This Wrote Itself

Ginger:  Hullo?

Ruby: Hi, sorry about that voicemail I left you, I didn’t realize the ambulance was going to park right next to my car and leave the siren going.

Ginger:  What voicemail?

Ruby: You didn’t get a voicemail from me?

Ginger:  When?

Ruby: Just a few minutes ago – I tried calling you about seeing the movie this weekend, and your phone went straight to voicemail. Just as the beep came, an ambulance turned onto the street and then parked right next to my car.

Ginger:  Oh.

Ruby: Yeah, so the whole voicemail was me starting to explain and then, like, a full minute of a siren screaming before I hung up.

Ginger:  I didn’t get a voicemail – my phone was acting weird. I couldn’t get a signal, but it said I had full bars. I turned it off and tried again.

Ruby: Oh. Well, good, then.

Ginger:  Yeah…it sounds like that voicemail would really be annoying.

Ruby: Oh, totally. Then I thought I would just drive back to my place before calling you back and explaining all this, but then I remembered it’s you and you would assume something bad happened to me that required an ambulance and so now I’m calling you via Bluetooth.

Ginger:  Why would you think that…oh, yeah. I would assume you died. Good call.

Ruby: Yeah. See?

Ginger:  Wait…unless this is you calling me from beyond the grave NOW! Did Fly kill you? Did he think you were a zombie and then he threw plants at you until you croaked?!

Ruby: Ginger, we just…………….yes. This is Ruby’s ghost. I was just hoping to avoid this conversation.

Ginger:  Dead Ruby – tell me who to exact your revenge upon so that your spirit might finally be at rest…or were you not at rest because you knew I’d need to be told you’re dead?

Ruby: Seriously?

Ginger:  Well, yeah! I’d feel guilty if I made you a ghost.

Ruby: Ah. Well, in that case, yes you need to feel guilty. It’s all your fault that my spirit is not at rest. But not because I knew you’d need to be told of my death by my ghost.

Ginger:  Why, then?

Ruby: I’m here to make sure you DO NOT make my death look like a suicide to protest the cancellation of “Firefly.”

Ginger:  That’s crazy, Ruby’s Ghost! Just….crazy…

Ruby: Ginger. Please.

Ginger:  I’ll take down the website.

Ruby: Thank you. Soon I will be at peace.

Ginger:  Oh, you meant now?

Ruby: Well, yeah. I want to be at peace, don’t I?

Ginger:  Um. Doesn’t the promise to take it down do the trick?

Ruby: Not so much.

Ginger:  …wanna hang out for a few weeks? I’m sure it won’t take very long to get national attention…you could go see some movies for free!

Ruby: Yes. Of all the things I could be doing as a ghost, seeing free movies is definitely at the top of my list. Sure. The living think in such limited terms…

Ginger:  Well. I suppose you could go haunt people who have upset you. Oh! Like the people in charge of cancelling “Firefly!” Go haunt them! They’re clearly bad people – really horrible beings. I think they eat babies. And…torture kittens…?

Ruby: I don’t care about that…wait. Do they talk at the theatre?

Ginger:  YES! They talk in the theatre ALL the TIME. Constantly. It’s like a never-ending stream of words from their lips. Usually about how they were responsible for cancelling “Firefly.”

Ruby: Consider their butts haunted.

Ginger:  Sweet!

Ruby: Ginger…?

Ginger:  Yes?

Ruby: You don’t really have a website ready to launch at the moment of my untimely death, do you?

Ginger:  Of course not. Web-designing is a very complicated art-science-thing, Ruby. I can’t just have one go up at a moment’s notice.

Ruby: Yeah, but you haven’t prepared one in advance, have you?

Ginger:  …would it help if I said that I don’t have one prepared in the case of YOUR untimely demise?

Ruby: We’re just gonna go with “yes” and change the subject.

Ginger:  Good choice.

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