Sarcasm Is An Unsung Hero.

Ruby: Good morning, this is Ruby.

Ginger: Are you absolutely sure that my computer has not become self-aware and is now just getting me back for putting stickers on it?

Ruby: You have got to stop watching movies that induce paranoia.

Ginger: I would also like you to prove to me that not all tech people are idiots with scripts.

Ruby: That I can’t help you with. At all.

Ginger: My work email is down. I can’t receive or send emails. At all. I called the work help desk and the woman assured me that it’s a problem they’re aware of because it’s affected a lot of people in the company.

Ruby: Okay…

Ginger: Then she gave me a case number and told me it would be emailed to me and that once the problem has been fixed, I would receive an email telling me that, as well.

Ruby: …wait, what? Seriously?

Ginger: Seriously! Then, this guy called asking me for some help understanding the email he received from me “a little bit ago.”

Ruby: Did you tell him it wasn’t you?

Ginger: Apparently, in his neck of the woods, “a little bit ago” qualifies as anywhere from ten minutes to ten weeks ago.

Ruby: That’s quite a little bit…

Ginger: Because I’m still able to work in other programs, I started pulling up information based on the clues he gave me. It’s not even my department. I never sent him the email. I said as much and he replied with “Yeah, I wasn’t 100% sure it was you who sent me this email.”

Ruby: Then…why did…what?!

Ginger: I asked him who sent him the email and he said he wasn’t TECHNICALLY the one who got the email in the first place; it was one of his co-workers.

Ruby: So…how did you get involved? I mean…why call you?

Ginger: Are you sitting down?

Ruby: Yes.

Ginger: Apparently, I have a reputation of being Helpful.

Ruby: …you…Ginger, you can’t say that out loud. It makes cracks appear in reality.

Ginger: I know. I’ve tried to explain to people that I’m not really that Helpful, but people outside of my office tell other people outside of my office that if they have questions and can’t get any answers, to just call me and they’ll actually get a resolution in a timely manner. People call me for help all the time.

Ruby: And you’re nice to them?

Ginger: Well, it’s not their fault they were given weird corporate jargon-filled emails and faxes. Someone has to make up for Corporate America by being human, accessible and responsive with a sense of humor.

Ruby: …are you feeling okay?

Ginger: I see what you mean about the cracks in reality now…

Ruby: So, how did you resolve this guy’s problem?

Ginger: I had to give him someone else’s phone number. I told him that ordinarily, I would have told him to email me whatever he had and I’d track down whoever worked on it and make sure they connect, but with my email being on vacation without me…I couldn’t.

Ruby: Wow.

Ginger: Right?

Ruby: I’m still shaken by the idea of you being Helpful.

Ginger: Yeah, it took me a while, too.

Ruby: How long have you known?

Ginger: Since Christmas.

Ruby: And you’re just telling me now?

Ginger: I figured if I didn’t tell you, it didn’t make it real.

Ruby: Well, it’s real now. So real, it’s breaking reality around us.

Ginger: I think I can see creatures from other realities coming through…

Ruby: Flying purple buffalo?

Ginger: …those aren’t real in our reality? Lying is a sin, Ruby!

Ruby: Of course they’re…real…

Ginger: I should warn Lightbulb not to eat it if he doesn’t know what the species is…he’s not very bright, y’know.

Ruby: How will you warn the chicken in your apartment if you’re in the office?

Ginger: Good point…he’s not good at checking voicemail… This is why life would work out more if you would just chicken-sit while I’m at work.

Ruby: Yeah. Your life is hard.

Ginger: No. You’re just not Helpful like me.

Ruby: Hey, look…the cracks in reality are healing themselves… Sarcasm must work like reality-spackle.

Ginger: You’re only saying that so that I won’t ask you to go check on Lightbulb on your lunch break.

Ruby: That’s not the ONLY reason I’m saying it…


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