M is for Maps. Not Moron.

Ruby: What exit is ours again?

Ginger: The magical number is 3B.

Ruby: That’s not really a number…

Ginger: It is the exit, though.

Ruby: Okay, after we exit, which lane do I want to be in?

Ginger: The blue line suggests we’re going to veer off to the left, but there’s no actual turn indicated…

Ruby: So, exit 3B, veer off to the left.

Ginger: …for 256 feet. Then follow the road.

Ruby: Follow the road…where?

Ginger: It really doesn’t say… Where did you get these directions?

Ruby: Ginger, you’re holding my phone…it’s GPS.

Ginger: Okay, then I would like to amend my previous question.

Ruby: That’s allowed.

Ginger: Who allowed colonists to make their own roads without a grid? Or actual road names?

Ruby: If you don’t like driving into Massachusetts, next time, you can stay home.

Ginger: But if I wasn’t here, you wouldn’t be either. This trip was totally my idea.

Ruby: …no, it wasn’t.

Ginger: You said “I’m going to visit family in upstate New York.” I said “I should come with.” You said “You’ll have to pay for your own flight.” I said “While we’re there, we should do a ghost tour.” You said “That’s not going to happen.” I said “Well, we should do something anyway.” You said “You just decided you were coming with on this trip – you haven’t even bought a plane ticket yet!” I said “I just bought my plane ticket while you were washing dishes. Seriously, we should do something.” You said—

Ruby: I know you somehow memorize every conversation we’ve ever had, but please fast forward to the important part.

Ginger: Exit 3B is in half a mile.

Ruby: Gotcha.

Ginger: Anyway, we eventually agreed to drive to Stockbridge and it was mostly, almost entirely, my idea.

Ruby: By that, you mean you made me offer suggestions and this was something we were both happy to do, as opposed to your loony suggestion of a ghost tour. Which you always suggest.

Ginger: I don’t know why you’re so against them. You’ve never even done one!

Ruby: This is me ignoring you and veering left.

Ginger: Now you get to follow the road.

Ruby: What’s the next step?

Ginger: We’ll make a right on – did that store just say “The Floor Store?”

Ruby: We’re making a right where, Ginger? Do not get distracted by the idyllic small town we are currently driving through. Tell me where I’m supposed to turn!

Ginger: Up ahead. And then, there’s a left, but it doesn’t say the name of that road either. Seriously, what is wrong with naming roads?

Ruby: You’re sure this is the turn?

Ginger: I’m following you on the map on your phone. The little blue dot is on the little blue course outlined on the map. Look, see? Signs for the museum – left turn in a quarter mile.

Ruby: Okay. Don’t forget to buy your shotglass at the gift shop this time. I’m not doing this drive a second time today.

Ginger: I can only get the shotglass if it’s blue. Or hilarious.

Ruby: I’m just saying that when we leave, you’re going to make sure you made all the crazy purchases you want before we even get in the car.

Ginger: What if we get back to the highway and I realize I need to go potty?

Ruby: I’m…now going to ask you if you have to go before we leave the museum.

Ginger: What if we get back to the hotel before I realize I left my credit card on the counter of the gift shop at the museum because you told me to go potty before we leave?

Ruby: Don’t make me take away your right to ask hypothetical questions, Ginger. It would be the third time this month.

Ginger: I still don’t understand why you won’t just do a ghost tour with me.

Ruby: Can we park anywhere?

Ginger: Looks like it…just not there. That’s the handicapped.

Ruby: Thanks for that. Okay. Well, here we are.

Ginger: I’m gonna let you wake up Fly. I need to put my shoes back on.

Ruby: Why did you take off your shoes?

Ginger: …road trip habit?

Ruby: …I’m ignoring you now. Fly, honey, it’s time to wake up…

Fly: Are we here? Already?

Ruby: Yup. That’s the museum over there.

Ginger: And that’s a really weird looking statue over there. And a tree right in front of us.

Fly: Wow. Long drives seem shorter when Ginger’s in the car with us…

Ruby: Try that again?

Ginger: Fly, time to wake up! You were talking in your sleep! When Ruby thought she woke you…just…now…

Fly: …oh! Yawn! Mm. Hey, are we here already?

Ginger: Yup. We are here. You slept for almost the entire trip. I bet it felt really short. Because you slept.

Fly: It did feel short. Because I slept. And thank you for navigating so that I could sleep. And make the trip feel short. Because I was sleeping. And you were navigating.

Ruby: Nice try, both of you. Really smooth.

Ginger: Think she bought it?

Fly: Not even a little.

Ginger: Hey, look! A museum! We should go check it out!

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