Apologies To Wil Wheaton For An Awful Photo I’m Not Including.

Ruby: Fly, can you find my phone?

Fly: What is that ringtone?

Ruby: Ginger’s.

Fly: If I find it and you answer it, will we still be able to go to dinner tonight?

Ruby: It’s only three. Wait, are you holding the phone?

Fly: Yes.

Ruby: Answer the phone!

Fly: Fine. (answers) Ruby’s Exceptional Answering Service.


Fly: …hold, please. It’s for you. You’re going to want to put her on speaker for this.

Ruby: Hello?


Ruby: Where are you?

Ginger: In line. At Wizard World. In Chicago. He just WALKED BY ME!

Fly: You have to have a photo or it doesn’t count.

Ginger: I…but…he walked past me. He’s not just standing here.

Fly: Sorry, them’s the rules.

Ruby: I don’t think he’s actually sorry.

Ginger: He’s wearing a blue Bazinga shirt and jeans.
Fly: Photo. Or. Nothing.

Ruby: How’s the rest of the convention?

Ginger: I met Inara and I saw the back of Eddie McClintock’s head and Aaron Ashmore’s profile and I bought a T-shirt.

Ruby: You know Inara is a fictional character, right?

Ginger: Whatever. OH! Hang on!

Ruby: What’s going on?

Fly: She said to hang on.

Ruby: That’s very helpful.

Fly: I’m your Exceptional Answering Service, not your Exceptional Ginger-Mind-Reader.

Ruby: Good point.

Ginger: Okay, I’m texting you the picture I took of Wil Wheaton as he walked by me AGAIN.

Fly: I’m waiting for proof.

Ginger: Just so we’re clear, this is why no one ever says “See that beautiful photograph? Ginger took that.”

Ruby: …this is the back of someone.

Ginger: He walked BY me. He didn’t stick around to pose for my camera, despite the guy in line behind me trying to get his attention.

Fly: Hmm…okay, Ginger. Half credit. That could be any random white dude in a blue t-shirt.

Ruby: It’s a very good picture of some guy who could be Wil Wheaton walking away from you.

Ginger: The guy in line behind me is laughing at my sad attempt to photograph Wil Wheaton.

Fly: Tell him to put up or shut up.

Ruby: Did he take a picture for you?

Ginger: No, he tried to help. He called out “Wil Wheaton!” I scrambled with the phone.

Fly: He gets half credit, too. He should have gotten Wheaton to come over.

Ruby: Yeah, because celebrities do whatever they’re yelled at to do by strange people standing in line.

Ginger: Actually, we’re sitting. We have a while to wait.

Fly: Still only half credit.

Ginger: Okay, well, two half credits equal one full credit. Hooray! I have full credit! I win!

Fly: No, Ginger. Half credit for you, half credit for the guy. Still a failing grade for you, I’m afraid.

Ruby: Math isn’t really the way to play this, Fly…

Ginger: Hang on…

Ruby: You realize you won’t win against her, right? You’d do better arguing with gravity.

Fly: Some day, she will find the world does not bend to her crazy.

Ruby: Or, today, you will find it does.

Ginger: Okay, I’m back. Guy in line behind me says he’ll trade me his half credit for a quick game of Bananagrams. I still win.

Ruby: Why do you have Bananagrams with you?

Ginger: Because I’m at a convention and I get bored in lines.

Fly: Look, Ginger, two F’s do not make a passing grade.

Ruby: They just make “ff.”

Ginger: FF is a third of FFORDE. I met Jasper Fforde twice – once for a whole weekend at a Fforde Ffiesta event. When I take that credit, apply it here, add in some Ginger’s Word Math…add that here…carry the conjunction, I get…what? That can’t be right…

Ruby: You’ve lost, Fly.

Fly: What?

Ginger: If I’m adding this correctly – and I am, since I am the Ginger of Ginger’s Word Math – this credit means that I am now…dating Wil Wheaton?!

Ruby: I tried to warn you. You’re arguing with GINGER. Logic does not apply in this zone. Well played, Ginger. Well. Played.

Fly: Rats. I thought today would be the day.

Ginger: You should have checked your calendar. Today is Saturday.

Fly: Well, if you’re dating him, I want a photograph at dinner. And no half credit on this one.

Ginger: Dude. Wil Wheaton is a HAPPILY MARRIED MAN. Our only-in-word-affair cannot have physical evidence like that anywhere out there.

Ruby: Are you still in line?

Ginger: Yeah. But I’m number 15 now.

Ruby: Dare I ask…what does the line lead to?

Fly: And if you say Wil Wheaton, we will be forced to destroy your phone.

Ginger: No, Wil’s line was too long. Sadly. In happier news, I’m about to meet Wash.

Fly: Wash?

Ruby: Again, Ginger, Wash is a fictional character. You’re going to meet the actor who playedWash.

Ginger: Ooh, gotta go. Wash’s line manager is allowing us to move. Bye!!

Ruby: Bye, Ginger…

Fly: Bye…

Ruby: And you were worried we’d never get to dinner.

Fly: Some day, she will lose to the logic.

Ruby: The only time she loses to logic is when her brothers are on the other side, matching her crazy for crazy. Leave it to them – they’ve had years to develop those skills.

Fly: This is true. I can’t help but try, though.

Ruby: We all suffer from that, Fly.


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