Inigo? I hope we win.

Ginger: ‘Allo.

Ruby: Hi.

Fly: Did she just say “‘Allo”?

Ginger: My name is Inigo Montoya.

Fly: No it’s not.

Ginger: You killed my father.

Fly: Did you?

Ruby: Not that I recall.

Ginger: Prepare to die.

Ruby: Must I?

Ginger: You seem a decent fellow. I hate to kill you.

Ruby: You seem a decent fellow. I hate to die.

Fly: Why are we quoting The Princess Bride? Out of order?

Ruby: You found a new fencing game for your Wii, didn’t you?

Fly: Ah. Makes sense now.

Ginger: Look! It’s like learning from the Masters! Bonetti…

Ruby: You are using Bonetti’s Defense against me, yeah?

Fly: I thought it fitting, considering the rocky terrain.

Ruby: Naturally, you must expect me to attack with Capa Ferro?

Fly: Naturally. But I find that Thibault cancels out Capa Ferro. Don’t you?

Ginger: Unless the enemy has studied his Agrippa! Which, I can.

Ruby: Oh, wow, the whole game is actually teaching you how to fence…it’s a good thing you already know how to banter wittily. It doesn’t look like it’s covered here.

Fly: Why are you buying this?

Ginger: I already beat my other fencing games. I need a new challenge.

Ruby: You beat them? All? You are wonderful.

Ginger: Thank you. I’ve worked very hard to become so.

Ruby: I admit it – you are better than I am.

Ginger: Then why are you smiling?

Ruby: Because I know something you don’t know.

Ginger: And what is that?

Fly: I am not left-handed!

Ruby: This is a thing, now isn’t it?

Ginger: It wasn’t?

Fly: Are we really going to do this in the middle of the store? It was fun, but…now…there are people staring at us.

Ginger: They just wish they were in the conversation.

Ruby: That husband. He can fuss.

Ginger: Fuss…fuss…I think he likes to scream at us.

Fly: I didn’t scream…

Ruby: Probably, he means no harm.

Ginger: He’s really very short on charm.

Ruby: You have a great gift for rhyme.

Ginger: Yes, yes. Some of the time.

Fly: Okay. Enough.

Ruby: Ginger! Are there rocks ahead?

Ginger: If there are, we’ll all be dead!

Fly: *sigh* No more rhymes, now. I mean it.

Ruby & Ginger: Anybody want a peanut?

Fly: Are we done now?

Ruby: Hardly.

Fly: For the remainder of our time in the store…?

Ginger: We know the secrets of the Fire Swamp. We can live there quite happily for some time…

Ruby: What are the three terrors of the Fire Swamp? One – the Flame Spurts. No problem. There’s a popping sound preceding each. We can avoid that. Two, the lightning sand, which you were clever enough to discover what that looks like, so in the future: we can avoid that, too.

Ginger: But Westley, what about the R.O.U.S.’s?

Ruby: Rodents Of Unusual Size? I don’t think they exist.

Fly: I think those people are applauding you…

Ginger: People love the movie. And you cannot track that, not with a thousand bloodhounds. And you cannot break that, not with a thousand swords!

Ruby: Surrender!

Ginger: You mean you wish to surrender to me? Very well, I accept.

Ruby: I give you full marks for bravery…but I was talking to him.

Fly: Well, at least she’s not quoting Firefly…but I think there’s a crowd following us now…

Ruby: For the last time, surrender!

Ginger: Death! First!

Ruby: Again – I meant Fly.

Fly: Okay, people are really looking.

Ginger: Let’s just work with what we have. And remember, this is for posterity, so, be honest. How do you feel?

Fly: Can we just get in the line to check out and then we can go, continue quoting in the car and then…I’ll let you get some ice cream…okay?

Ruby: We are men of action. Lies do not become us.

Ginger: Does that mean there’s no ice cream forthcoming?

Ruby: That means there’s probably no ice cream forthcoming.

Ginger: Then it appears we are at an impasse.

Ruby: It goes much better when you play along. Also, it’s more fun.

Fly: In that case, I challenge you to a battle of wits.

Ginger: For the princess? To the death? I accept!

Fly: Do I really have to continue? *sigh* Truly, you have a dizzying intellect.

Ginger: Wait til I get going! Where was I?

Fly: In line, about to put your troublesome new game on the conveyor belt.

Ruby: Australia.

Ginger: Yes, Australia!

Fly: You’re just stalling now.

Ginger: You’d like to think that, wouldn’t you? You’ve beaten my giant, which means you’re exceptionally strong, so you could have put the poison into your own goblet, trusting on your strength to save you. So I can clearly not choose the wine in front of you! But you’ve also bested my Spaniard, which means you must have studied! And in studying, you must have learned that man is mortal, so you would have put the wine as far from yourself as possible, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of me!

Fly: You’re scaring the checkout girl.

Ruby: What in the world could that be?!

Fly: What? Where? I don’t see anything.

Ruby: That’s funny. I could have sworn I saw something. No matter.

Ginger: First, we drink. Me from my glass and you from yours.

Fly: You tricked me into playing along?

Ruby: You guessed wrong.

Checkout Girl: You fell victim to one of the classic blunders! The most famous of which is “never get involved in a land war in Asia!” But only slightly less well-known is this:

Ruby, Ginger & Checkout Girl: Never go against a Sicilian when DEATH is on the line! Ah-HA-HA-HA! Ah-HA-HA-HA! Ah-HA-!

Fly: You mock my pain.

Ruby: Life is pain, Highness. Anyone who says differently is selling something.

Fly: Who are you?

Ruby: No one of consequence.

Ginger: I must know.

Ruby: Get used to disappointment.

Ginger: Ooh! I can choose backgrounds for the game! A PIRATE SHIP, Ruby!

Fly: Getting killed by pirates is good.

Ruby: Death cannot stop true love. All it can do is delay it for a while.

Ginger: I will never doubt again.

Ruby: I will never love again.

Fly: Get back, witch!

Ruby: I’m not a witch, I’m your wife! But after what you just said, I’m not even sure I wanna be THAT anymore!

Fly: Can we go now?

Ginger: Are you coming to my place? The Wii-mote’s batteries are fully charged. I’m starting this new fencing game tonight.

Ruby: Ginger, you know how much I love watching you Wii-fence, but I’ve got my country’s 500th anniversary to plan, my wedding to arrange, my wife to murder and Guilder to frame for it. I’m swamped.

Ginger: Get some rest. If you haven’t got your health, then, you haven’t got anything.

Fly: The exit is to your left, Ginger. Veer left! Left!

Ruby: Aren’t you sweet? Even when you don’t think you’re playing along…you’re still playing.

Fly: Move the thing! And…that other thing!


Epilogue: There was no ice cream. Ginger was convinced someone would put iocane powder on her ice cream and she hasn’t had the chance to build up her immunity to it yet.


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