Hit Me With Your Best Peanut

Ruby: Ginger, please stop kicking the bed.

Ginger: Why don’t you love me anymore?

Ruby: It’s not that I don’t love you anymore; it’s just that Fly and I get to take vacations from time to time without you.

Ginger: But you’re going away from me for a Whole Week!

Ruby: I promise to bring you a prize if you behave while I’m gone.

Ginger: What kind of prize?

Ruby: I was thinking…a rock. From the Painted Desert.

Ginger: That’s not really a prize. That’s something you just thought of now.

Ruby: No. If it was something I just thought of now to get you to stop kicking the bed – seriously, my suitcase is on the bed and I can pack it even if you continue to kick – then I would have just offered to bring you the little bag of peanuts from the flight.

Ginger: But I’m allergic to peanuts – GASP! YOU DON’T LOVE ME ANYMORE!

Ruby: Okay, first of all? You cannot just say “Gasp” when you mean to gasp in shock. It’s not the same thing.

Ginger: It’s a little like the same thing.

Ruby: No, it’s really not.

Ginger: Then why do you get to say “sigh” when you sigh at me in that “tired of arguing” manner?

Ruby: Because I pretend you catch on faster when I do.

Ginger: I don’t.

Ruby: I know. Which is why I have to pretend you do.

Ginger: SIGH.

Ruby: That’s not how I do it.

Ginger: I was just practicing.

Ruby: Second? I do still love you, and I always will love you as the adopted sister I never knew I would never be able to lose.

Ginger: Awww…hey….I think…

Ruby: Third? I will bring you a rock from the Painted Desert. And you will like it. And that’s the end of that.

Ginger: Why do you have to go away this week? I might need you!

Ruby: Fly and I get to go away on the week of our anniversary. It’s one of those things that married people do sometimes.

Ginger: Aside from call each other smoochy-poo and sweetums-pie?

Ruby: ………..yes. Aside from calling each other by strange attempts at loving pet names you clearly just made up.

Ginger: I didn’t just make them up. If I were going to make up loving pet names, I would have said pillow-face and peanut-bag.

Ruby: Wow…you’re really bad at making up pet names on the spot.

Ginger: This is probably why I’m not married.

Ruby: Clearly. All because no one wants to be called “peanut-bag.”

Ginger: I can’t help it. You brought up bags of peanuts. I’m just thinking about peanuts now.

Ruby: Do me a favor?

Ginger: Yes?

Ruby: Never call anyone “peanut-bag” ever.

Ginger: I’ll do my best…but no promises.


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