I Don’t Know Why People Think I Lie So Much…

Beth: So, yesterday, I was watching TV, right?

Ruby: Turn to your left.

Beth: There was some movie about a giant killer squid. I sorta fell asleep watching it.

Ruby: Step down over there and walk towards the mirror there.

Beth: Then, when I woke up this morning, that movie was still playing!

Ruby: Now turn around and walk towards me…

Beth: I mean, how long is this movie?

Ruby: Does it feel like you’re tripping over it?

Beth: No, I think it’s fine.

Ginger: I know that movie.

Beth: Really?

Ruby: No. Ignore her.

Ginger: Yeah. The movie is really long – like, 34 hours long – so, most of the time, they like to break it up into “movie segments.”

Ruby: She is lying to you. She has no idea what movie you’re talking about.

Beth: Please, go on. Tell me more of this movie that lasts longer than a full day.

Ruby: Please don’t.

Ginger: If you catch it again, try to avoid the scene where the squid, ah, how shall I put it… “Gets It On With A Willing Partner.” It’s really not worth the fit the director had, just to keep it in there.

Beth: Good to know.

Ruby: It’s time to try on the next bridesmaid dress, dear sister of mine.

Ginger: Personally, I think the strongest scene is the one where the giant squid climbs the Empire State Building to save the little boy.

Beth: Well, I’ve only seen about an hour of the movie – is that before or after the squid loses the mayoral election of the unnamed California town by three votes?

Ginger: Way after.

Ruby: Dress. Shopping. Why did we bring Ginger, again?

Ginger: First, he develops a drinking problem – so obvious, in my opinion – because of the mayoral loss.

Ruby: It’s not even like we promised ice cream or coffee or coffee ice cream…

Beth: Wait, doesn’t the squid eventually start cooking meth to settle debts or something?

Ruby: And you’re helping her, when you should be trying on dresses.

Ginger: Well, yeah, but only because he’s being blackmailed by the creepy coyote pack leader.

Ruby: I give up. Ginger, make sure you tell my baby sister about how the creepy coyote pack leader also leads that weird cult.

Ginger: I’m so glad you joined in finally, Ruby!

Beth: Me, too! I can only try on dresses for so long before I’m fried.

Ginger: I heard tell of coffee ice cream…

Ruby: Of course you did.

Beth: So, seriously, I would totally watch that movie.

Ginger: Who wouldn’t watch that movie?!

Ruby: At 34 hours, doesn’t it now become a mini-series?

Ginger: Even better!

Beth: Why isn’t she in the wedding party?

Ruby: I would be unable to interrupt the debate regarding comic book superheroes long enough to say “I Do.”

Ginger: I still don’t understand why you’re marrying someone who doesn’t feel that strongly about Batman versus Superman. It’s just crazy-sauce.

Ruby: I love Fly.

Ginger: …fine. But you can only use that excuse a limited number of times before it loses its strength, y’know.

Beth: Yeah, I see it now. Ginger, tell me more of the 34 hour giant squid movie…

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