I Am Ginger…root.

Ruby: Elle?

Elle: Ruby! Hi!

Ruby: I thought that was you – how have you been?

Elle: Not too bad, yourself?

Ruby: Doing okay. Fly and I just got back from vacation the other day, so now it’s grocery shopping time.

Elle: I know what you mean. Buddy and I just got back from visiting friends out of state.

Ruby: That sounds like fun.

Elle: It was. So, how did Ginger behave?

Ruby: Oh, no. Was she over-stimulated by new places? That happens sometimes.

Elle: …what do you mean?

Ruby: Didn’t you take her with you and Buddy?

Elle: I thought she went with you and Fly…

Ruby: Oh no…

Elle: Have you talked to her since you got back?

Ruby: Briefly, but…that was a few days ago…

Elle: Have you heard from her since?

Ruby: Hang on, I’m calling her…

Elle: I can’t believe we both took vacations without her! What did she do while we were gone?

Ginger: I am Ginger.

Ruby: Hey, Ginger, you’ll never guess who I ran into in the grocery store…

Elle: Hey, Ginger!

Ginger: I am Ginger.

Ruby: …yes, we know…

Elle: Ginger…Ruby and I were just talking and you came up in conversation and we were wondering what you were up to…tonight…

Ginger: I am Ginger.

Ruby: …oh no…

Elle: What’s going on – Ginger, are you in trouble?

Ginger: I am Ginger.

Ruby: I think I know what happened.

Elle: Really?

Ginger: I am Ginger.

Ruby: I think she’s snapped. I think she’s finally lost her mind.

Elle: We knew this day would come. It’s a shame it had to happen when I was planning on baking funfetti cupcakes as soon as I got home tonight.

Ruby: True. I guess I have to break the news to her mother. I don’t think her mom will be shocked, either.

Ginger: I. Am. GINGER.

Ruby: It’s like she doesn’t get that we’re just mocking her.

Elle: Wait…oh, no.

Ruby: What?

Elle: …before we left, Buddy offered to lend her any movie he had if she would just go home and stop eating all the queso dip.

Ruby: Did he have a movie she doesn’t already own?

Elle: That’s not the point. The point is she told him she was planning on just binge-watching the Marvel movies while we were gone.

Ruby: Okay?

Ginger: I. Am. Ginger.

Elle: She did snap. She just…now thinks she’s Groot.

Ruby: Groot? Oh yeah…the talking tree…

Ginger: I am Ginger.

Elle: How many movies did you watch in a row?

Ginger: I am…Ginger…

Ruby: Oh, no.

Elle: Did you understand that?

Ruby: It’s not the words. It’s the tone. She started with Iron Man and went straight through the entire collection.

Ginger: I am Ginger.

Elle: I can almost hear her nodding in agreement. How do we break her out of this?

Ruby: I can only think of one method. It’s risky, but it just might work.

Elle: Okay. What is it?

Ruby: Ginger – I want you to know I care about you and I want you to get through this quickly. That’s the only reason I’m trying this.

Ginger: I am Ginger…?

Ruby: Ahem. I think my favorite movie moment is when Wash is sitting on the bridge after successfully landing Serenity amidst the Reavers attacking the Alliance and it’s all red and dark and scary and everyone starts breathing again and we’re led into a calm moment of relief and he gets out the words “I am a leaf on the wind…” and then –

Ginger: NO!!!!!! HOW DARE YOU?! THAT’S SO CRUEL!! WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT TO ME?! POOR WASH!!! NOOOO!!!!!!!!!!

Elle: Yeah, that worked.

Ruby: I’m going to hang up now. She’ll probably be doing this for the next hour or so…

Ginger: WWWWAAAASSSSHHHHH!!!!!!!!

Elle: Is it possible to hear someone get into the fetal position over the phone?

Ruby: Ginger’s actions are often louder than words. She took it to heart the first time she heard that saying and…well…

Elle: Yeah. Are you going to call her later and explain you don’t actually consider that a favorite moment?

Ruby: Call her…later? You think she’ll let this go? She’s already texted me four times since I hung up.

Elle: How did we get so lucky to have her in our lives?

Ruby: I don’t know, but if you figure it out, please share.

Elle: Oh, look, now she’s texting me, too…

Ruby: Radius of blame?

Elle: I shouldn’t have admitted I was with you when you said those hateful words.

Ruby: I probably should have warned you.

Elle: Now she’s texting me in Chinese. This is better, right?

Ruby: Actually…yes. I’ve got to go. I’m pretty sure she’ll start texting Fly soon and I want to be home in order to explain.

Elle: See you later, Ruby. Always a pleasure.

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