Ruby: Ginger?! Ginger?!
Ruby: You’re here?
Ginger: Where else would I be?
Ruby: You’re…you… Why didn’t you answer your phone? I’ve been calling you!!
Ginger: Oh. I forgot.
Ruby: You forgot?!
Ginger: Well…yeah. I guess.
Ruby: How could you forget to call me back to say you’re not dead?!
Ginger: Um. I was…busy?
Ruby: Busy doing what?!
Ginger: Well, first I watched all the episodes of The Glades, but then…well, with how that ended and suddenly got cancelled, I was all angry and bitter again, so I thought I might be over the sting of the sudden cancellation of Alphas. So I watched all of that.
Ruby: You’ve been sitting here watching TV shows? This whole time?
Ginger: It turned out I was just as upset by the ending on a cliffhanger for Alphas as I was the first time. Which turned into anger and bitterness and frustration, so I thought I could use a good chuckle or two, so I watched all of Farscape, but then, of course, that ended rather unceremoniously as well, due to another sudden and ill-thought-out cancellation.
Ruby: I still can’t believe you own all of these on DVD.
Ginger: …why wouldn’t I? THEY WERE GOOD SHOWS.
Ruby: Okay, Ginger, calm down…
Ginger: So, then I thought I needed to have a break from sci-fi…
Ruby: Do I point out now that The Glades wasn’t sci-fi, or should I wait?
Ginger: …so I put on Wonderfalls, only to remember that it, too, was suddenly and mercilessly cancelled.
Ruby: Wonderfalls? The show about the girl who talked to Niagara Falls souvenirs? That’s not sci-fi, but The Glades – a drama about a Chicago cop who moved to Florida – is sci-fi in this conversation? Really?
Ginger: And I started to wonder if I own any show that wasn’t hurtful in its cancellation…so while I contemplated that, I watched what I had of Bunheads. Which, I remembered as soon as the bananas were distributed, was also cancelled. Suddenly and unfairly!
Ginger: But, then, I needed to calm down, so I watched Firefly – even though it was cancelled my heart shatters each time I hear Jubal Early’s last line.
Ruby: I can’t even express my lack of surprise at that statement.
Ginger: And you can’t watch Firefly without watching Serenity, so I did, and I started to feel better.
Ginger: Until I put it away on the shelf and saw John Carter, which had an ending that was a set up for a sequel. That hasn’t seen the light of day for some stupid reason.
Ruby: Oh, no…
Ginger: And then I watched it. And I still enjoyed it. And as I put that away, starting to get a little steamed again, my eye was caught by Rock-n-Rolla, which promises a sequel in the end credits – but have you seen a sequel to that? Because I haven’t!
Ruby: Ginger…you’re talking about hours and hours and hours and…HOURS of TV and movie watching here…when did you start this spiral?
Ginger: What day is it?
Ginger: Wow, I got a lot done in two days.
Ruby: It’s January 27th, Ginger.
Ginger: That would mean I’ve missed a whole week just watching movies and TV.
Ruby: Yeah. Which is why I thought you had died.
Ginger: That’s crazy. How would I have died, in your insane scenario? My TV ate me while I slept? A mysterious shooting in my new home on my wedding day? Zombies? A strange brain-wave-altering bomb going off underground nearby? Aliens? A strange pixelating gun that hits when I’m fishing on a remote lake? Starvation? A bank robbery gone horribly awry? Allergic reaction to sunlight? My ballet teacher strangles me when she finds out my heart was broken by a boy? Reavers? Therns? Cockney mafia bosses send an assassin?
Ruby: …I actually figured you went to take a bubble bath and decided your electronic goldfish needed a change of scenery and somehow managed to electrocute yourself in the bathtub.
Ginger: With my electronic goldfish? Who swims on batteries?
Ruby: You’re very talented when you’re not thinking about it.
Ginger: True. I guess you have a point. But why would you wait so long, if it’s been a full week?
Ruby: I debated wanting to be the one who found you. Fly said I had to, though, as your closest friend.
Ginger: Makes sense.
Ruby: …did you really just spoil all the endings of those shows and movies?
Ginger: They didn’t get renewed or sequels. People NEED to be angry.
Ruby: Right. How did you not realize you missed work all week?
Ginger: …that’s probably why my manager kept calling…hmm. I think I need to make a phonecall…