Tauntaun Dreams

Ginger: I think I should start a tauntaun farm.

Ruby: A what?

Ginger: A tauntaun farm.

Ruby: What’s a tauntaun?

Ginger: You know that large, smelly kangaroo thing that Han Solo and Luke Skywalker ride in The Empire Strikes Back?

Ruby: Um…yes?

Ginger: It’s the thing that Han Solo slices open with Luke’s lightsaber and puts Luke inside so that Luke doesn’t die of hypothermia.

Ruby: Okay…

Ginger: And Han Solo says “I thought they smelled bad on the outside!” which results in a chuckle from the audience, no matter how many times they’ve seen the movie.

Ruby: Sure.

Ginger: So, I think I should start a tauntaun farm.

Ruby: Of course.

Ginger: My point is it’s been really cold outside lately.

Ruby: I got that.

Ginger: And my joke is a reference to the Arctic climate of the planet at the beginning of The Empire Strikes Back.

Ruby: I did pick up on that.

Ginger: You’re not participating in the humor.

Ruby: I figured this is really something your brother would be better suited to deal with.

Ginger: You mean, like, he’d point out that slaughterhouses are not legal within the city limits and since I’d only be raising tauntauns to slaughter so that I could stay warm, and then I’d admit maybe it’s not as great an idea as I originally thought?

Ruby: Yeah, that’s one of the things I hoped he’d use against you.

Ginger: And he might bring up the smell factor and how I’m not a big fan of smelly pets in the first place?

Ruby: Well, obviously. I mean, I thought that was pretty much a given, based on that Han Solo quote.

Ginger: But, it’s strange – neither you nor my brother pointed out that tauntauns aren’t indigenous to this planet.

Ruby: Probably because we assume you would insist you’d be able to hire a Firefly-class cargo ship to fly to…what planet are they indigenous to again?

Ginger: Hoth.

Ruby: Right. So, you’d fly to Hoth in your Firefly and smuggle them back here so you could raise them to be giant, stinky…hand warmers?

Ginger: I think I reference Firefly around you too much. You’re catching onto my schemes.

Ruby: I don’t think it qualifies as “schemes” when it’s all pretty much one giant fantasy.

Ginger: What are you talking about?

Ruby: You want to hire a Firefly-class cargo ship to fly you to Hoth. You want to hire a Firefly-class cargo ship to take you to the other end of the galaxy for vacation. You want to move into a Firefly-class cargo ship. You want a Firefly-class cargo ship. Firefly. Firefly. Firefly.

Ginger: Are you suggesting I could just operate a small tauntaun shipping company, using my Firefly-class cargo ship as a mobile base of operations?

Ruby: …that is what you got from what I said.

Ginger: I think it’s time to invest in Febreze.

Ruby: I…don’t even know how to respond to you anymore.

Ginger: What? They have a whole line of product called SERENITY! They knew this was coming, even if you didn’t!

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