She’s No Betty Crocker

Ruby: Hello, Ginger.

Ginger: Ruby?

Ruby: Who else would answer my phone?

Ginger: Not important. Moving on! When you bake bread, is it supposed to smoke?

Ruby: No. Get the fire extinguisher.

Ginger: It’s not on fire, Ruby. It’s just…picking up a bad habit.

Ruby: Turn down the oven.

Ginger: It’s not in the oven anymore. Sheesh, what kind of a person do you think I am? Accusing me of calling you before I get the fire extinguisher, before I even take it out of the oven. I mean…

Ruby: Ginger, why were you even trying to make bread?

Ginger: You left the cookbook out.

Ruby: You don’t own a cook…Ginger, where are you?

Ginger: Does it really matter? Oh, that’s where you keep that…

Ruby: Why are you in my kitchen, burning bread?!

Ginger: That’s not entirely true…

Ruby: Why are you in my kitchen, smoking bread?!

Ginger: Did you know that your apartment is within walking distance of my dentist’s office?

Ruby: Ginger…

Ginger: I went to the dentist, but my appointment was cancelled. I told everyone at work I was taking a half day…

Ruby: For a dentist appointment?

Ginger: I over-plan.

Ruby: I don’t even know where to start. Is my kitchen still on fire?

Ginger: It never was on fire, per se…

Ruby: Why do you go to my home when I am not there?

Ginger: Why do birds suddenly appear every time you are near?

Ruby: We’ve never gone over the concept of “Do Not Serenade Me,” have we?

Ginger: Briefly, a long time ago, but I thought it was only pertaining to songs by TLC.

Ruby: Why would you think it was only pertaining to songs by TLC?

Ginger: You got all annoyed when I sang Waterfalls to you for your birthday that one year.

Ruby: Not annoyed, Ginger, perplexed. Seriously, completely, totally perplexed – what is that sound?

Ginger: I’m not completely sure, but it might be your smoke detector.

Ruby: You said you took it out of the oven!

Ginger: I said I took the bread out of the oven! You never asked about the pineapple upside-down cake!

Ruby: GINGER!

Ginger: You probably shouldn’t yell when you’re in the office.

Ruby: Tell me you’re joking…please…tell me this is some elaborate prank…

Ginger: How would I have even come up with…oh, good news! It’s not on fire!

Ruby: I’m changing my locks.

Ginger: You didn’t have cherries, so I used grapes instead! You weren’t home yet and the recipe says to ‘serve warm’ so I left it in the oven a little longer than normal! I poured some brandy on top of it because I didn’t want it to dry out! This is not my fault – I mostly followed the recipe!

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