The Sticker Says It All, Ruby.

Ruby: Good morning, this is Ruby.

Ginger: It’s 12:35.

Ruby: Oh. Whoops.

Ginger: Ugh. I’m so tired.

Ruby: Yeah…

Ginger: I stayed up so late last night.

Ruby: Mm-hmm…

Ginger: I mean, technically, it wasn’t that late, I guess, but it felt like it.

Ruby: Yeah…

Ginger: And so I went and got myself a third coffee today as part of my lunch.

Ruby: Mmm…

Ginger: So…then because I found a tiny village of blue aliens growing in my pen drawer, I declared myself ultimate ruler of the blue villagers who subsist on shards of graphite broken off of my pencils.

Ruby: Sounds nice…

Ginger: Ruby, are you listening to me?

Ruby: Sure.

Ginger: How many cups of coffee have I had today?

Ruby: More than you should have.

Ginger: Cheater. I know I’m talking a lot, but usually you pay more attention to me. At least, reply with satiric changes in my attention span.

Ruby: What?

Ginger: What is going on with you?

Ruby: I…what?

Ginger: Ruby, what is going on with you? Are you losing your ability to speak?

Ruby: What? No, I just…I didn’t sleep much last night.

Ginger: Oh, did you watch that movie, too? I didn’t finish it – I went to bed. It just kept going on and on…

Ruby: I was reading a novel last night and I…sort of…forgot to stop.

Ginger: You’re still reading it now?

Ruby: No, I’m at work.

Ginger: …then…it’s…really good and you’re just distracted by thinking about it?

Ruby: No, I…stopped reading the book when it ended.

Ginger: When it ended? What does that even mean? It’s a book…you can…oh, no. You did it again, didn’t you?

Ruby: What?

Ginger: You did. You stayed up until…what, 2 A.M. to read the book?

Ruby: 3:57.

Ginger: And was it worth it?

Ruby: Um…no. Not really.

Ginger: And you knew it wouldn’t be worth it, didn’t you? It was all so obvious in the first three chapters.

Ruby: …yes…

Ginger: And, yes, Ruby. Before you even ask, I am putting the book sticker on the calendar.

Ruby: No, you don’t –

Ginger: Yes. It’s too late. The sticker is on the calendar.

Ruby: No, Ginger…I knew I shouldn’t have told you…

Ginger: Ruby, this is your seventh book sticker on the calendar this year. I’m afraid we’re going to have to have an intervention.

Ruby: Ginger, you’re the only one who cares.

Ginger: No. Many people care. The fact that you don’t shows that you have an addiction.

Ruby: You’re crazy.

Ginger: You’re the one staying up too late to finish really awful books and then dragging yourself into work.

Ruby: …y’know how I know I’m really tired?

Ginger: You’re emailing me while we’re on the phone?

Ruby: What? No I’m…oh…

Ginger: Yeah. You are.

Ruby: …in my defense…there…was a reason…

Ginger: Yes. Your reason – and I’m reading directly from your email here – is that you’re on the phone with someone who is driving you bonkers.

Ruby: I promise I’ll go to bed early tonight if you don’t put the black star sticker on top of the book sticker.

Ginger: Too late. You emailed me while we are on the phone. That’s the third time this year.

Ruby: I’ll buy you your next coffee if you take off the black star sticker.

Ginger: No can do. Once the sticker is on, the sticker stays.

Ruby: Please, Ginger? I’m too tired to argue…

Ginger: Gee, if only this could be viewed as a learning experience.

Ruby: I’m going to find your collection of stickers one day.

Ginger: You keep making those promises, but only on days when you’re too tired to actually make the effort.

Ruby: …I’ll deliver an impressive threat at a later date.

Ginger: Yeah, okay. I’ll wait to hear it.


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