Parsecs, Man, Parsecs!

Ruby: Why can’t I walk down this street?

Ginger: I dunno, let’s ask. Hey, bud, what’s all this?

Movie Guy: We’re filming here. You can’t walk on this part of the block.

Ginger: Filming? Oh, yeah…still?

Movie Guy: Yes. Still.

Ruby: Ginger, you know it takes more than two hours to film something that gets cut down to two hours.

Ginger: Yeah. But it feels like it’s been filming forever.

Ruby: Yes, I know. I get regular email updates from you. It’s like watching the movie in very slow motion.

Ginger: You love those emails. Oh, hey, is Alan Tudyk on the set?

Ruby: Oh no…

Movie Guy: Who?

Ruby: Oh no, squared…

Ginger: Alan. Tudyk.

Ruby: Tall guy. Reddish-blondish hair. Actor. In this movie.

Ginger: And in Serenity and Firefly and–

Ruby: Ginger. I’m talking to the non-Browncoat.

Movie Guy: Browncoat? What’s a – oh, wait. Ask Bill. I don’t have access to that info.

Ruby: Thank you.

Ginger: Hey, Bill, ‘scuse me, Bill?

Bill: Yes?

Ginger: Browncoat Bill?

Browncoat Bill: Uh, sure…?

Ruby: Just play along, it goes better for everyone when you do.

Ginger: Is Alan Tudyk around today?

Browncoat Bill: No, not today. Yesterday.

Ginger: He was here yesterday and I missed it?

Ruby: Breathe, Ginger…

Browncoat Bill: Yeah. Well, in Indiana.

Ginger: Indiana? How is that here? Parsecs, man!

Browncoat Bill: Parsecs? No, it was in Indiana…I don’t remember the name of the town, but…

Ruby: Oh no, cubed…

Ginger: A parsec is a measurement of length. You indicated he was here yesterday – which is a measurement of time. You just had a Han Solo moment.

Browncoat Bill: I don’t see…

Ruby: Bill, if you favor your life, nod and smile.

Ginger: In A New Hope, when asked if the Millennium Falcon is a fast ship, Han Solo claims the Falcon did the Kessel run in less than twelve parsecs. Time…distance…mistaking the two…?

Ruby: I don’t think he’s getting the connection, Ginger…best leave it be.

Ginger: Okay, so, Han Solo is often accused of mistaking parsecs for being a measurement of time, when it’s actually a measurement of distance…

Ruby: Or, just keep trying to explain it…that totally won’t delay us at all.

Ginger: There is a theory out there –

Ruby: It’s not out there, Ginger, it’s your theory.

Ginger: That suggests he would have known it was a measurement of distance, but we don’t have time to get into that. Basically, I asked you a question of measurement – here? – and you replied with a positive answer, then quantified it with additional measurement.

Ruby: I really was in the mood for coffee today…

Ginger: But you sounded so sure that we are in Indiana, and I can assure you, good sir, we are NOT. There are parsecs between us and Indiana.

Ruby: Do you even know what a parsec is, Ginger?

Ginger: Isn’t it like a foot or something?

Ruby: Or something. Something much, much bigger.

Browncoat Bill: He’ll be here next week…

Ginger: Here? Like, here-here?

Ruby: See, Ginger? It all works out in the–

Browncoat Bill: Well, in Indiana…

Ginger: Parsecs!

Browncoat Bill: No, Indiana…

Ruby: Were you not paying attention before?

Ginger: Okay, Bill, let’s focus – a parsec is a measurement of…

Ruby: Ginger, his eyes just glazed over. I think it’s best if we just leave before he starts blubbering.

Browncoat Bill: I’m a Browncoat…that doesn’t make me a Jedi, too!

Ruby: Oh no, to the fourth… Look, Bill, your best bet right now is to just run. Go. I’ll distract her with brand new comics and graphic novels, but you’ll need to be far away when her ADD comes back around on this conversation…

Ginger: THEY’RE BOTH BROWN, YOU ADDLEPATED FOOL OF A ooh, shiny!! I’ve been waiting for this one!!!

Ruby: Let’s keep walking this way, Ginger…do not look at the men now hiding behind the trailer…focus on the pretty, pretty drawings…

Ginger: Oooh…pretty… Can we get coffee?

Ruby: Yes. If we keep going this way…


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