Ruby: Fly, can you find my phone?
Fly: What is that ringtone?
Fly: If I find it and you answer it, will we still be able to go to dinner tonight?
Ruby: It’s only three. Wait, are you holding the phone?
Ruby: Answer the phone!
Fly: Fine. (answers) Ruby’s Exceptional Answering Service.
Ginger: WIL WHEATON JUST WALKED BY ME!!
Fly: …hold, please. It’s for you. You’re going to want to put her on speaker for this.
Ginger: WIL WHEATON JUST WALKED BY ME!!
Ruby: Where are you?
Ginger: In line. At Wizard World. In Chicago. He just WALKED BY ME!
Fly: You have to have a photo or it doesn’t count.
Ginger: I…but…he walked past me. He’s not just standing here.
Fly: Sorry, them’s the rules.
Ruby: I don’t think he’s actually sorry.
Ginger: He’s wearing a blue Bazinga shirt and jeans.
Fly: Photo. Or. Nothing.
Ruby: How’s the rest of the convention?
Ginger: I met Inara and I saw the back of Eddie McClintock’s head and Aaron Ashmore’s profile and I bought a T-shirt.
Ruby: You know Inara is a fictional character, right?
Ginger: Whatever. OH! Hang on!
Ruby: What’s going on?
Fly: She said to hang on.
Ruby: That’s very helpful.
Fly: I’m your Exceptional Answering Service, not your Exceptional Ginger-Mind-Reader.
Ruby: Good point.
Ginger: Okay, I’m texting you the picture I took of Wil Wheaton as he walked by me AGAIN.
Fly: I’m waiting for proof.
Ginger: Just so we’re clear, this is why no one ever says “See that beautiful photograph? Ginger took that.”
Ruby: …this is the back of someone.
Ginger: He walked BY me. He didn’t stick around to pose for my camera, despite the guy in line behind me trying to get his attention.
Fly: Hmm…okay, Ginger. Half credit. That could be any random white dude in a blue t-shirt.
Ruby: It’s a very good picture of some guy who could be Wil Wheaton walking away from you.
Ginger: The guy in line behind me is laughing at my sad attempt to photograph Wil Wheaton.
Fly: Tell him to put up or shut up.
Ruby: Did he take a picture for you?
Ginger: No, he tried to help. He called out “Wil Wheaton!” I scrambled with the phone.
Fly: He gets half credit, too. He should have gotten Wheaton to come over.
Ruby: Yeah, because celebrities do whatever they’re yelled at to do by strange people standing in line.
Ginger: Actually, we’re sitting. We have a while to wait.
Fly: Still only half credit.
Ginger: Okay, well, two half credits equal one full credit. Hooray! I have full credit! I win!
Fly: No, Ginger. Half credit for you, half credit for the guy. Still a failing grade for you, I’m afraid.
Ruby: Math isn’t really the way to play this, Fly…
Ginger: Hang on…
Ruby: You realize you won’t win against her, right? You’d do better arguing with gravity.
Fly: Some day, she will find the world does not bend to her crazy.
Ruby: Or, today, you will find it does.
Ginger: Okay, I’m back. Guy in line behind me says he’ll trade me his half credit for a quick game of Bananagrams. I still win.
Ruby: Why do you have Bananagrams with you?
Ginger: Because I’m at a convention and I get bored in lines.
Fly: Look, Ginger, two F’s do not make a passing grade.
Ruby: They just make “ff.”
Ginger: FF is a third of FFORDE. I met Jasper Fforde twice – once for a whole weekend at a Fforde Ffiesta event. When I take that credit, apply it here, add in some Ginger’s Word Math…add that here…carry the conjunction, I get…what? That can’t be right…
Ruby: You’ve lost, Fly.
Ginger: If I’m adding this correctly – and I am, since I am the Ginger of Ginger’s Word Math – this credit means that I am now…dating Wil Wheaton?!
Ruby: I tried to warn you. You’re arguing with GINGER. Logic does not apply in this zone. Well played, Ginger. Well. Played.
Fly: Rats. I thought today would be the day.
Ginger: You should have checked your calendar. Today is Saturday.
Fly: Well, if you’re dating him, I want a photograph at dinner. And no half credit on this one.
Ginger: Dude. Wil Wheaton is a HAPPILY MARRIED MAN. Our only-in-word-affair cannot have physical evidence like that anywhere out there.
Ruby: Are you still in line?
Ginger: Yeah. But I’m number 15 now.
Ruby: Dare I ask…what does the line lead to?
Fly: And if you say Wil Wheaton, we will be forced to destroy your phone.
Ginger: No, Wil’s line was too long. Sadly. In happier news, I’m about to meet Wash.
Ruby: Again, Ginger, Wash is a fictional character. You’re going to meet the actor who playedWash.
Ginger: Ooh, gotta go. Wash’s line manager is allowing us to move. Bye!!
Ruby: Bye, Ginger…
Ruby: And you were worried we’d never get to dinner.
Fly: Some day, she will lose to the logic.
Ruby: The only time she loses to logic is when her brothers are on the other side, matching her crazy for crazy. Leave it to them – they’ve had years to develop those skills.
Fly: This is true. I can’t help but try, though.
Ruby: We all suffer from that, Fly.