Happy Ruby-Day!

Ginger: Ta-da!

Ruby: What is that?

Ginger: It’s your birthday present!

Ruby: No, it’s not.

Ginger: I think it’s cuddly!

Ruby: No, it’s not.

Ginger: Here, hold it!

Ruby: Take it back.

Ginger: Just give it a good squeeze!

Ruby: Seriously – take it back. Back to wherever you got it in the first place.

Ginger: You can call it Lightbulb!

Ruby: You’ve already named it, haven’t you?

Ginger: It was either Lightbulb or Swingin’ Charlie. Lightbulb won.

Ruby: Ginger, I’m not keeping that.

Ginger: But it’s your present, Ruby. Your birthday present.

Ruby: Why? Why would you think I would want that?

Ginger: Why would you not want Lightbulb?

Ruby: Ginger, seriously, take Lightbulb back.

Ginger: I can’t.

Ruby: Yes. Yes, you can.

Ginger: No. The butcher said no refunds.

Ruby: The butcher?! Ginger!

Ginger: I know, he looked at me weird when I asked if I could have it as it was and that was when he said no refunds.

Ruby: Where did you even find a butcher that had live chickens?

Ginger: Does it matter? I think Lightbulb likes your couch…

Ruby: NO! Ginger – take it back. Or…give it to a petting zoo…or a farmer or something. Anywhere but here! Chickens do not belong in a condo 19 floors up!

Ginger: They did it on that TV show…

Ruby: I don’t live on a TV show, Ginger! Take the chicken away! Anywhere but here!

Ginger: Think about it, though – you could have fresh eggs every morning!

Ruby: And feathers everywhere for the other 23.5 hours of the day! No!

Ginger: You saved Lightbulb’s life by having a birthday, Ruby. And now you’re going to throw him away?

Ruby: Ginger – Lightbulb is a girl. As odd as it sounds, I’d have more of an issue if Lightbulb was a boy.

Ginger: Because you’d be outnumbered in your own home? I can dig that.

Ruby: No – because…just take the chicken back.

Ginger: Are we still having dinner tonight?

Ruby: Why?

Ginger: If I take Lightbulb back to the butcher…

Ruby: I don’t want to eat anything that was alive today, Ginger.

Ginger: I knew you’d learn to love little Lightbulb! We can train him to use a litter box!

Ruby: Ginger!

Ginger: …fine. On to Plan M. Hey, Ruby, can I take you and Lightbulb to the zoo for your birthday?

Ruby: Yes. Let’s go to the zoo. And maybe we can leave Lightbulb there. …wait, Plan M?

Ginger: You are very hard to shop for.

 

 

AUTHOR’S NOTE:

Plan M is actually a reference to “Leverage.” Ginger doesn’t name plans “Plan A, then Plan B, then Plan C…” She names plans after various things she’ll be able to remember later. Like this (welcome to the inner workings of Ginger’s head. Try not to step in anything. It stains.):

  • Plan Bee – the episode of NewsRadio where Lauren Graham played a character who was introduced, and then disappeared inexplicably three episodes later. Connection: Give Ruby a Chicken Named Lightbulb. Never discuss the chicken again.
  • Plan M – the first episode of Leverage, when Parker, Hardison and Eliot get into the elevator and Hardison is being a smart aleck about how this was Plan B and Nate (over the com) says it’s more like Plan G and Hardison asks if there’s a Plan M and Nate, frustrated, says ‘Yeah. Hardison dies is Plan M.’ Connection: Get Rid Of Lightbulb the Chicken. Okay to discuss chicken in later conversations.
  • Plan G – get in the elevator; time for the Burn Scam. (also Leverage reference…I mean…clearly). Connection: Take Chicken Back to Butcher. Cook chicken. Try not to burn it.
  • Plan 9 From Outer Space – the movie by Ed Wood that is hailed as the absolutely worst movie made ever so much so that it has become a cult classic in its own right. Also, Bela Lugosi’s final appearance in film. Connection: Forget Ruby’s Birthday Entirely. Consider chicken for dinner.
  • Plan 2319 – a child’s item has gotten into the monster’s world and requires a visit from the CDC. Connection: …none, really…Ginger just likes shouting “2319!” on occasion.
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