Would You Like To Play A Game?

Ruby: Hello, Ginger.

Ginger: Do you want to play a game?

Ruby: As long as it’s not Guess Who.

Ginger: You know I only play that with my sister.

Ruby: And you cheat.

Ginger: I do not! You lie!

Ruby: You look at her card before you give it to her – if you give it to her at all.

Ginger: That’s allowed.

Ruby: No. No, it really isn’t.

Ginger: I’ll check the rules later.

Ruby: You cheat all the time.

Ginger: That’s not…entirely…true.

Ruby: Remember that time we were playing Solarquest?

Ginger: You mean “Space Monopoly?”

Ruby: That’s not what the game is called, Ginger.

Ginger: Says you.

Ruby: And the game creators.

Ginger: Anyway, what’s your point?

Ruby: Tom got up to go to the bathroom and you started handing out his cards.

Ginger: As I recall, you took one of them, too.

Ruby: …the game was going on a bit long…

Ginger: So, then, it wasn’t cheating. It was just…hurrying along the inevitable. We all knew you would win eventually.

Ruby: That’s not the point! They were his cards that he had won in the course of the game!

Ginger: That game was going on so long

Ruby: And you cheated.

Ginger: And you didn’t stop me. All it takes for evil to succeed in this world is for good men to do nothing.

Ruby: I gave the cards back!

Ginger: Yeah, after, like, four more turns. When you were winning without his cards.

Ruby: Moving on. You cheat in other games, too.

Ginger: Name one!

Ruby: Chess. Pawns cannot move diagonally unless they are taking another pawn.

Ginger: Okay, first? That wasn’t me. That was my brother. Second? There was an invisible enemy that needed to be removed.

Ruby: Invisible enemies show up a lot in chess?

Ginger: Yes. Especially when you play as the sun is setting and you refuse to get up to turn on a light because you have some delusional idea that your opponent – who is a sweet and loving sister and a victim of malicious lies about her ability to follow illogical rules – will take your queen or rook or bishop or all three while your back is turned.

Ruby: …I always wondered why your sister agreed to play chess against you in the dark.

Ginger: Anyway, I don’t cheat in chess. I just let the inevitable happen.

Ruby: Such as your sister’s paranoia about your cheating overwhelm her desire to see what pieces you’re removing illegally from the board?

Ginger: There is a reason to maintain a reputation.

Ruby: You cheat at chess. You cheat at Guess Who. You cheat at Solarquest. I’m pretty sure you cheat at Battleship…

Ginger: Boats don’t stay in one place in real life, Ruby. They drift all the time. Almost imperceptibly, sometimes.

Ruby: …that confirms that. Is there any game in which you don’t cheat?

Ginger: Bananagrams.

Ruby: …true. I’ve never seen you cheat in Bananagrams.

Ginger: That’s because it’s the only game I don’t need to cheat.

Ruby: Is that the game you wanted to play?

Ginger: Well, it wasn’t, but since you brought it up…and you seem to be so negative on every other game in the world…

Ruby: What did you want to play?

Ginger: Clue.

Ruby: Were you planning on cheating?

Ginger: No.

Ruby: Were you open to the opportunity of cheating?

Ginger: …do you want me to bring it over tonight when I drop by unexpectedly for dinner or not?

Ruby: ………………………………………………………………………yes. But only if we team up against Fly. He’s really very good at that game…

Ginger: Deal. After each round, sip your water glass in your left hand. I’ll handle the rest.

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