And Ya Know What Else?

Ruby: Hi, Ginger, what’s new?

Ginger: I was sent home from work today.

Ruby: Are you sick?

Ginger: No, I successfully argued why women should have more days off than men.

Ruby: You’re not a fan of Equality in the Workplace, are you?

Ginger: My reasoning was well-worded and emailed to my manager. The subject was “Nature’s Adverse Effect On Social Skills During Fluctuating Moon Phases and That Tie Just Does Not Go With Your Socks, Dammitt.”

Ruby: So, why are you coming here?

Ginger: I got lonely.

Ruby: Why are you here?

Ginger: I hate people.

Ruby: I think I’m confused.

Ginger: I hate people more so than usual.

Ruby: That’s not why I’m confused. Why are you here with me if you hate people?

Ginger: Why is that confusing? You’re not people.

Ruby: I’m not?

Ginger: No, you’re Ruby. People have no names. People are those out there who annoy me and use poor grammar in professional settings.

Ruby: That’s the same set of ‘people,’ isn’t it?

Ginger: Yes, but that’s beside the point.

Ruby: So. What can I do for you?

Ginger: Argue with me.

Ruby: What?

Ginger: I’m feeling…feisty.

Ruby: Feisty?

Ginger: It’s a nicer word than my original one.

Ruby: Ah. Well. What would you like to argue?

Ginger: We can start with George Lucas and see where that takes us.

Ruby: Or you could go home and watch 300 like you normally would on these days.

Ginger: You’re not in the argumentative mindset, are you?

Ruby: Fly is on his way here. We were going to have a nice, quiet dinner together.

Ginger: Discussing wedding plans?

Ruby: That’s on my agenda.

Ginger: That’s boring. My idea has sparks flying back and forth and out the window and starting fires and spreading into a citywide panic that leaves the idiots I despise burning and writhing in allusionory deaths due to a lack of discriminatory knowledge between similes and metaphors, searing minds until there is nothing but clean, well-organized thoughts and intelligent discussions everywhere I go!

Ruby: But you hate people talking around you.

Ginger: …You have a point.

Ruby: But that’s a lovely speech. Who called your simile a metaphor, or vice versa?

Ginger: Mr. Ties-Don’t-Have-To-Match-Socks-Exactly.

Ruby: I see. How did you respond to his grammatical faux pas?

Ginger: I stapled a note detailing the differences between similes and metaphors to his jacket and then emailed him a well-worded dissertation with the subject line “Nature’s Adverse Effect On Social Skills During Fluctuating Moon Phases and That Tie Just Does Not Go With Your Socks, Dammitt.”

Ruby: And he sent you home?

Ginger: He said I was allowed to work from home. And he took away my stapler privileges.

Ruby: I would, too.

Ginger: But when you use the word ‘like’ or ‘as’, it becomes a simile!

Ruby: Yes, Ginger. I know.

Ginger: I hate people.

Ruby: Yes, Ginger. I know.

Ginger: Wanna watch SLiTHER with me?

Ruby: No, Ginger. I don’t.

Ginger: 300?

Ruby: Go home, Ginger.

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