The Universe Is A Bird With Ruffly Feathers

Ginger: The universe is against me, Ruby!

Ruby: Already? Just yesterday you were telling me how it was wrapped around your little finger.

Ginger: Well it must have overheard me and got ruffled feathers over the comment.

Ruby: The universe has feathers?

Ginger: Ruffled feathers.

Ruby: So, is the universe a big bird, then?

Ginger: Could we please focus on me?

Ruby: Sure. Cause. You know…we never do that.

Ginger: I’m sorry. Ruby, how are you? How is your day going?

Ruby: Meh. Can’t complain too much. I mean, the rain is making drivers absolutely stupid on the road, my workload seems to be increasing by the minute, I barely get to see Fly when he’s awake and when he IS awake, all we get to discuss is wedding plans – not how he’s doing or how I’m doing – before you call to interrupt with statements like “the universe is against me, Ruby.”

Ginger: Okay, okay. I get it. My life isn’t as bad as I make it out to be.

Ruby: Thank you for admitting that.

Ginger: For you, Rubes, anything.

Ruby: …now you want to get back to complaining, don’t you?

Ginger: If you don’t mind. I mean, I could probably wait for a sunny day…

Ruby: No, I’ve had a quick vent. Please, take the stage. The universe-bird’s feathers were ruffled and now it’s out to peck you to acquiescence. Please, spare no detail.

Ginger: Um. I don’t want to anymore.

Ruby: Why not?

Ginger: No…no reason. Really.

Ruby: You could always just file this under “Another Example of the Universe Being Out to Get Ginger Blaze.”

Ginger: Yes. But I won’t. Unless you want me to.

Ruby: Just tell me, Ginger. How is the universe out to get you today?

Ginger: I can’t audition to be an extra for a science fiction movie they’re filming near my parents’ house because the casting call specifically requested people with facial piercings and the only piercings I have are the two holes per ear.

Ruby: How does this mean the universe is out to get you?

Ginger: It means I will not get to be in a science fiction movie, so I won’t get discovered and somehow suddenly move up to a role with a speaking part and the movie won’t become a cult hit that allows me to live off appearance payments and so I won’t be able to quit the office lackey job yet and I won’t get to meet Nathan Fillion and bond over science fiction roles that follow us – lovingly, of course – for the rest of our lives and I won’t get to buy the vintage 1970 Dodge Challenger that I saw in the online auction!

Ruby: The universe isn’t out to get you.

Ginger: It isn’t?

Ruby: No. Online car auctions are. But not the universe.

Ginger: Oh. …um. Okay then.

Ruby: Glad I could help.

Ginger: You did. And as a thank you, I’m going to help you.

Ruby: Should I be scared?

Ginger: I’m going to cook dinner for you and Fly so that you two can have a nice romantic dinner without worries. And I’ll clean up, too.

Ruby: You’re going to cook?

Ginger: Yes.

Ruby: Can I just show you the take out menus instead and promise to invite you over to watch a movie with us instead?

Ginger: If you don’t want food poisoning, it’s the most recommended course of action.

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