Zombie Plans Are Multifunctional

Ginger: Good afternoon, this is Ginger.

Ruby: Wow, you sound helpful when you don’t know who’s calling you at work.

Ginger: I know, right? I almost feel like I’m lying to people.

Ruby: You should.

Ginger: Why are you calling from this number? I don’t recognize it.

Ruby: I…first? You don’t recognize any number.

Ginger: That’s not true. I recognize 24601, 867-5309, 3.14159265359 and my social – but I’m not saying that out loud on the phone. You never know who’s listening.

Ruby: Yeah, okay. And, second? I’m calling from a phone I found tucked into my winter jacket pocket. It had a note taped to it that said “Call Ginger When You Find This. Fr Rlz.”

Ginger: I ran out of room and wanted you to know beyond a shadow of a doubt that it was truly me who put that there.

Ruby: So, after I charged the battery, I called you.

Ginger: Hmm. Okay, thank you.

Ruby: That’s all you have to say after slipping a burn phone in my winter coat?

Ginger: I slipped it in there last year. I was preparing for a zombie apocalypse and wanted to make sure we were both ready. Also, I knew your phone would break before the year was out and I wanted to make sure you could contact me.

Ruby: My phone didn’t break.

Ginger: It didn’t?

Ruby: No. I put on my winter coat and put my hands in my pockets – like a fool – in search of gloves or mittens. It’s a bit chilly outside.

Ginger: I noticed that.

Ruby: However, instead of mittens or gloves or those hybrid mittens that open up to fingerless gloves, I found a phone with a note taped to it.

Ginger: Well, now I know how to get your attention.

Ruby: Because you were missing out on that before?

Ginger: Sometimes, I think you ignore my texts, Ruby. And that saddens me.

Ruby: Your last text demanded I explain myself to you and included a picture of a blueberry muffin with a carrot sticking out of the top.

Ginger: You still didn’t respond to that text.

Ruby: How am I supposed to respond to that? It was a blueberry muffin with a carrot sticking out of the top.

Ginger: When you don’t respond to my repeated inquiries regarding breakfast plans, I act out.

Ruby: There were no “repeated inquiries” that led to a surrealist assault on breakfast pastries!

Ginger: There weren’t?

Ruby: There were not.

Ginger: …hmm. I must have dreamed that, then.

Ruby: You fell asleep on the train this morning?

Ginger: Apparently. Or I texted my brother again. Which…makes sense…now…

Ruby: Did he send you a picture of a muffin with a carrot sticking out of the top?

Ginger: No. His text was less a picture and more of a demand for me to stop texting him at 4 in the morning.

Ruby: Time zones are a killer, aren’t they?

Ginger: You have no idea.

Ruby: So, to be clear, you were preparing for a zombie apocalypse by giving me a burn phone in my winter coat?

Ginger: Yes.

Ruby: …what if the zombie apocalypse takes place during the summer and I leave my winter coat behind in my haste to put my own zombie plan into action?

Ginger: It wasn’t a perfect plan, in retrospect…but as long as I have you on the phone…

Ruby: Yes?

Ginger: Do you want a blueberry muffin? It still has that carrot sticking out of the top…that makes it healthy.

Ruby: I’m hanging up.

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