Ginger: Hello, this is Ginger.
Ruby: I thought you were dead!
Ginger: Oh. No, I got over that.
Ruby: I haven’t heard from you since Monday. At all. I honestly thought zombies ate your brain or vampires attacked you in your home or aliens used a blaster ray that dissolved your molecules.
Ginger: You…hang out with me too much.
Ruby: Where were you?!
Ginger: Okay. First – zombies wouldn’t want my brain this week. It’s mush. They want tasty, active brains. Not mush.
Ruby: Where have you been? You always brag about when you’ll be on vacation and I won’t be. You didn’t brag. You were not on vacation.
Ginger: Second – vampires can’t attack me in my home unless I expressly invite them in. With words. I never invite anyone in with words. It’s for my own protection.
Ruby: Couldn’t you just tell me where you were?
Ginger: No. Third – aliens? Ruby, come on. That’s pathetic. No alien race has a molecule dissolver. They all work on the atomic and subatomic levels.
Ruby: Where. Were. You.
Ginger: I had to direct 300 people – who are definitely not Spartans – through a security gate – that could have been the Thermopylae Gates – to get to a seminar – that probably does last three days – after checking their names off a list. All week, I’ve been prepping for this event, I was doing my job on top of that, I was also backing up for a woman who was out with the flu this week, I was dispensing advice to a teenager about how there’s life after high school, I had to personally vanquish ten antagonistic alien life forms to pay off a debt Earth made in the Jurassic Age to the evil fish lords of the planet Zanoobiyah, I had to answer three hotlines, tomorrow is a convention I’ve been planning on attending for three months for the Nerd Trivia Contest – so I had to brush up on my Farscape, Firefly, Stargate and Dollhouse trivia so I don’t let the team down – and I had to do laundry.
Ruby: You’re only allowed to cover Farscape, Firefly, Stargate and Dollhouse? That must be killing you.
Ginger: It is, but I humbly acknowledge that others on my team know Star Wars, Star Trek, Dr. Who, Battlestar Galactica, Buffy, Angel, and all things Tolkien, Harry Potter and Twilight.
Ruby: So you were busy. I get that.
Ginger: Yeah. Busy.
Ruby: But no vampires, zombies, R.O.U.S.’s, or were-creatures of any sort were involved.
Ginger: Well…I lied about the evil fish lords of the planet Zanoobiyah.
Ruby: Really? Honestly and truly?
Ginger: They’re evil fish lords of the planet Zanboyackluh.
Ginger: Zanoobiyah’s not a real place, Ruby.
Ruby: Really? I’m shocked.
Ginger: I thought you knew that.
Ruby: You’d think.