Do Polar Bears Vacation In Alaska?

Ruby: Hello?

Ginger: Hi. I need your help. Are you near a computer?

Ruby: Yes, but I’m doing research.

Ginger: Research on what?

Ruby: Alaskan cruises. Fly’s parents want to take one with Fly, his brother, me, his brother’s girlfriend, two aunts…basically twelve people. Do you think we can get a group rate for that?

Ginger: For twelve people? Probably. Wait…

Ruby: What?

Ginger: How long will you be gone?

Ruby: Um, it looks like two weeks. Why?

Ginger: TWO WEEKS?! No. No way!

Ruby: Yes, two weeks. I mean, it’ll eat up a huge chunk of my paid vacation days, but I think it’ll be worth it. I mean, it’s an Alaskan cruise.

Ginger: No. I meant “No way are you allowed to GO.” Who will I talk to while you’re off fighting polar bears and whaling and spelunking in icebergs? No. You’re not going.

Ruby: Um. Okay, first things first.

Ginger: Why must the first things ALWAYS go first?

Ruby: There are no polar bears in Alaska.

Ginger: There are bears in Alaska.

Ruby: True. But none of them are polar bears.

Ginger: Polar bears vacation, too Ruby. And it’s not like they can go to Tahiti when they need a little time away from the…whatever it is polar bears do regularly.

Ruby: There will be no polar bears in Alaska.

Ginger: You sound pretty sure for someone who doesn’t even know what number creates a group rate.

Ruby: Second, there will be absolutely no whaling on this cruise. And, honestly, I’m a little concerned you thought there would be.

Ginger: People go whaling all the time on cruises!

Ruby: People go whale-watching on cruises. Do you even know what whaling is?

Ginger: Isn’t that when you belly flop into the ocean or something?

Ruby: No. Not even close.

Ginger: Oh. What was I thinking of, then?

Ruby: I honestly hope I never find out.

Ginger: It’ll come to me.

Ruby: Third, I don’t think you can spelunk in an iceberg. It sounds…incredibly dangerous.

Ginger: So is leaving me alone for two weeks!

Ruby: Which brings us to the most important part of this conversation – I’m going on this trip.

Ginger: NO!

Ruby: Don’t shout on the phone, it’s right in my ear…

Ginger: You can’t go! Who will listen to me go on and on about my undying love for Nathan Fillion? Who will help me remember what I order at Starbucks? Who will convince me that my co-workers are not out to drive me insane? Who will listen to me babble about the latest episode of Supernatural?!

Ruby: You have brothers. Lots of them. And they’re all very patient.

Ginger: While that is completely true, I’m still not allowing you to go away for two whole weeks! That’s a fortnight, Ruby!

Ruby: Ginger, need I remind you of the multitude of times you flit off to Australia for upwards of ten days, telling me as you board the plane that you would love to listen to the rest of my story regarding the obnoxious meeting I had to sit through but that you must turn off your phone and you’ll be back in the next month?

Ginger: …so, will there be any exciting activities on this cruise you’re taking, or is it just a sign-up sheet for iceberg spelunking and pretending-to-see-whales once you get on board?

Ruby: There are multitudes of activities and I still don’t think that iceberg spelunking is an option. Ever.

Ginger: Ruby?

Ruby: Yes, Ginger?

Ginger: I miss you already.

Ruby: It’s nice to be missed. What did you need me to do again?

Ginger: Hmm?

Ruby: You called and asked if I was near a computer?

Ginger: I was going to ask you to look up whaling. We covered that. Oddly, it fit into the conversation on its own.

Ruby: Okay, I hate to ask, but…why did you need to know about whaling?

Ginger: Sometimes, ignorance truly is bliss, Ruby.

Ruby: More often than not, those times are brought on by you.

Ginger: It’s a talent.


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