Welcome to the first office…
Harriet: Ginger, I’m having trouble with the new system.
Ginger: Okay, um, I’m kind of in the middle of something, but I can stop by in about five minutes?
Harriet: I can’t find the spell check.
Ginger: Oh. Well, okay, that’s easy. F7.
Ginger: F7 is the spell check feature – it’s a keyboard shortcut.
Harriet: Keyboard shortcuts never work for me. Remember when I told you that the Copy Shortcut didn’t work?
Ginger: Remember that I told you that you don’t need to hold down the Ctrl key, the + key AND the C? It’s just two keys.
Harriet: Then why does the written list have the + key in there? I can’t push three buttons at once.
Ginger: I don’t know…you seem to manage it with me all the time.
Welcome to the second office…
Lee: Okay, next on the agenda is a status update on the…Gondor project?
Quentin: We have a Gondor project?
Ruby: I think that’s a typo – isn’t it supposed to be the Condor project?
Quentin: I vote we change it to the Gondor project. Men of Gondor are men of honor.
Terry: Oh, yeah. Boromir was really honorable when he tried to take the Ring from Frodo.
Ruby: Hey, hey – the Ring called to the darker side in all men…what am I saying?
Lee: I don’t know – what are we talking about?
Quentin: You’ve never read The Lord of the Rings by J.R.R. Tolkien?
Terry: I’ve never read it, but I’ve at least seen the movies.
Quentin: That’s not the same thing!
Ruby: Okay, well, why don’t we discuss that later and we can just finish up this meeting now?
Lee: That’s a good idea, but – real quick – is that the movie with the girl and the bow and arrow?
Terry, Quentin and Ruby: …WHAT?!
Welcome back to the first office…
Harriet: So, I push F and then the 7 button? Does it matter which 7 I push? You know what, I’m never going to remember – can’t you just show me with the mouse again?
Ginger: We’ve reviewed the F7… “button”…is a key all by itself…
Harriet: Oh, right and it’s with all those other useless F-buttons at the top.
Ginger: …right. And now we’ve gone over the fact that the F7 key will save you time and several steps to get to the spelling and grammar check in any document, spreadsheet or email…
Harriet: It’s just so hard to remember!
Ginger: It’s literally one push of a button!
Harriet: But there are so many buttons!
Ginger: I have smiley face stickers at my desk…I can put a smiley face sticker on the F7 key and you can just think ‘proper spelling and grammar make me smile – oh! Smiley Face is Spell Check!’
Harriet: Does proper spelling really make you smile? I never would have thought that of you.
Return to the second office…
Quentin: Okay, so then, when the riddle says “Speak friend and enter,” it was actually giving away the answer right there!
Lee: But who would think that’s a good password? There’s no numbers in it!
Terry: It was in a different language than the one used on the door!
Ruby: It’s still not a great password to use with today’s technology. So, we’re not using that on the Condor project, no matter how many times you suggest it.
Quentin: Okay, okay, but can we still change the name to the Gondor project? And give it the Tree of Gondor as a logo?
Lee: I’m still confused…
Ruby: Why we’re still talking about the Lord of the Rings or why there’s a Tree of Gondor?
Lee: Why were there four guys wandering around the forest without shoes on?
Terry: They’re hobbits, Lee. They don’t wear shoes…ever.
Quentin: Yeah, the soles of their feet are made of sturdier stuff than ours. See, Tolkien—
Ruby: Was not part of the Condor project. So, we should really put that aside to discuss over lunch, and finish up this meeting. Finally.
Terry: Why did we name it the Condor project in the first place? It’s not like we can soar like a condor once the coding is done…
Lee: Originally, it was called the Gamma-Delta Project, but one of the department heads noticed it kept being shortened to the G-D Project, and didn’t like the connotation associated with that name. We were told we could call it the Condor, Rabbit, or Walrus project.
Quentin: No one chose the “Walrus project?” I’m shocked.
Ruby: Walrus won the vote; it then led to a fifty-seven minute discussion of the Beatles, whether or not Paul is dead and why a walrus hung out with a carpenter in the first place.
Lee: Condor project was the second choice and led to shorter status updates.
Terry: …what carpenter hung out with a walrus?
The first office beckons…
Ginger: Look, I’m just saying that painting your F7 key with whiteout and then writing “SplChk” on it might not be the best idea.
Harriet: Why not?
Ginger: Because what if your keyboard breaks and you need to get a new one? The whiteout won’t be there on the new keyboard.
Harriet: Well, then you can come in and re-paint the button for me.
Ginger: Which button?
Harriet: The F7 one. The one we’ve been discussing for the past twenty minutes!
Ginger: See? You can remember which key it is! You don’t need me to do anything to it!
Harriet: But I won’t remember it tomorrow!
Ginger: Harriet, it’s just F7 – I haven’t even told you what the other F’s can do! It’s not like it’ll confuse you!
Harriet: But there are so many others – why can’t you just pop them out? Then I’ll only have one F button and it’ll be the only one I need!
Ginger: But what if someone else is helping you on your computer and they need F2? Or F5?
Harriet: Why can’t they just bring their own keyboard in?
Ginger: Because they expect you to have a fully functioning keyboard.
Harriet: Well, they should know better by now.
Ginger: Yes. Yes, I should.
The second office…
Ruby: So, you understand now?
Terry: Those poor oysters…
Quentin: I know, buddy. I know.
Lee: I miss calling it the G-D Project…
Ruby: …I know, buddy. I know.
The first office…
Harriet: This is helpful, Ginger…thank you.
Ginger: I live to serve.
Harriet: I don’t know why we didn’t think of this before.
Ginger: We did.
Harriet: I think the smiley face sticker is the best idea I thought of – I can’t believe we were so lucky and you had them in your desk this whole time!
Ginger: I can’t believe my luck, either.
Harriet: Oh, look at the time – I have my yoga class in ten minutes. I don’t know about you, but I have had such a stressful morning. I really need this yoga class to de-stress.
Ginger: De-stressing is definitely needed.
The second office…
Quentin: And then there’s a helmet up at the top here, and voila! The flag of Gondor – with the Tree of Gondor. We can keep the name “Condor project” but just let me add the logo to the reports we submit, going forward, and I’ll never bring it up again.
Lee: Will the reports actually have data and status updates in them?
Terry: Absolutely. Without a doubt.
Lee: Then you have my blessing.
Ruby: Quentin, what marker are you using?
Ruby: Yeah, this conference room will now be the Conference Room of Gondor, won’t it?
Quentin: Why is there a permanent marker in the whiteboard markers?
Ruby: Oh – sorry, I didn’t realize my phone was on, I’ll just…
Text from Ginger B: WHY ARE PEOPLE LIKE THIS?!
Ruby: …I know, buddy. I know.