Nancy Doesn’t Work Here

Ginger: Did you know that Nancy is not that common of a name anymore?

Ruby: Um. Okay?

Ginger: I mean, in an office of 1,879 employees, there were only two Nancy’s.

Ruby: You got the wrong one on the first try so she transferred you to the right one?

Ginger: Nope. I got the wrong one both times.

Ruby: Oh. Dare I ask how?

Ginger: I received a letter that was time-sensitive. I came in and found it on my desk. No note from the person who left it, no explanation of how they selected my desk as the drop zone. Just the time-sensitive letter.

Ruby: That’s odd.

Ginger: Even more odd is that the letter was addressed to “Nancy.” No last name. The fax number was not my fax number – nor has it ever been mine – and there was no phone number. The address was Florida, but then again, the mailing address for these letters usually are Florida.

Ruby: Huh.

Ginger: Yeah. But, seeing as how I can’t just leave this time-sensitive letter on someone else’s desk in the hope that he or she knows who Nancy is, I did some digging and tried calling another of our offices, looking for Nancy.

Ruby: And that’s how you got two wrong Nancy’s?

Ginger: That’s how I got three wrong Nancy’s.

Ruby: Three? Okay, Ginger, I know you’re bad with math, but…

Ginger: One was within my own office. The other two were in a different branch. The third one just started last week and wasn’t in the company directory yet. The second Nancy directed me to the third.

Ruby: Ah. So…third time’s the charm?

Ginger: Fourteenth.

Ruby: Ginger – MATH IS YOUR FRIEND.

Ginger: Since when?

Ruby: …so, you got thirteen wrong Nancy’s?

Ginger: No. The man who sent the time-sensitive letter to the wrong fax number – Gus and I are on a first name basis now – tried calling the office about twelve times on his own before the letter magically landed on my desk. I contacted him and we went over possibilities of everything after my failings in finding Nancy and it turns out the letter didn’t belong getting sent to my company at all.

Ruby: You’re joking.

Ginger: Nope. It should have been sent to a competitor. I told him about eight times that the policy number wasn’t one of ours, but he had insisted that it was correct.

Ruby: And you didn’t hire someone to set fire to his desk?

Ginger: He’s lucky he shares his name with an adorable mouse in Cinderella. And I don’t think he noticed that I kept calling him Gus-Gus.

Ruby: How did you manage that?

Ginger: I’d say “Gus, Gus, I don’t think that’s right.” I’d say his name, breathe and start again. With his name.

Ruby: All to get in your own twisted little game.

Ginger: Ya gotta do whatcha gotta do.

Ruby: I guess it’s better than some of your other ideas…

Ginger: Hey, my cousin liked that haircut!

Ruby: I was talking about your plan to buy the airplane ticket, fly to Worchester, MA, rent a car, drive to the hotel, request a meeting with April-Jean in her office, kick her in the shin and then scream “An LCD PROJECTOR is NOT the same as an LED PROJECTOR, you idiot!” and then return home.

Ginger: Oh, that idea.

Ruby: Yeah.

Ginger: If my manager had just given me the day off, that plan would have worked.

Ruby: Telling your manager the plan was probably where it all went wrong.

Ginger: …so do you know anyone who really would set fire to a guy’s desk? Just…hypothetically…

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