Ruby: There is no Ruby; there is only Zuul.
Ginger: That won’t work on me, Ruby.
Ruby: I thought I’d give it a try.
Ginger: A for effort, Rubes.
Ruby: No gold star?
Ginger: The gold star is not for just any occasion, dear Ruby. You can’t just hand those out willy-nilly.
Ruby: You can’t?
Ginger: No. You can’t. It’s like sainthood. There have to be three miracles, you have to be a very good person and you almost always have to be dead.
Ruby: Gold stars are awarded posthumously?
Ginger: Except in rare cases.
Ruby: Such as?
Ginger: Such as…um…oh! Your friend is coming over to visit, the weather is really crappy outside and you have brownies just coming out of the oven – and you had planned on that part – and when she tells you about the strange sounds she’s been hearing in her apartment, you don’t mock her. At first. At least, not until you’re sure she knows the place isn’t really haunted.
Ruby: Ginger, you’ve thought all of your apartments have been haunted.
Ginger: See, now, that wouldn’t qualify as mocking – if this were that rare non-posthumous Gold Star awarding situation. It would simply qualify as stating a fact.
Ruby: I haven’t made brownies in over a week.
Ginger: This is why you don’t get gold stars today.
Ruby: But I referenced “Ghostbusters!” That should get a gold star all the time.
Ginger: I refer you to my previous comment about gold stars and not handed out; see specifically “willy-nilly.”
Ruby: Fine. Sorry. Why do you think your apartment is haunted this time?
Ginger: Someone or something walks up and down the hallway.
Ruby: How do you know it’s not your neighbor or the guy upstairs?
Ruby: That’s not a reason, Ginger.
Ginger: Because I heard it inside my apartment and thought someone had come in through the back door. So I went into the hallway, but it was empty, but I could hear someone walking back to the back door – just out of eyesight. So I hurried and got to the kitchen and the door was shut, locked and the chain was across the door.
Ruby: How often has it happened?
Ginger: Just the once, so far.
Ruby: What were you doing when it happened?
Ruby: Reading what?
Ginger: A book of ghost stories – but that’s not the point!
Ruby: See, this is why you don’t get fresh brownies.
Ginger: But it’s haunted!
Ruby: It’s an old building. It has the right to be haunted if it so chooses.
Ginger: Yeah, cause that’ll help me sleep at night!
Ruby: Sorry. What do you want me to say?
Ginger: Tell me again how it’s my neighbors.
Ruby: Again – it’s your neighbors.
Ginger: That makes sense.
Ruby: It does? Really?
Ginger: Yes. After I saw the chain was across the door, I went to the window and peered out and saw my neighbor coming down the back steps with his garbage.
Ruby: How did you know it’s your neighbor?
Ginger: Oh, yeah – I met my neighbors next door. They’re nice.
Ruby: This is why you don’t get fresh-baked brownies.
Ginger: I know.