Ginger: I got on the train. I sat down. Two girls sat down behind me, discussing their prom dress fittings. Prom? Yes. Prom.
Ruby: …what time is it?
Ginger: Then Cheerleader went on to tell So-and-So all about how when she went to that hair salon place that So-and-So recommended last week, she felt a real connection to Alicia (who washes hair) so she went on to tell Alicia all about the drama going on between Brittany, Davis and Shawna. Alicia said that So-and-So had already given her the basics, but now Alicia needed updates. So, Cheerleader had to tell her all about how Davis and Shawna had sworn that they would never, ever – like, EVER – announce their relationship on Facebook before they talked to Brittany, but then, like, two minutes later, Shawna was all “Wassup, Facebook? I’m totally in mad hearts with Davis!” and it was so not cool because Shawna had been SO adamant that she would never EVER do that, but then, Tuesday? Yeah, I think it was Tuesday, oh, it was TOTALLY Tuesday because it, like, was the day right after Monday? Yeah, Tuesday, Brittany called Cheerleader and was all “Oh. Em. Gee. Did you know?” and then Cheerleader was all “whatevs, i know ALL the THINGS…but which thing were you asking about?” and then Brittany was all “how long have they been married on Facebook? No one ever told me! Was I, like, the last one to know all the things?!” and then Cheerleader was all “OH. THAT. Uh, I’m sleeping, girlfriend. Hugs. For ruhlz.” and then hung up. Which is when So-and-So explains that Brittany called her. Or, maybe it was Davis. Or Whats-Her-Face. Or the Penguin Head. But, yeah, someone called So-and-So to tell her that they heard from Penguin Head that Davis had broken Brittany’s heart and Shawna was making pizza. Or maybe it was Brittany was making pizza and Shawna was eating Penguin Head’s chicken casserole. So-and-So wasn’t good with details. She just knew someone had called her. So then Cheerleader is all “oh, yeah, i TOTALLY know what you mean.” And goes on to say that while Davis was off hanging with the importantly cool people that he hangs out with, he ended up running into Brittany and was all “hey” and she was all “hey, i guess” and he was all “why you gotta guess? can’t you just be hey?” and she was all “well, i dunno, i think i can, but it’s, like, y’know” and then HE was all “yeah. i know.” And then they went off to get a milkshake from the Milkshake Palace and he totally shouldn’t have done that because you know who works there? That’s right – Shawna. And then Shawna was all “Oh. Em. Gee. Did you know?” to, like, everyone there, and then all, like, “Am I The LAST To Know?!” and then Brittany pulled off her face to reveal she’s actually Cheerleader in disguise and she shouts out “HA! HOW DOES THAT FEEL TO YOU, YOU CRAZY ONE?!” and then Davis was all “hey, wait, i thought you were–uh…whatevs.” because that was when he realized that Shawna was still standing there with a milkshake going “wait, what?!” and then they FINALLY GOT OFF THE TRAIN.
Ruby: It is 7:12 a.m.
Ginger: I spared you the ten minute diatribe about how Cheerleader knows that “getting married on Facebook isn’t real, but it’s just how you know that they’re serious about their relationship.”
Ruby: It is 7:12 A.M.
Ginger: I miss the old days when you knew that a relationship was “serious” because she wears jacket all the time.
Ruby: Do you know what I miss? Getting to sleep until my alarm goes off.
Ginger: Do people really get married on Facebook for no reason?
Ruby: My marriage on Facebook is real.
Ginger: Because your marriage in real life is real.
Ruby: Know what else in real life is real? Sleeping until the alarm goes off. I miss that. How can we make that happen more often?
Ginger: Do you know what really bothers me, though?
Ruby: The knowledge that you woke me from a sound sleep to drone on about high school drama?
Ginger: Cheerleader and So-and-So back there think that in order for a relationship to be serious, you have to set your Facebook status to “married” – even though they’re still in HIGH SCHOOL.
Ruby: Cheerleader and So-and-So? You’re cut off from Homestar Runner for a while.
Ginger: It really bothers me, though!
Ruby: That really bothers you?
Ginger: That. Also, oatmeal. Oatmeal bothers me today.
Ruby: Also, phone calls before 8 a.m.
Ginger: Also? Crossword clues that are mean. “Nero’s Instrument” should be FIDDLE or LYRE, if you want to get really technical. Not PIANO. I don’t care if there is some famous pianist named Peter Nero out there.
Ruby: I don’t care, either.
Ginger: Also? Empty coffee mugs bother me.
Ruby: I want coffee…
Ginger: Also? What kind of car company is named ACURF? That doesn’t make any sense.
Ginger: Oh…9 Down is ANGLER, not FISHER. That…makes more sense. See? Mean crossword clues!
Ginger: Yeah, Rubes?
Ruby: IT IS TOO EARLY FOR THIS CONVERSATION!
Ginger: Oh…yeah…your alarm doesn’t go off until 8. I guess that’s a benefit of working from home. No commute. No high school girls.
Ruby: No More Calls Before 8 A.M.