Ginger Moves Like A Crazy Moose

Ruby: Okay, that’s the last box.

Ginger: It goes in the bedroom.

Ruby: You haven’t even looked at which box it is.

Ginger: Doesn’t matter. I’m putting all boxes in the bedroom.

Elle: I honestly think she’s trying to make a fort out of unpacked boxes.

Ruby: Ginger, where are you going to sleep tonight?

Ginger: I have a couch…

Elle: This box says “Things I Never Use.” I think it’s supposed to go in the kitchen.

Ginger: Yup – those are pots and pans.

Ruby: Makes perfect sense.

Elle: This is a really cute little place, Ginger.

Ginger: Yeah, and the best part is it comes with its own pet – look! Spider!

Ruby: Ginger! That thing is huge!

Ginger: Yes. Yes it is. That’s why we’re talking very calmly and not making any sudden movements.

Elle: You’ve already named it, haven’t you?

Ruby: Why would you name a spider?

Ginger: A spider that size deserves a name – don’t you, Gretchen?

Elle: Why ‘Gretchen’?

Ginger: Because I’m pretty sure that’s an egg sack over there in the corner.

Ruby: Gretchen is a mommy?

Ginger: Looks like it.

Elle: Do you want me to use one of those items you never use and try to kill Gretchen?

Ginger: I think she’d eat my shoe if I tried to step on her.

Ruby: Once she’s gone, what will you do about the egg sack?

Ginger: If I hold a lighter in front of the can of bug spray, I’m pretty sure I won’t have to worry about the orphans anymore.

Ruby: You’ll also probably burn down the entire building.

Elle: It might be worth it. I’ll get the frying pan.

Ruby: I’ll get the bug spray.

Ginger: I’ll distract Gretchen with some shadow puppets.

Elle: Was this really worth it?

Ginger: Moving out of our apartment with a dog into my own apartment with Gretchen?

Elle: Yes.

Ginger: …can I answer that once Gretchen is deceased?

Ruby: Is Gretchen laughing at us?

Ginger: Yes. But only because Franklin is blocking the path to the kitchen.

Elle: Who’s Franklin?

Ginger: That.

Ruby: I thought the males were supposed to be smaller!

Ginger: Maybe Franklin is here and Gretchen is blocking the kitchen!

Elle: Either way – what do we do now?!

Ruby: The only thing we can. I’m calling Fly.

Ginger: Ooh! Tell him to pick up some Chinese food on the way!

Elle: How can you think about food at a time like this?

Ginger: I’m not, but I will be hungry once Gretchen and Franklin are distracted by some sesame chicken and we can finally decapitate them.

Ruby: Why are we decapitating them? Why are we not squishing them?

Ginger: If we can save their heads, I can post them on spikes in the windows to warn all the other spiders in the neighborhood of what I do to intruders.

Elle: Of course.

Ruby: If the Chinese food is for Gretchen and Franklin, what are we eating?

Ginger: I ordered pizza a little while ago. If the pizza gets here before Fly with the Chinese food, we can use the pizza instead of the sesame chicken and then we can eat the sesame chicken when Fly gets here. It’s a perfect plan.

Elle: Yeah, I’m not going to miss her perfect plans.

Ruby: I’m never helping you move again, Ginger.

Ginger: I understand.

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