Sadly: Reality Attacks

Ginger: Ruby? Are you here?

Ruby: In the kitchen…

Ginger: Ruby, I need you to sit down.

Ruby: Are you going to recite a practiced request again?

Ginger: No, this is important.

Ruby: Oh. Wow. Okay. What is it?

Ginger: I can’t marry Nathan Fillion.

Ruby: …has he asked you?

Ginger: No, I’ve never even met him.

Ruby: Is that why you can’t marry him?

Ginger: No, that has nothing to do with it.

Ruby: Right. What was I thinking?

Ginger: Sometimes, Ruby, I wonder about you. As if meeting him has anything to do with our ability to live happily ever after.

Ruby: All I can say is that I’m…astounded…by my own insistence on living in this reality. Please, continue. What makes you think you can’t marry an actor you’ve never met and will, in all likelihood, never meet in this lifetime?

Ginger: “Ginger Fillion” sounds like sitcom character. The weird, quirky one that wears loud shirts and says random things that have nothing to do with the situation at hand.

Ruby: So, you’d have to start wearing loud shirts?

Ginger: Yes and…wait, I should be offended, shouldn’t I?

Ruby: I don’t know what you mean…

Ginger: Are you saying that I am the weird, quirky one who says random things that have nothing to do with the situation at hand?

Ruby: Is it offensive if I say yes?

Ginger: I’ll have to get back to you on that.

Ruby: Do that. So, dare I ask what sparked this particular non-life-altering revelation?

Ginger: I had a weird day.

Ruby: And this is odd because…?

Ginger: Okay, I had a weirder day than usual.

Ruby: Ah. What happened?

Ginger: I yelled and people listened.

Ruby: Were you using your words?

Ginger: I’m serious: I said I was stressed, so they took some projects off my list; I said I wanted the workflow to shift and they said they’d do it. I told my boss he couldn’t foist work onto one group of people and he listened. I may even have to travel again for work.

Ruby: Wow. That is weird.

Ginger: I know.

Ruby: I say I’m stressed and they give me an award.

Ginger: I know, I–wait, what?

Ruby: You didn’t get an award?

Ginger: Um. Doesn’t a kind word qualify?

Ruby: Uh…sure. Look, it’s that commercial with that guy in that car on the TV!

Ginger: Ooh! I love that one! …no, wait. This is a different one.

Ruby: Sorry. My mistake.

Ginger: At least you admit it. What were we talking about?

Ruby: Nathan Fillion’s matrimonial prospects and how they don’t include you.

Ginger: Yeah. So, anyway, since people listened to me, I thought I needed to focus my energies on something that has no real impact on my life.

Ruby: So, aside from not being able to marry The Cap, what else did you decide?

Ginger: If I ever started a band, I’d call it “The Tuxedos.” And we’d always perform in tuxedos.

Ruby: I wish I had something appropriate with which to respond.

Ginger: Many people do, Ruby. Many people do.


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