Ginger: Good afternoon, this is Ginger.
Ruby: Wow, you sound helpful when you don’t know who’s calling you at work.
Ginger: I know, right? I almost feel like I’m lying to people.
Ruby: You should.
Ginger: Why are you calling from this number? I don’t recognize it.
Ruby: I…first? You don’t recognize any number.
Ginger: That’s not true. I recognize 24601, 867-5309, 3.14159265359 and my social – but I’m not saying that out loud on the phone. You never know who’s listening.
Ruby: Yeah, okay. And, second? I’m calling from a phone I found tucked into my winter jacket pocket. It had a note taped to it that said “Call Ginger When You Find This. Fr Rlz.”
Ginger: I ran out of room and wanted you to know beyond a shadow of a doubt that it was truly me who put that there.
Ruby: So, after I charged the battery, I called you.
Ginger: Hmm. Okay, thank you.
Ruby: That’s all you have to say after slipping a burn phone in my winter coat?
Ginger: I slipped it in there last year. I was preparing for a zombie apocalypse and wanted to make sure we were both ready. Also, I knew your phone would break before the year was out and I wanted to make sure you could contact me.
Ruby: My phone didn’t break.
Ginger: It didn’t?
Ruby: No. I put on my winter coat and put my hands in my pockets – like a fool – in search of gloves or mittens. It’s a bit chilly outside.
Ginger: I noticed that.
Ruby: However, instead of mittens or gloves or those hybrid mittens that open up to fingerless gloves, I found a phone with a note taped to it.
Ginger: Well, now I know how to get your attention.
Ruby: Because you were missing out on that before?
Ginger: Sometimes, I think you ignore my texts, Ruby. And that saddens me.
Ruby: Your last text demanded I explain myself to you and included a picture of a blueberry muffin with a carrot sticking out of the top.
Ginger: You still didn’t respond to that text.
Ruby: How am I supposed to respond to that? It was a blueberry muffin with a carrot sticking out of the top.
Ginger: When you don’t respond to my repeated inquiries regarding breakfast plans, I act out.
Ruby: There were no “repeated inquiries” that led to a surrealist assault on breakfast pastries!
Ginger: There weren’t?
Ruby: There were not.
Ginger: …hmm. I must have dreamed that, then.
Ruby: You fell asleep on the train this morning?
Ginger: Apparently. Or I texted my brother again. Which…makes sense…now…
Ruby: Did he send you a picture of a muffin with a carrot sticking out of the top?
Ginger: No. His text was less a picture and more of a demand for me to stop texting him at 4 in the morning.
Ruby: Time zones are a killer, aren’t they?
Ginger: You have no idea.
Ruby: So, to be clear, you were preparing for a zombie apocalypse by giving me a burn phone in my winter coat?
Ruby: …what if the zombie apocalypse takes place during the summer and I leave my winter coat behind in my haste to put my own zombie plan into action?
Ginger: It wasn’t a perfect plan, in retrospect…but as long as I have you on the phone…
Ginger: Do you want a blueberry muffin? It still has that carrot sticking out of the top…that makes it healthy.
Ruby: I’m hanging up.