Ginger: This feels so weird…
Ruby: What does – wait, do I want to know?
Ginger: I think I caught something…
Ruby: Something like a cold or more like a baseball?
Ginger: I think I caught the Christmas spirit.
Ruby: You should practice “catch-and-release.” Otherwise no one else will ever have the Christmas Spirit.
Ginger: You should stop drinking before noon.
Ruby: It’s after noon, Ginger. And I’m not drinking.
Ginger: I appreciate the order in which you responded. It makes me feel like you might have started drinking.
Ruby: After the day I’ve had, I’m considering it.
Ginger: Oh, more phone problems?
Ruby: I was required to attend three meetings today that turned out – I wasn’t actually needed for any of them. My actual work piled up while I was sitting in those meetings. I have a Christmas song stuck in my head, thanks to your incessant humming. My wrist feels like it’s broken. I’m supposed to be taking several online classes but that system is down this week. I’m just…
Ginger: I’ve had those days.
Ruby: What do you do?
Ginger: I tell you about them.
Ruby: What do I usually say?
Ginger: Usually, things like “No, Ginger, you can’t sell your coworkers’ computers on eBay just because they’re too dumb to figure out how to insert a new slide in a PowerPoint presentation” or something equally frustratingly sensible.
Ruby: Oh. I’m sorry.
Ginger: That’s okay. It’s usually what I’m looking for.
Ginger: Are you looking for frustratingly sensible words of advice?
Ruby: No…not really.
Ginger: Are you looking for a sparring partner in a Wii Boxing Match?
Ruby: Not…from you…
Ginger: I’d go easy on you.
Ruby: No, you wouldn’t.
Ginger: I’d pretend to go easy on you.
Ruby: I believe that.
Ginger: What can I do for you?
Ruby: Help me think of good things.
Ginger: It’s snowing outside and you don’t have to go outside at all.
Ginger: Your two year old did not vomit on you yet.
Ruby: I don’t have a two year old…
Ginger: Hence the “yet.”
Ginger: Do you want my help or not?
Ginger: Your five year old has not asked you for a discontinued toy yet.
Ruby: I don’t have children, Ginger…
Ginger: Hence. The. “Yet.”
Ruby: The rest of your list is all child-related, isn’t it?
Ginger: People talk to me about their children a lot right now.
Ruby: Probably because you’re dressed like Santa’s Elf.
Ginger: I told you I caught the Christmas spirit!
Ruby: Yeah…why did you volunteer to be Santa’s Elf at the Church?
Ginger: The group that runs it found out I have my own set of elf ears.
Ruby: You should stop sharing pictures from when you dress up for conventions.
Ginger: Your attitude is off-putting. You should be nice. Santa Claus is watching you.
Ruby: Does he ever watch you?
Ginger: He might, but your attitude is the focus of his watching right now. In fact, little Timmy is somewhere putting a frog in his sister’s hair, but he’ll get away with it all because of you – Ruby – and your attitude.
Ruby: Go, Timmy.
Ginger: Yeah…I mean, Ruby!
Ruby: What? You were thinking it…
Ginger: You’re really in a bad place. I’m going to have to take drastic measures.
Ruby: Like what?
Ginger: Like this… Look, Ruby! It’s a brand new romance novel!
Ruby: Ooooh! It’s a happy place…
Ginger: Peace on earth and good will towards – Oh, hey, I didn’t say you could read it!!!
Ruby: Too late!!!