It’s A Small World (That Aliens Control) After All…

Ruby: Ginger, come out of there…Ginger? I’ll give you chocolate…

Ginger: No!

Fly: What are you doing?

Ruby: Ginger crawled under the bed and is refusing to come out.

Fly: You offered her chocolate and she still won’t come out? It must be serious.

Ruby: It’s not that serious.

Ginger: It’s very serious! You’d be hiding, too, if you had any sense!

Ruby: She thinks she’s part of a giant alien experiment that has started shorting out.

Fly: And she’s safest under our bed?

Ruby: Apparently.

Ginger: There’s too many boxes, suitcases and dustbunnies under my bed at home. Sorry. I probably should have explained that part first.

Ruby: Why don’t you come out and explain the whole situation to us?

Ginger: That’s just what the aliens in charge of the experiment would say!

Fly: Actually, the aliens in charge of the experiment would probably just write down your response to the shorts in the system. If they were just observing your reactions, that is. Wait, what kind of an experiment are we talking about? Be specific. This is for science.

Ginger: That’s NOT Funny!

Ruby: It’s actually pretty funny.

Fly: Thank you.

Ginger: My brain is hooked up to some giant machine – like in The Matrix or Inception or something – and now the aliens in charge of the experiment are trying to control all the shorts in the system by making them seem like they’re just weird coincidences and YOU TWO are mocking me by paraphrasing The Princess Bride! It’s NOT Funny!

Ruby: It’s pretty funny.

Fly: What weird coincidences, Ginger?

Ruby: She has a notebook filled with weird coincidences in her life, and now you want her to tell you about them? This could take a while.

Fly: You write down coincidences in your life?!

Ginger: Doesn’t everyone?!

Ruby & Fly: NO.

Ginger: And you people call ME weird…

Ruby: Ginger, start with the repeated names in your life.

Fly: You know about all this?

Ruby: Pieces. And she’s been mumbling for a while now. I’ve only caught a few words here and there.

Fly: Ginger, tell me about the repeated names.

Ginger: It should’ve been obvious that something was weird! Who names their kids Parker?! No one! So why do I have four Parkers in my immediate family?!

Ruby: Okay, see, that’s not even true. You have two Parkers in your immediate family. The other two live in Australia and they’re not technically related to you.

Fly: Try this one on me again?

Ruby: Her sister married Parker. Her Australian friend Parker – who she calls Pixie – married a guy named Parker – Ginger calls him Pax, remember?

Ginger: It caught on…Pix and Pax.

Fly: Oh yeah…isn’t one of her brothers marrying a girl named Parker, too?

Ruby: Yes.

Ginger: Parker said he had the name and the marriage into the family first, so 2nd Parker had to change her name. So we call her Perry.

Fly: Because it’s short for Parker somehow?

Ginger: Pretty much. Also, she likes the platypus-secret-agent character…

Ruby: Who doesn’t?

Fly: True. Okay, so, you have four Parkers in your life. It could be worse.

Ginger: Actually, there’s FIVE Parkers in my life! Parker is the name of my stylist! IT IS ALREADY WORSE!!!

Fly: That still doesn’t mean the aliens have started experimenting on you.

Ginger: They’ve run out of names! They’re just re-using names! And that’s not all! They’re re-using PEOPLE, too!

Ruby: This is where she decided it was safest under our bed.

Fly: Four Parkers and…what?

Ginger: My college roommate is in a travel-adventurer’s club with one of my co-workers, Elle’s boyfriend went to the same university as Christian Kane, apparently I did some theatre project with Perry years before she met my brother, the Kinko’s guy knew me by my phone number and the Starbucks people NEVER CHANGE!

Ruby: See what I mean? She just starts mumbling and her voice gets higher and faster and all I get at the end is “Never Change.”

Fly: Your college roommate is in a travel-adventurer’s club?

Ginger: I don’t think she called it that, but it sounds like they travel and have adventures a lot, so I just figure that’s what it is.

Fly: And one of your co-workers is in it, too?

Ginger: Yes. As if my world wasn’t already collapsing under the surplus of Parkers already!

Ruby: A surplus of Parkers? You didn’t think of a Plethora of Parkers?

Ginger: …my world is collapsing and you’re concerned about my alliterative abilities?

Ruby: Sorry. Please continue.

Fly: Okay, it’s a weird coincidence, but I think that’s all that is. And you can trust me on that. What was the next one?

Ginger: Buddy and Christian Kane both went to OU.

Ruby: A lot of people went there. I’m betting there were other students than just the two of them.

Fly: Unless you’re telling me they were roommates…

Ginger: Not that I know of…I’m pretty sure Buddy would have mentioned it if they were…

Ruby: Well, there you go.

Fly: Next?

Ginger: Um…I worked with Perry in a theatre project years before my brother met her.

Ruby: You were a theatre major.

Fly: You’re bound to have worked with a lot of people.

Ruby: You worked in theatre camps.

Fly: It is a small world, after all, Ginger.

Ruby: Great…now that’s stuck in my head…

Ginger: The Kinko’s Guy knew me by my phone number…?

Fly: Kinko’s keeps records in their computer system for a long time.

Ginger: Well how do you explain Starbucks?

Ruby: You go there at the same time every single day – of course they never change.

Fly: Except that one guy in the corner. He is an alien watching you.

Ginger: WHAT?!

Ruby: Nice. Ginger – Fly doesn’t even drink coffee. Why would he be in a Starbucks?

Fly: I couldn’t help it…

Ginger: Are you sure no aliens are experimenting on me? It feels like they might be…

Ruby: We can assure you that your life has a lot of weird coincidences, but there’s no alien experiment focused on you. Think about it – what would the purpose be?

Fly: Actually, if they were just putting her into a deep coma so they could see how her brain works when put under stress or caught in some Penrose staircase-like set of circumstances then the purpose would be to – OW!

Ruby: Ginger, Fly says there’s no alien experiment. Come out from under the bed.

Fly: You hit me!

Ruby: Yes. Very observant of you. Did you notice Ginger is still under OUR BED?

Fly: I see your point. Ginger, there’s absolutely no alien experiment. You can trust me. I’m a doctor.

Ginger: Ruby?

Ruby: Yes, Ginger?

Ginger: Can you make him promise to never say that again?

Ruby: Will it make you come out?

Ginger: …yes.

Fly: Fine. I promise to never say that again.

Ginger: I’m hungry. What’s for dinner?

Ruby: Your choice – macaroni and cheese or pasta alfredo.

Fly: That’s the same thing…

Ginger: No it isn’t. If it was, they’d both have the same name.

Ruby: Silly.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s