The Unicorn Journal Holds Many Secrets

Ginger: Ruby?

Ruby: Ginger?

Ginger: What are you doing here?

Ruby: …I live here.

Ginger: No, what I mean is why are you home? Shouldn’t you be, y’know, at work?

Ruby: I’m working from home today. Why are you here?

Ginger: I stop by on Monday mornings to make sure things are okay in your absence.

Ruby: Try again.

Ginger: I thought I left my orange sweater here Friday night after the auto show.

Ruby: You don’t own an orange sweater. Try again.

Ginger: I heard screaming and thought I should check on you.

Ruby: Try again – and, just as a thought, you could try the truth.

Ginger: I stop by every Monday morning after you leave for work and arrange the magazines on your coffee table to spell out a key phrase you might need to see upon your return from work.

Ruby: …that almost sounds like the truth.

Ginger: It almost is.

Ruby: …try…again…

Ginger: I stop by every Monday morning after you leave for work.

Ruby: …why?

Ginger: I rearrange the magazines on your coffee table.

Ruby: …I’m almost afraid to ask.

Ginger: Then you probably shouldn’t.

Ruby: Why do you rearrange the magazines on my coffee table?

Ginger: See? You asked and now I feel compelled to answer.

Ruby: Just answer with the truth.

Ginger: …see, that just takes all the fun out of the conversation.

Ruby: Why do you rearrange the magazines on my coffee table?

Ginger: Aliens.

Ruby: Why do you rearrange the magazines on my coffee table?

Ginger: Ghosts.

Ruby: Why do you rearrange the magazines on my coffee table?

Ginger: …the government?

Ruby: Why do you rearrange the magazines on my coffee table?

Ginger: Because you leave them out in the wrong order and your husband is in a better mood when I put them in the right order and then come over after work.

Ruby: …what?

Ginger: Look, they’re all haphazard and not alphabetical or organized in chronological manner by date of arrival. When Fly comes home, if he sees they’re in neat rows, alphabetized and layered with the newest arrival on the bottom and the oldest arrival on top, he doesn’t spend ten minutes doing that himself and he can just start reading where he left off in the top issue and when I come over, he’s in a better mood and I can invite myself over for dinner.

Ruby: I don’t believe it makes that much of a difference.

Ginger: All I know is the pattern. I tested it for three months. On Mondays when Fly came home to a disorganized, willy-nilly pile of magazines, he’s grumpy and he rearranged the magazines while I watched from the doorway to the kitchen and talked to you while simultaneously texting various family members. And then he would be quiet during dinner and there would be no round of 8½ afterwards. I’d just be expected to go home.

Ruby: You…observed my husband’s behavior over the course of three months?

Ginger: But on Mondays when the magazines were straightened, Fly would contribute to the conversation while I stood in the doorway while also texting various family members, we would all joke around during dinner and there would be several rounds of 8½ afterwards before you drive me home.

Ruby: Seriously, three months?

Ginger: I recorded my findings each night. I can bring you the journal tomorrow, if you’d like. It’s my special unicorn journal.

Ruby: Wow. Are you sure it’s not a horse with a sword coming out of its head?

Ginger: I’m a girl. I get to call it a unicorn.

Ruby: Right.

Ginger: So, now, on Mondays, I stop by after you leave for work and rearrange the magazines on your coffee table. But only if I want to have dinner with you two after work.

Ruby: Which is every Monday.

Ginger: Every Monday that I have to go to work.

Ruby: Of course.

Ginger: If you would just learn how to read magazines and put them back on the coffee table in the correct order, I wouldn’t have to wake up early on Mondays.

Ruby: You’re a creature of habit, though.

Ginger: …I can change.

Ruby: Sure you can. I think it’s for the best if we all continue on the current path.

Ginger: You’re only doing this because now you’ll know if I want to have dinner with you on Monday nights.

Ruby: Actually, I’m only doing this because now I know that if it means you think you’ll get a dinner invite, I can get someone to do my housework for free. Fly also likes dishes clean on Tuesdays, the dining room vacuumed on Wednesdays, the living room dusted on Thursdays—

Ginger: Ha. Ha. Ha.

Ruby: …you’re still writing it down, I see.

Ginger: Just tell me about Fridays…

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One response »

  1. Pingback: Unraveling Knitting Troubles | rubyandginger

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