shower, drink water…oh, Ruby! Have you heard about how we’re not calling it jetlag anymore? It’s more like a hangover than lagging, so we’re calling it a plane hangover. It’s more appropriate, ya reckon?

Elle: Yeah, ‘reckon’ is also slipping into her vocabulary. She hates that part.

Ginger: I mean, don’t you agree?

Ruby: But Ginger, you are lagging.

Elle: I’m sure if we could see her eyes, they’d be dilated and spinning slowly.

Ruby: How many hours behind is she?

Elle: Only 15. She’ll catch up. She only got home yesterday.

Ruby: When did you get in?

Elle: The day before. But I’m still in the ‘avoiding direct sunlight’ part of my hangover. Also, it wigs her out when she catches on. She makes a comment, I take them off, saying I forgot to before and then put them back on. I’m using it as a gauge of sorts. The last time she noticed was three hours ago. The time before that was five hours. Before that, seven hours. I think she’s catching up, two hours at a time.

Ruby: Hey, whatever works.

Ginger: I’m not that bad. I was worse yesterday.

Ruby: Is she suddenly lucid?

Ginger: Are we going out? Is that why everyone’s wearing shades?

Elle: No, she’s not lucid. I think she was responding to the lagging comment.

Ruby: Ah. Ginger, honey, we’re not going out. The future’s just so bright.

Elle: You’re hilarious. According to my calculations, in about an hour, she’s going to have that song stuck in her head.

Ruby: I know. This is good craic.

Elle: She probably won’t even understand why it comes to her…you’re bordering on evil.

Ruby: I hang out with her too much, I guess. It’s starting to rub off.

Elle: Well, we could hang out here all day, or I could offer you something to eat. I brought back cheeses, cookies and chocolates from Holland and she brought back “lollies” and chocolates from Australia. Want something?

Ruby: What do we do with her?

Elle: I usually write a note and put it in her hand as I walk away.

Ruby: Sure, then. I’ll write the note and meet you in the kitchen.

Elle: Okay. (leaves)

Ruby: (to Ginger) This is the song that never ends. Yes, it goes on and on, my friends. Some people started singing it not knowing what it was. And we’ll continue singing it forever, just because! This is the song that never ends… (writes note and places it in Ginger’s hand) That’s to get you back for all the times you’ve done it to me. (leaves)

Ginger: What about the future? Oh, yeah, I’m sorry, I’m a little out of it. I think this plane hangover is messing with my head or something. I brought back some lollies and chocolate bars, if you want some. Oh, and Elle brought back some yummy cheese and this big giant cookie that goes with tea. Do you want some? You can tell me about the trip to Ireland with Fly and I’ll make some tea, okay?

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