While this conversation will not spoil EVERYTHING in the movie Snowpiercer, it will spoil a significant amount of the movie. If you are, like Ginger, in a competition to see every single movie Chris Evans appears in and have not seen Snowpiercer, please be aware this may spoil part of the movie for you.
Please remember, also, there is absolutely NO TRUTH to any of the crazy-sounding statements made in this conversation. The crazier they sound, the further from the truth they are.
Mr. Evans, if you stumble upon this conversation, I would like to say…um…hi. Thanks for stopping by. Big fan. Please keep making movies. And, um, sorry.
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Ginger: Ruby, are you home? I have this really great story to tell you!
Ruby: I’m right here. What’s the great story?
Ginger: So, Chris Pratt and Chris Evans – Star-Lord and Captain America, respectively – had a Super Bowl bet because they’re both fans of the two teams that played in the Super Bowl this year—
Ruby: I will give you five dollars if you can tell me what sport the Super Bowl is, who the two teams competing this year were, and a player from either team.
Ginger: …I wanna say it’s basketball? There are bowls in basketball, right?
Ruby: And you’re out of five bucks. Moving on.
Ginger: Anyway, whoever won the match scored more homeruns than the other team and the loser of the bet was supposed to visit a children’s hospital in his more-important-costume—
Ruby: His superhero costume, right. And please don’t let Fly hear you describe sports…ever.
Ginger: In the winning city of the bowl, wearing something for the team of the winning city.
Ruby: You know you’re making this more complicated by not understanding simple sports, right?
Ginger: Whatever. The point is, both actors are AWESOME, because they both decided to do the charity for the children’s hospitals in both cities, in their superhero costumes after all. Because they’re awesome human beings.
Ruby: That is pretty awesome, actually.
Ginger: I know, right?
Ruby: Speaking of Chris Evans…you watch weird movies.
Ginger: Haven’t we established this before?
Ruby: Yes, but it needs to be said…again.
Ginger: So, what led you to this re-statement of fact?
Ruby: Here. You left this on my coffee table Wednesday night.
Ginger: Oh, I was looking for this! Did you watch it?
Ruby: Yes. Yes, I did. Last night, when Fly was stuck at the hospital doing his job, and I was here and bored, I watched it.
Ginger: Did you enjoy it?
Ruby: You watch weird movies.
Ginger: So, is that a yes, you loved it and now you wish you had also purchased your very own copy?
Ruby: …I have never seen anyone so ready to become an amputee…
Ginger: That is your biggest question? How in the world are they supposed to survive now? It’s just them versus a polar bear now!
Ruby: Well, they follow it. And eat the scraps. Or get adopted by it. But that might take some thinking above their capacity at this point…
Ginger: Or just go back and eat whoever they find on the train? I mean, who knew Captain America eats babies?
Ruby: Well, when you’re frozen in the arctic waiting for someone to thaw you out, it gets lonely.
Ginger: I guess that’s true. I haven’t tried it, so, I’ll have to take your word for it.
Ruby: Why on earth did you even watch this in the first place?
Ginger: I’m in a competition to see every single movie Chris Evans makes. I have about seven left, now, but some of those haven’t hit theatres yet.
Ruby: Who are you competing with?
Ginger: I think she lives in my computer…
Ruby: Wow. Okay, you met someone online and started competing to see who could watch all of Chris Evans’s movies first? That’s really sad.
Ginger: She might be a computer program…I can’t remember now. I have several competitions going on right now.
Ruby: You have weird hobbies.
Ginger: Not as weird as some hobbies.
Ruby: Y’know, maybe it’s best Star-Lord will be going with Captain America to those children’s hospitals…
Ginger: Why? He lost the bet in the first place. His team did not win.
Ruby: Yes, but Captain America offered to go to children’s hospitals. Where there are, one could assume, babies. And…we have established he eats babies.
Ginger: DID eat babies. It’s not like that’s his recurring hobby!
Ruby: You don’t know that for sure.
Ginger: Y’know, it’s comments like that – and that gingerbread cottage in the woods – that keep those rumors alive.
Ruby: Nice Better Off Ted quote.
Ginger: Thanks. It was a good show…
Ruby: Wait, Chris Evans has a gingerbread cottage in the woods?!
Ginger: I was insinuating YOU have the gingerbread cottage in the woods! And tried to eat Jeremy Renner and Gemma Arterton when they were children!
Ruby: But CAPTAIN AMERICA EATS BABIES! And I never saw Hansel & Gretel: Witchhunters.
Ginger: Wait – if we follow this down the logical course from which we seem to be spiraling…
Ginger: CAPTAIN AMERICA IS GOING TO TRY TO EAT HAWKEYE IN THE NEXT AVENGERS MOVIE!!!!
Ruby: …you really don’t know what the Super Bowl is?
Ginger: Is it a big deal or something?