Ak Ohum Oktay Weez Barsoom

Ruby: Ginger, please stop calling me – I’m in Alaska!

Ginger: I forgot to ask you to pick up a bear for me!

Ruby: You mean a toy bear, right?

Ginger: I think it’s funny that you have to clarify…hang on, Ruby – um, sir? Can I help you?

Mark: I’m looking for conference room 271-S3?

Ginger: Yeah, sorry, I didn’t like the names that the building management team gave our conference rooms, so I renamed them.

Mark: Um. Okay…?

Ginger: So…this must be your first time on this floor.

Mark: …yeah, so, where do I find the conference room that used to be 271-S3?

Ginger: It’s now known as the Mars Room.

Mark: Okay. Where is the Mars Room?

Ginger: Don’t you want to know why it’s called the Mars Room?

Ruby: Is it because no one knew what you meant when you tried to call it the Barsoom Room?

Ginger: Hang on, Rubes. Also, yes.

Mark: …sure. My meeting only starts in five minutes. Tell me why it’s now called the Mars Room.

Ginger: Because all the chairs are red.

Mark: Shouldn’t it be called the Red Room, then?

Ginger: No. That sounds like a room in a horror movie.

Mark: Good point. Where is the Mars Room?

Ginger: Let me check my astrological chart.

Mark: What?

Ginger: Did you take the stairs or the elevator?

Mark: Does that matter?

Ruby: You realize I’m still in Alaska, right? And on the phone with you, instead of vacationing with my fiancé and his family, right?

Ginger: Well, yes. If you had taken the elevator, you would have seen the red sign that pointed to the Mars Room. If you had taken the stairs, you would have seen the Mars Room almost immediately.

Mark: How would I have known?

Ginger: It has a picture of Marvin the Martian wearing a fake mustache on the door.

Mark: …I’m probably going to regret asking this…

Ginger: I hear that so often…

Mark: …but why is he wearing a fake mustache?

Ginger: Copyright infringement issues?

Ruby: You just drew the mustache for the fun of it, didn’t you?

Mark: Right.

Chloe: Mark, where have you been? We’ve been looking for you…

Mark: I was trying to get directions to conference room 271-S3.

Chloe: Yeah, we don’t call it that. It’s the Mars Room now.

Mark: So I’ve learned.

Other Guy: Excuse me, I’m looking for the Buttercup Room?

Ginger: Down that hall to your left. Look for the door that has a picture of Robin Wright in a blue dress. And a fake mustache.

Chloe: Ginger, please stop drawing mustaches on all the pictures.

Ginger: I have to stay busy somehow…

Chloe: Your friend comes back from her cruise soon…right?

Ginger: Unless a polar bear ate her…

Ruby: There are NO POLAR BEARS in ALASKA, Ginger!

Mark: I have to ask – the Buttercup Room?

Chloe: Ginger proposed renaming all the conference rooms on this floor and we all agreed. Most of us have spent way too much time directing people to conference rooms that were named some combination of letters and numbers that made no sense… But now, it’s so much easier.

Ginger: There’s the Mars Room, the Buttercup Room, the Monet Room, Camelot, Winterfell and the Zombie-Proof Room.

Mark: What color chairs would a Zombie-Proof Room have?

Chloe: It’s not all based on chair color…

Ginger: In order, it’s Red Chairs, Yellow Walls, a Monet print hangs on the wall, the table is round, the thermostat is permanently set to FREEZING and the room has no windows.

Chloe: A lot of people schedule conferences on our floor.

Mark: For the entertainment value alone, I’m sure.

Chloe: It would be less entertaining if someone would stop drawing mustaches on all the door signs.

Ginger: But the zombies look cute with mustaches…

Ruby: I’m hanging up.


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