Heated

Ruby: It’s freezing outside!

Ginger: I know, isn’t it great?

Ruby: I mean, my nose is cold to the touch and – wait, what?

Ginger: It’s absolutely freezing outside! There’s ice on the sidewalk and it’s so cold it hurts to breathe in the instant you step outside! Isn’t it fantastic?

Ruby: Okay, who are you and what have you done with Ginger?

Ginger: It really makes a person grateful for heat.

Ruby: Which you would be if your apartment’s heater worked on a regular basis…

Ginger: Do you know what I wore to bed last night?

Ruby: Do I want to know?

Ginger: Flannel pajama pants and a T-shirt.

Ruby: …okay…

Ginger: Before last night, I was wearing a tank top, long-sleeved cotton shirt, t-shirt, a hooded sweatshirt, yoga pants, flannel pants and thick, fuzzy socks to bed under four blankets and surrounded by pillows like a little hypo-allergenic nest.

Ruby: Ohmygosh! They fixed your heat?

Ginger: If they haven’t, then Hell thought I was lonely and decided to move locations.

Ruby: Oh my gosh! They fixed your heat!

Ginger: I haven’t told you the best part!

Ruby: They cut you a check to reimburse you for the months you’ve been paying for heat you weren’t receiving?

Ginger: I–hadn’t thought of that…

Ruby: Never mind, what’s the best part?

Ginger: I was sweating! I can take one of the blankets off the bed!

Ruby: Only one?

Ginger: Just in case. I’m very leery about this. I keep thinking it’s a fluke and it’ll all go away and I’ll have been spoiled by this experience.

Ruby: Yeah, just like all everyone else in the Midwest with heat.

Ginger: Picky-picky.

Ruby: Now, if only they could have fixed this before you had that Serenity screening.

Ginger: It made you grateful for your heat in your place, didn’t it?

Ruby: Well, yeah…

Ginger: And it made everyone else grateful for the heat in their respective homes, didn’t it?

Ruby: I don’t know, did it?

Ginger: Just go with ‘yes,’ since you all referred to my place as “The Icebox.”

Ruby: Okay, then, yes.

Ginger: Then take it as a lesson in life to be grateful for all that you have and for how far we have come in advances in heating.

Ruby: Or you could take it as a lesson in “Yelling At Your Landlord Until The Heat Gets Fixed.”

Ginger: How was I supposed to know it wasn’t as warm as it could have been? It’s my first winter there…

Ruby: Here’s a clue: when you can see your breath indoors, the heat’s not on.

Ginger: Oh. You mean right after a shower, right?

Ruby: No.

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