Ice Cream Is Best When It’s Not Imaginary

Ruby: Why do you do this?

Ginger: It’s far more entertaining than writing code.

Ruby: You don’t know how to write code!

Ginger: I can write code.

Ruby: No, you can’t. I know because I’ve tried to explain to you what it means to do my job and your eyes glaze over.

Ginger: I can write code.

Ruby: …you’re saying you can create code for your writing.

Ginger: Obviously. What are you talking about?


Ginger: OH! That…is also far more entertaining than writing code.

Ruby: Every morning, I’d find six new voicemails waiting for me. All from you.

Ginger: Your phone has a “sleep mode.”

Ruby: Yes.

Ginger: Challenge accepted. Six times.

Ruby: NO!

Ginger: But it is way more fun than you think!

Ruby: What if I started calling you late at night when you’re sleeping and leave you random thoughts about television programs, infomercials, questions about where I left a various food item, philosophical queries and so on?

Ginger: I do not use the “sleep mode” option on my phone. You would wake me.

Ruby: Why were you awake at 3:04 A.M. three nights in a row?

Ginger: I worry about you when you’re out of town without me, and that gives me insomnia.

Ruby: You cannot always come with me when I go on trips.

Ginger: …which is why it’s entertaining to leave you voicemails when you’re sleeping.

Ruby: How is that entertaining?

Ginger: I think of something, I call, I go to sleep, I forget, you wake up and listen to the voicemail, call me back, remind me and then tell me that I am the one who is crazy.

Ruby: You. Are.

Ginger: Do you think you will stop me from calling you when you’re sleeping if you react in the same amusing manner every time I call you and leave you a voicemail while you sleep?

Ruby: Don’t say it…

Ginger: The definition of insanity is, according to the internet, doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

Ruby: What am I supposed to do? Offer you a reward?

Ginger: Ice cream is never frowned upon.

Ruby: Fine. The next time I go out of town and you don’t call to leave a voicemail while I’m sleeping – at all! – I will return and buy you an ice cream.

Ginger: …but if I call and leave you a voicemail while you’re still in town?

Ruby: I will start mailing you horror movies on DVD and repackage them so you think they’re lovable cartoons or documentaries about penguins.

Ginger: I like ice cream.

Ruby: Imagine if you hadn’t left me voicemails all week long.

Ginger: Imagine if you bought me ice cream this time, just to cement the connection in my head.

Ruby: Imagine if I bought you ice cream, but before I handed it to you, I simply said “You should be sleeping at 3:04 A.M.” and then handed the ice cream to a stranger passing by, instead of you.

Ginger: Imagine that person is diabetic and now you’re poisoning him.

Ruby: Imagine he handed it to his girlfriend, who is not diabetic.

Ginger: Imagine she now thinks you’re having an affair with him. Congratulations, you just broke up the perfect couple.

Ruby: Imagine you’re not crazy.

Ginger: Imagine if you bought me ice cream this time, just to cement the connection in my head.

Ruby: Imagine…sleeping. At 3:04 A.M.

Ginger: Imagine…sleep-dialing. And a voicemail about ice cream.

Ruby: …just get in the car. But only one scoop of ice cream!

Ginger: Imagine how well I’d behave with two scoops…


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