Fish Love Oreos

Ruby: Hey, Ginger, what’s up?

Ginger: What do you know about fish?

Ruby: Are we cooking it or keeping it as a pet?

Ginger: Pet.

Ruby: I know you have unsuccessfully had a multitude of fish and that the only fish that survived longer than a week was addicted to Oreo cookies and then it went crazy when you took away the Oreo cookie “snack time” and went on a killing rampage in the tank.

Ginger: You say “rampage” like he had a chainsaw or something…

Ruby: Why are you trying to keep a fish again?

Ginger: I’m just looking. There’s this really adorable fish and I think he and I might have bonded.

Ruby: Did you feed him Oreo cookies?

Ginger: The fish guy won’t let me feed anything in these tanks.

Ruby: Have you shared your previous fish-owning-stories with the “fish guy?”

Ginger: I think he heard your brief summary regarding my Dexter-like goldfish through the phone…he’s suggesting hamsters…

Ruby: I never said your fish was like Dexter. Dexter didn’t have an addiction to Oreo cookies.

Ginger: What do you know about hamsters?

Ruby: They will get out and then you will have a need for a pet snake.

Ginger: Will I name the snake Rayland after naming all the hamsters after the Crowder family?

Ruby: Yes. You will.

Ginger: The hamster girl is saying I look like a bird enthusiast…

Ruby: I’m so glad she watches Justified. Not everyone does, you know.

Ginger: I know. So, what do you know about birds?

Ruby: I know you had one that soon developed a taste for human blood.

Ginger: I probably shouldn’t have named that parakeet Dracula…

Ruby: Why did you, again?

Ginger: He had reddish eyes.

Ruby: Parakeets don’t have reddish eyes.

Ginger: They do when you shine a flashlight directly in their eyes at eleven o’clock at night.

Ruby: Why would you do that?

Ginger: I was a really stupid eight year old…the bird guy is pointing at the lizards. He won’t even let me near the squawkers…

Ruby: Probably because you’re calling them “Dracula” and “squawkers” and admitting you were a bad bird owner once.

Ginger: That could be a contributing factor. So…

Ruby: I know nothing about lizards.

Ginger: Nothing at all?

Ruby: Correction – I know that your brother once placed an anole near your face on your pillow and then woke you up just as the anole jumped at you.

Ginger: I’m not taking another step towards the lizards anymore.

Ruby: Why are you in a pet store?

Ginger: I’m waiting for Dawn. She’s getting kitty litter for her cat.

Ruby: Ah. Ginger?

Ginger: Yes?

Ruby: Do the world a favor… Do Not Get A Pet.

Ginger: …Ruby?

Ruby: Yes?

Ginger: What do you know about ferns?

Ruby: Cactus, Ginger. Get a cactus.

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