Ginger: Ruby, are you home?
Ruby: Ginger, are you walking in my front door?
Ginger: It’s easier than scaling 19 floors and climbing in through the window.
Ruby: I’ll accept that.
Ginger: So. Are you home?
Ruby: How would we be having this conversation if I wasn’t home?
Ginger: Really incredible telepathic powers that you’ve been hiding from me all these years because you didn’t want to tell me about that time you were bitten by a radioactive psychic while holding a crystal ball in one hand and your cell phone in the other because you were embarrassed to be seen in a traveling circus psychic’s tent?
Ruby: I’m having a hard time accepting that.
Ginger: Was it the traveling circus part or the idea that you’d be embarrassed to tell me?
Ruby: I’m going to start with the “radioactive psychic” part and casually make my way through the rest of that later.
Ginger: You don’t know where psychics get their psychic powers. Maybe she was bitten by a radioactive crystal ball.
Ruby: I’m taking away your comic book collection.
Ginger: I’m just saddened that you would go to a radioactive psychic in a traveling circus and not take me.
Ruby: You are aware I did things before I met you, right?
Ginger: You wouldn’t have gone to a traveling circus without me, let alone pay good money to a radioactive psychic without me wheedling you into doing so.
Ruby: This is true. But, good news time: I didn’t do any of that.
Ginger: So you are home?
Ruby: Yes, Ginger, I am home and have been this whole time and I really am standing in front of you with the growing desire to smack you Gibbs-style.
Ginger: I’ll accept that.
Ruby: Why are you here?
Ginger: Do I need a reason?
Ruby: Why did you want to know if I’m home?
Ginger: Because you complain when I’m here and you’re not home.
Ruby: Because it’s creepy when you do that.
Ginger: It happened, like, once and you’re still on the “creepy” train?
Ruby: It happened, like, four times, Ginger.
Ginger: …oh yeah…I was hungry.
Ruby: Which time?
Ginger: Now. I was hungry and I thought “I’ll never make it home before I start gnawing on that guy’s wrist which is right in front of me so I should get off the train and go see if Ruby’s hungry, too.”
Ruby: Packed train?
Ginger: Dude’s wrist. Right in front of me. Mouth level. I could have picked his pocket and he wouldn’t have been able to notice.
Ruby: …okay, in addition to your comic book collection, I’m taking away your Leverage DVD’s.
Ginger: That wasn’t my inspiration. Matt was my inspiration.
Ginger: Oh, yeah, you know him as Matt Damon. I call him Matt.
Ruby: Ah. Because you’ve seen every one of his movies, you get to call him Matt?
Ginger: No. Because he and I have a bond that no one else has laid claim to, so I claimed it first.
Ruby: You know that’s not how…never mind. What’s the claim?
Ginger: He was born nine years and 364 days before me. Almost exactly 10 years. But not exactly 10 years. We have a very special bond. He probably doesn’t know in his head, but I’m sure he knows in his heart.
Ginger: It’s a bond that defies language. It’s impossible to put it into words. There’s not even a name for it yet. But I’ll bet that radioactive psychic you never saw would be able to name it. Probably something like Près-de-dix-ans.
Ruby: The radioactive psychic is French?
Ginger: Yeah. Gypsy psychics don’t need to be bitten by radioactive crystal balls, Ruby.
Ruby: I’m so not following you down that road any further than I already have. Anyway, as the first person to ever lay claim to such a thing, I’m sure you get to name it.
Ginger: It defies language, Ruby. DEFIES.
Ruby: Well, okay, what does this magic bond do for you?
Ginger: I like any movie he makes. And I support him – from a distance – in his marriage. Up close, it would be stalker-ish. And I have no desire to meet him, because I’m sure it would just weird him out, but I’m very certain we’ve shared dreams.
Ruby: Really? How can you be sure?
Ginger: Because he’s never appeared in my dreams. Every other celebrity has made at least a cameo in my dreams, but Matt? No. So he has to be watching the same set of dreams.
Ruby: Yeah. I think I came up with a name for your special bond.
Ginger: It defies language, Ruby. Did you not hear me the first two times?
Ruby: I’m still going to name it.
Ginger: What are you trying to call this?
Ginger: You’re just jealous because I have Matt. You won’t be jealous once I point out your celebrity nine-years-and-364-day-bond is.
Ruby: I’m actually a little scared that you thought this through for me, as well.
Ginger: Lucy Lawless. I may have Jason Bourne, but you have Xena.
Ruby: If I just play along, can we drop this?
Ginger: You have to play along and give me something to eat.
Ruby: There are snacks in the pantry to hold you over until dinnertime.
Ginger: Matt will be glad to know you take care of me. Or, he would be if we were linked while conscious.
Ruby: Lucy wonders where we went wrong with you.
Ginger: It was before you met me. I was beyond help by the time you came into the picture.
Ruby: I’ll accept that.